Your Prescription for the Holidays

TwentyTwentyFive_(Rx)
(Thisyearomgwtf) – 365 daily doses

TwentyTwentyFive_(Rx) was approved to treat symptoms of psychological myopia caused by moderate to severe optimism.

In clinical trials, TwentyTwentyFive_(Rx) was found to successfully relieve disengagement and creative stagnation, allowing for rapid writing of:

·       Final products for projects that had their funding rescinded because they related to climate change and social justice
·       Snarky protest signs
·       Scientifically and personally cogent (but also snarky) commentary about congenital rubella syndrome

Many users of TwentyTwentyFive_(Rx) began to experience notable effects within one week of commencing use, including donating to civil rights organizations, checking in with at-risk friends, and speed-dialing members of Congress.

In some patients¹, long-term signs of engagement may include:

·       Bird conservation and research  
·       Gardening in support of local food security
·       Contributing a chapter to a friend’s book of interwoven stories about motherhood and medicine
·       Sharing  wilderness adventures
·       Publishing research linking bark beetle outbreaks to climate change
·       Podcasting about connecting climate science with communities and filming an episode for the upcoming Season 8 of PBS’s Energy Switch

Common side effects of TwentyTwentyFive_(Rx) (experienced by up to 100% of those who are paying attention) are:

·       Sporadic bouts of doomscrolling
·       Pitch-dark sarcasm
·       A fetid blend of rage and shame
·       Voting. Sweet, sweet voting. 

Rare side effects (reported by less than 1% of users)³ of TwentyTwentyFive_(Rx) can include:

·       Appearing in public in full-bearded drag and speaking in iambic pentameter
·       Volunteering at an aid station on the Iditarod Trail Invitational
·       Majoring in Biology, competing on the Amherst College Equestrian team, and trying to persuade other undergrads that a 100-mile hike in Vermont over Thanksgiving will be perfect

·       Majoring in Math with Computer Science, helping to lead the MIT Spider Monkeys, serving as a teaching assistant for multivariable Calculus, and convincing your friend (and fellow Spider Monkey) that a 200-mile bike trip across Massachusetts and back is a great idea for a long weekend
·       Doubled incidence of household dogs ⁴
·       A cat that requires excessive household cleaning because she is allergic to human dander⁵

Ask your doctor if TwentyTwentyFive_(Rx) was right for you! ⁶ 

Solstice Pharmaceuticals™
Your prescription for the holidays⁷

¹ Some specific patients. Very specific. Results may vary.

² In Austin, Texas. In the hottest week of August. Obviously.

³ Who just happen to be members of my family.

⁴ Effects on household dog energy were exponential rather than additive. Results not guaranteed. At all.

⁵ Yes, we understand the humor of irony. Sometimes.

⁶  Or don’t. Really, don’t.

⁷ A big bottle of vitamin D, a full-spectrum light, an assortment of badly decorated holiday cookies, a bundled-up walk as soon as the sun manages to rise, and a heartfelt hug.