tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60527061319349769832024-03-13T23:26:31.345-07:00Writing with Latitudenancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.comBlogger142125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-23965860051318145632024-02-03T23:45:00.000-08:002024-02-03T23:45:15.855-08:00Harvard College Essay Prompt Responses by Characters from Dystopian YA Fiction<p><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFdglZff0fY0_f8OYt_XW1TaOONIBTWl39XMV92Vus7GXHwcVP-kk8nSgeAjUxin-xDdSww5VoTSRb8XirJT5RO76PrUsWlll8Rb_iSn21D9Dog6y9FzXKHRWTwOU8V6G2vxSwzRLhs7_O4FzFONAiNJbfUdIRfTPtyJt-ePN3C9Qsf0vn74RL7JNkLvI/s960/YA%20fiction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFdglZff0fY0_f8OYt_XW1TaOONIBTWl39XMV92Vus7GXHwcVP-kk8nSgeAjUxin-xDdSww5VoTSRb8XirJT5RO76PrUsWlll8Rb_iSn21D9Dog6y9FzXKHRWTwOU8V6G2vxSwzRLhs7_O4FzFONAiNJbfUdIRfTPtyJt-ePN3C9Qsf0vn74RL7JNkLvI/s320/YA%20fiction.jpg" width="320" /></a></i></b></div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />Briefly describe any of your extracurricular activities, employment
experience, travel, or family responsibilities that have shaped who you are.
(200 words)</i></b><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Growing up in District 12, my extracurricular activities
included caring for my delicate and sensitive little sister, desperately
trekking through the woods in hopes of shooting some form of sustenance, and
begging for burnt bread. But my travel experience expanded greatly when I
had the opportunity, at the age of 16, to make a trip to the Capitol! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This experience definitely shaped who I am today. I
learned so much from spending several days in the company of a couple of dozen
specially selected kids from all over the country -- all of whom were hoping to
systematically murder me and everyone else.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I made some great friends during this trip, including Rue
(who died, but in a meaningful way) and Peeta, who is just so incredibly sweet,
and maybe also cute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can the nice guy
also be the cute one? I’m still not sure. I guess “shaping who I am”
is still a work in progress. I can’t wait to see how this works out -- in
the sequels, or at Harvard, whichever comes first!<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Harvard has long recognized the importance of enrolling a diverse
student body. How will the life experiences that shape who you are today enable
you to contribute to Harvard? (200 words)</i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Like all other teenagers from post-apocalyptic Chicago, I am
not diverse, or in any way divergent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not divergent at all! Please don’t kill me. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I grew up in Abdignation -- a word that everyone knows,
obviously<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>– and at age sixteen was
identified as Dauntless. Which is what I am. Just dauntless, I
swear! I’m massively brave, and I have no other qualities whatsoever.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In particular, I’m definitely not still part of
Abdignation. Nope, I’m totally selfish now! Also, I’m very clearly
not Erudite -- even though I want to go to Harvard. Just roll with this
logic, okay? I’m also not Candid, so maybe you think I’m lying
here. Totally not lying! But also totally not candid! I’d flat-out
beg you not to kill me, but of course I wouldn’t do that, being so entirely
dauntless in every way. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I will contribute to Harvard by being massively, humongously
dauntless.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Briefly describe an intellectual experience that was important to you.
(200 words)</i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At the age of fifteen, I had a crucial intellectual
experience that involved having a non-bubbly conversation with another
fifteen-year-old. This was important because it was the first time it
dawned on me that the entire adult population of the world had been surgically
altered to make them beautiful, pliant, incurious air-heads.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This intellectual conversation led me to make a bunch of
weird outcast friends in the derelict rubble of the destroyed post-petroleum
landscape, which was super rewarding – like a camping trip with trust-games and
bonding, but extremely dangerous. Also, it helped us save the world,
although that required three whole books, a love triangle, and the defeat of
the creepy, horrific Dr. Cable. Despite the fact that the one character
who is always referred to by an intellectual title is irredeemably evil, I think
being intellectual is a good idea overall.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How do you hope to use your Harvard education in the future? (200
words)</i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">An education from Harvard will act like an amplifier of my
knowledge, skills, and talent – maybe not as powerful an amplifier as one made
from the bones of a slain mythical beast and molded into my own flesh, but I’ll
still take this opportunity very seriously.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I plan to use the power and influence of my Harvard
education to eradicate a world-swallowing abyss of pure evil – even if it means
hiding in catacombs, suffering through years of battle and bloodshed,
mind-melding with a thousand-year-old undead megalomaniac who dresses all in
black, and ultimately sacrificing myself and those I love.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the long run, assuming the world-saving career works out,
I’d also really like to get married, settle down in relative obscurity, and
co-manage an orphanage.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Top 3 things your roommates might like to know about you. (200 words)</i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1) I know absolutely nothing about
myself, given that like the rest of you, my memory was wiped clean right before
I was dumped into this terrifying and seemingly inescapable labyrinth full of
moving walls and vicious monsters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nonetheless, I am sure I need to save the day in a dramatic and heroic
manner.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2) There’s only one girl in the known
universe, and I can communicate with her telepathically.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3) Oh, wait, I think my name is Thomas?</p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-46129713827109724542023-12-26T23:21:00.000-08:002023-12-27T11:16:39.368-08:002023, Reviewed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAnUw9Y766-xaWl-JfgO011-l6Cn7vZ2azde9uiqTz2QIU4iSVkaYKsUg5Ol6hL3voxgHo6uDPM7TMy-kobPxTKnJ5LCK9u4Kg-4_tI3MwrKy1oMyrV8a4vU9RJLVz9i6gUjX9HaHEWh7oggelKBUc9S6dJ4tJ4hNULHoG48M0O9kaQ8gs7EnU4zdjKLY/s201/Three%20stars.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="83" data-original-width="201" height="83" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAnUw9Y766-xaWl-JfgO011-l6Cn7vZ2azde9uiqTz2QIU4iSVkaYKsUg5Ol6hL3voxgHo6uDPM7TMy-kobPxTKnJ5LCK9u4Kg-4_tI3MwrKy1oMyrV8a4vU9RJLVz9i6gUjX9HaHEWh7oggelKBUc9S6dJ4tJ4hNULHoG48M0O9kaQ8gs7EnU4zdjKLY/w200-h83/Three%20stars.png" width="200" /></a></div><div id="docs-internal-guid-d090bac1-7fff-3442-5468-e38e1f85419a" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; text-align: left;"><span face="Arial,sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"></span></div><div id="docs-internal-guid-7c6305c2-7fff-006d-b69f-db02b86db58e" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; text-align: left;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>I’m not sure why The Fresco/Cable Family in
2023 was on our recommended reading list. If I gave this to my English teacher
I’d get a D-minus.</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan. I’ve read the
whole series. I love the Alaska setting, the ridiculous adventures, the goofy
humor, and the quirky characters. But… pacing? Plot? <b>Is this a coming of age
story? Or a quest that doesn’t really go anywhere? </b>There’s definitely no
story-arc with “rising action” and “denouement”. Isn’t that supposed to be a
requirement or something?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwDYc6PXKRyFP1n8T7hn_tJYkrbAznNdnbnnuVo9x0MhJjep4wRXP75izngjMpRLaQIhHa-re1Voqo4KJ2nHSZkg0RnYBBac1k3DdmUx8HQ9Dp1xkWASsLA0v_v1i20g6VykWTqTHqtyM6a2sTsn6gWtlX3TrxR3ZREoMTXSxRvWtTUhx-30sT20cYrYY/s4032/three%20in%20tree.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwDYc6PXKRyFP1n8T7hn_tJYkrbAznNdnbnnuVo9x0MhJjep4wRXP75izngjMpRLaQIhHa-re1Voqo4KJ2nHSZkg0RnYBBac1k3DdmUx8HQ9Dp1xkWASsLA0v_v1i20g6VykWTqTHqtyM6a2sTsn6gWtlX3TrxR3ZREoMTXSxRvWtTUhx-30sT20cYrYY/w150-h200/three%20in%20tree.JPG" width="150" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">The first chapter starts promisingly, with
the main characters – Molly and Lizzy – exploring the Olympic Peninsula with
their mom (Nancy) and Steve, one of everybody’s favorite recurring
characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Manish and Billy the
Dachshund also make an appearance (important!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The majesty of the Hoh National Forest is perfectly described, but
(reality check) would the shoreline beaches really be that warm and sunny in
January? And then Nancy goes on to the Bay Area and has a great time with a bunch of characters from the prequel series -- Kate, Craig, Matt, Raph, Amy -- but it rains like a monsoon? Does the author not understand weather?</p><p></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZl45PHfrKYVg14uaPPNj7G-8Rjg8A11E6A7z8jkjXdo8J7cVHm00_bPKPI927a-senMXut0CbKZsL0Bt9ji9JUXh3R39mBr3yOLSBxY2LFzqPKmoJbhMq6ih84y7OIJma3B_7sNNXBhCjXw2LLyfVztsOav8lJOEmrep8SzXbUUf98ziSTpSqx6pL3PI/s4032/Sequim%20spit.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZl45PHfrKYVg14uaPPNj7G-8Rjg8A11E6A7z8jkjXdo8J7cVHm00_bPKPI927a-senMXut0CbKZsL0Bt9ji9JUXh3R39mBr3yOLSBxY2LFzqPKmoJbhMq6ih84y7OIJma3B_7sNNXBhCjXw2LLyfVztsOav8lJOEmrep8SzXbUUf98ziSTpSqx6pL3PI/w200-h150/Sequim%20spit.JPG" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: 11pt;">And then, boom, we’re back in Fairbanks
Alaska waaaay too quickly. Darkness and ice fog may have been interesting early
in this series, but <b>I’m so done with it.</b> Do we really want to hear more about
snow-biking to school at 40 below zero?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What’s with the long sections about chemistry class, and the adult
characters buying groceries and doing taxes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <b>
</b></span><b>Editor needed!</b></span><p></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></p>In the February chapter, Nancy heads to
Anchorage for the Alaska Forum on the Environment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine a bunch of scientists and a lot of
environmental leaders from rural Indigenous communities trying to problem-solve
climate change. It’s genuinely interesting… although… good luck with that, Gen
X, but we know we’re inheriting your issues anyhow.<p></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>Sorry, is that too dark? </b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The next chapter, though… I do not like that
kind of dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>Shiloh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why? Whhhhhy?</b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0NY-zqTh2sRRplOYd9uWUu8MXP4r5uNilk5jJDcBxPKQIpEXicR7kvtn0Gsxegprorc-dxrq5NOeAb6ajlIpO1Cj8YtNfWsoUOhWdhzY0JjPOPi6ZWsJujmc2qgpPd4NsuEpzh9CPxdJ8SDq5yiZ0XNtwLdYrefmUkzUGnLW07SeCRZuwx2IR662KLMQ/s800/Jay%20snuggling%20shiloh.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0NY-zqTh2sRRplOYd9uWUu8MXP4r5uNilk5jJDcBxPKQIpEXicR7kvtn0Gsxegprorc-dxrq5NOeAb6ajlIpO1Cj8YtNfWsoUOhWdhzY0JjPOPi6ZWsJujmc2qgpPd4NsuEpzh9CPxdJ8SDq5yiZ0XNtwLdYrefmUkzUGnLW07SeCRZuwx2IR662KLMQ/w200-h200/Jay%20snuggling%20shiloh.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><p></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Shiloh the floppy-eared rescue sled-dog of
questionable ancestry and asthmatic tendencies was one of my favorites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, Eddy carries on the narrative role of
bumbling canine comic relief, with Sinbad the cat as both his nemesis and his
idol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the series will never be the
same. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>Not. Okay. At. All.</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I was about to hurl the book out the window,
but… recommended reading list… so here we go. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoc-8dI-_onxmAF0ikzcF5TMg3ZyEKWni2fGOp3_kvvqu0uJSWmem8nNeKffVBqxbiqlS-I1WnepfkrL4BnDcuAM5F_uVCikwxYuztjfm7sT2DqlU7m9OasB4jSLxvgA07Gg_yeG-ZMcyKJh6n64sMd2KW6OxUTCzN4MTOufz-ApSKpzX-zfKCXTQK5UE/s1533/ITI%20Jay%202023.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1160" data-original-width="1533" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoc-8dI-_onxmAF0ikzcF5TMg3ZyEKWni2fGOp3_kvvqu0uJSWmem8nNeKffVBqxbiqlS-I1WnepfkrL4BnDcuAM5F_uVCikwxYuztjfm7sT2DqlU7m9OasB4jSLxvgA07Gg_yeG-ZMcyKJh6n64sMd2KW6OxUTCzN4MTOufz-ApSKpzX-zfKCXTQK5UE/w200-h151/ITI%20Jay%202023.png" width="200" /></a></span>Next, we get to hear more about the dad, Jay,
as he snow-bikes to Nome on the Iditarod Trail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Right, yeah, he’s done this before. Like, what, three times, plus all
the shorter trips? It’s dramatic, it’s gorgeous, it’s an unforgiving setting.
And it’s even original – thanks to Jay’s remarkable ability to snap seat-posts.
Seriously, is that even possible IRL? And is it possible to overnight-mail bike
parts to remote villages? <b>Who dreams up these questions?</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">By the time I got to chapters devoted to
spring, I’d given up on 2023 having a clear plotline. Again, editing? Why so
many Mondays?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why am I reading about
spreadsheets and dental cleanings?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Still, there were some good parts. Lizzy and
Molly totally rock their junior year in high school, winning a state History
Day award from their project on the trail from Valdez to Fairbanks, excelling
in rock-climbing and horseback riding, respectively (both good sports for
increasing tension via action sequences, especially if you happen to have a
fear of falling), learning pottery, and preparing for Advanced Placement exams.
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglB306Sg0BjxOWrQ3fo_2lXtFYDv8TQSkRvam9NUccwCVHaDtb-7wUm7wqv9CXUAjXoITHlpaVsUOl0LYCv5QlGlIPKjAUOodFawL8V_vQVpTHzVF2_K4mJZDV54f0rHhWMSLpYC5DuQfwY_RCV_8Zb8rQ3bN5wXw4ONzNPQs8F8gVAYfeGiYSx__FJbc/s4080/IMG_20230620_113945202.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3072" data-original-width="4080" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglB306Sg0BjxOWrQ3fo_2lXtFYDv8TQSkRvam9NUccwCVHaDtb-7wUm7wqv9CXUAjXoITHlpaVsUOl0LYCv5QlGlIPKjAUOodFawL8V_vQVpTHzVF2_K4mJZDV54f0rHhWMSLpYC5DuQfwY_RCV_8Zb8rQ3bN5wXw4ONzNPQs8F8gVAYfeGiYSx__FJbc/w200-h151/IMG_20230620_113945202.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>OMG who takes five AP exams at a time?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thinking about this is giving me a headache.</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Okay, moving on. Summer. Nancy takes the
action overseas, meeting up with a character from the series prequels, Amy.
<b>[Note: giving multiple characters in a novel the same name is stupid and
confusing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?] </b>As a middle-aged comic
duo, Nancy and Amy take on a swath of Europe along the borders of Germany,
France, and Switzerland, mangling several languages and wandering from belfries
to forests and back again, croissants in hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This whole section cracked me up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ931Rxt28_9O62BcDlvExbr7vHWgde-_HVVNy3_628uc8wmJlhzAh0lmzbJu6OTmOIScHYINPtcNIU7HbuHqhHkEYMz45sIVuVmX05aGCcOc12C7Kmf92tWThKTCQcjAQdC4yb4dHrPkcNVqwr-HTSTyOsvKmZ6-KqdWfesMsZwzKVgP5nxYjj-3wqXk/s1533/Wilderness%20classic%20photo.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1155" data-original-width="1533" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ931Rxt28_9O62BcDlvExbr7vHWgde-_HVVNy3_628uc8wmJlhzAh0lmzbJu6OTmOIScHYINPtcNIU7HbuHqhHkEYMz45sIVuVmX05aGCcOc12C7Kmf92tWThKTCQcjAQdC4yb4dHrPkcNVqwr-HTSTyOsvKmZ6-KqdWfesMsZwzKVgP5nxYjj-3wqXk/w200-h151/Wilderness%20classic%20photo.png" width="200" /></a></span>Jay’s summer subplot is also entertaining. As
if biking the Iditarod Trail hadn’t been enough, he takes on the Wilderness
Classic, a race on foot and via pack raft, 190 miles cross-country from the
Little Tok River to McCarthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
Wrangell Mountains! Lynx!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bears! But why
cover so much ground in a mere six days? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>Yeah, the parents in this series are
seriously weird.</b> But you probably already knew that.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj70lrNNlMpFP0sEA-LKlQtFav4p5Sw-WzVsbSzLB38nkd_kEBr_yi5NO_SIeQV6xLuI4FRAUJTzfaixDZK2OvLtMihDDso8gNcFCNrNn0hnGwNdUk2SYeM0juR2-wL85QuQyvl_4fJHJel57YwXnExyZPFPHLOrKst06GqF-_EsjJqzZuBgNCEWZljTgo/s1793/swallow%20family.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1415" data-original-width="1793" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj70lrNNlMpFP0sEA-LKlQtFav4p5Sw-WzVsbSzLB38nkd_kEBr_yi5NO_SIeQV6xLuI4FRAUJTzfaixDZK2OvLtMihDDso8gNcFCNrNn0hnGwNdUk2SYeM0juR2-wL85QuQyvl_4fJHJel57YwXnExyZPFPHLOrKst06GqF-_EsjJqzZuBgNCEWZljTgo/w200-h158/swallow%20family.jpg" width="200" /></a><b>While the adults are wandering around the
world, the YA characters are actually working.</b> As in the last couple of books,
they have summer jobs with the Alaska Songbird Institute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here the plot makes a little more sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only is the outdoor setting perfectly
depicted in all its sunlit and mosquito-infested glory, but hatchling swallows
are fascinating, slightly repellent, and entirely adorable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">And there’s bird drama!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are the younger trainee birders under Molly’s
supervision useful, or a messy hassle?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is one male swallow visiting two neighboring nest boxes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>Do the females know?</b> The tension!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Next, <b>Wasilla.</b> (It's not just where Sarah
Palin came from.)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpMpcb0tqZaEN3zIqgTAsHX4imoQdiRB5F1I0yYy3uGRaPZSFL0R3EI3mwG6DOOjjgApz8_dwOvEyyIpruYxDXNpJj3FVxsSVVrh-q-IXalfSQ1Ooe_EsgXqNCNe34JpOjv09T9kI9cS5N6WhUaTvSRxm0oH8WxyeZDf30dgaG9BJEu4vGG9qSUW_QDV4/s4080/Cousins%20from%20above.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3072" data-original-width="4080" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpMpcb0tqZaEN3zIqgTAsHX4imoQdiRB5F1I0yYy3uGRaPZSFL0R3EI3mwG6DOOjjgApz8_dwOvEyyIpruYxDXNpJj3FVxsSVVrh-q-IXalfSQ1Ooe_EsgXqNCNe34JpOjv09T9kI9cS5N6WhUaTvSRxm0oH8WxyeZDf30dgaG9BJEu4vGG9qSUW_QDV4/w200-h151/Cousins%20from%20above.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">This interlude is a high point, but too many
great characters – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins from Utah – are crammed
in too few pages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, see the note
above about names; there are two Jays in the story, and two Charlottes, and
Robert marries Ben but also has a brother named Ben. <b>Can we call Jay by his
middle name, Egbert?</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Back in Fairbanks, Nancy takes to the stage,
this time as Lord Montague in an outdoor production of Romeo and Juliet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mom being Romeo’s dad is intrinsically
funny – which works for me, because R&J isn’t really a tragedy, it’s a
<b>dysfunctional emo comedy gone very wrong</b>. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Oh, sorry, am I getting dark again? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Perhaps in an attempt to inject some “pathos”,
“drama”, and “irony”, none of the other main characters have a chance to see
Nancy in her Shakespearean performance, because while Lizzy is recovering from
wisdom-tooth surgery that results in dry-socket and infection, Molly and Jay
come down with COVID.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>A word about the COVID theme in this novel:
it’s horribly done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Yes, it’s “authentic to the era”, but we’re
all 3+ years done with the pandemic genre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Having two central characters contract the illness in July and the other
two in October is tedious. They all have mild cases. There is no drama here,
only several chapters of hassle and coughing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>Pointless.</b></span></p>
<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSVJusKI8gOPGdDPHcFJGrPf9CQqpf1C2J9bdIPEs7DNSIs85i9zM942cbStz7PUpK-lsXAe2C9QnYHcPg26NFq1h0jrIrDCHMr4FTD5V0c5kcM1GCibmxIxpHEgHGEeJCD8Sj2rNvGdApdqrooYhgKdSq9vSA3uGqvXdqsEFstdiGLu8EVgJUDDm5rb8/s4080/Antlers%20GOTA.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3072" data-original-width="4080" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSVJusKI8gOPGdDPHcFJGrPf9CQqpf1C2J9bdIPEs7DNSIs85i9zM942cbStz7PUpK-lsXAe2C9QnYHcPg26NFq1h0jrIrDCHMr4FTD5V0c5kcM1GCibmxIxpHEgHGEeJCD8Sj2rNvGdApdqrooYhgKdSq9vSA3uGqvXdqsEFstdiGLu8EVgJUDDm5rb8/w200-h151/Antlers%20GOTA.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The August chapter is way better. The main characters
are joined by their staunch side-kick Laurel, and they travel north of the
Arctic Circle to backpack in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and Gates of
the Arctic National Park. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>Cramming three teens, two adults, and a dog
into one small pickup truck is like non-stop improv.</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Breathtaking scenery! Mountain streams! Fossils!
Hundreds of caribou bones! And (bonus) no other people!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The writing feels rushed when this chapter
shifts to the opening days of senior year, but high school does offer dramatic
potential. Engineering class involves popsicle sticks, PVC pipe, bloodshed and
mayhem. Beowulf, Chaucer, Shakespeare, and Shelley, are all deconstructed, and
we learn that (shocker) Mr. Rochester is gross, old and creepy. <b>Not. A.Romance</b>.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>Meta-moment: one of our two heroes telling her
dad, “You don’t know anything about literary criticism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously.”</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Then, more repetition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this book done yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one wants to read about frustrating
contracts with NOAA or NSF, or extended CVs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What is with adults and acronyms?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><b>No one wants to hear about – or be asked about – the hell of college
applications. Ever.</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Or descriptions of snow.</span></p>
<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUcrLve7ytL-f2lEQ8MpUTQy_AKZOVXHxoGxgTrX-D5T1fiwgnG8VDtgJtTcQ7_Tid50JP9gQH50wS8QdBqXwkughG5uzs2fU61O4UnyAm0FklhUNHJNygOd3Abw5wlBUXld-ST9Yj8iiNXo8ZYZGCgMpqhGtdM3ZCBco2EDeaViRhxlLBLidNMjtIo70/s4080/IMG_20231209_110914764_HDR.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3072" data-original-width="4080" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUcrLve7ytL-f2lEQ8MpUTQy_AKZOVXHxoGxgTrX-D5T1fiwgnG8VDtgJtTcQ7_Tid50JP9gQH50wS8QdBqXwkughG5uzs2fU61O4UnyAm0FklhUNHJNygOd3Abw5wlBUXld-ST9Yj8iiNXo8ZYZGCgMpqhGtdM3ZCBco2EDeaViRhxlLBLidNMjtIo70/w200-h151/IMG_20231209_110914764_HDR.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>Seriously, it’s snow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Call an editor, stat.</b></span><p></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Okay, so I did actually enjoy this book. I
laughed a lot, and I’m waaaay invested in these characters. But I’m holding
firm on this being appalling writing in a “narrative” sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end I had no idea whether the heroes
were even heroes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did they become better
people?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b>Did they realize their own tragic flaws?</b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I guess I’ll have to wait to find out in the
sequels.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkcqCZlwNRuZ1rElHO805-zJROWwZxvx2lpLduafNaUVrjUYvQSamupFZmsyx5RgAkRZ1C7msSdOtMS21ibTG_6z-83b5aY6hhEfVKEPvnuedjdZeOdM-KvyoCMrlbpeOnT9nGwbT5bD1eAvSAHDt4APS5LiDiGBRxKAiPvvJ0zHqDnMaBP-vmZ4WcClY/s2432/Blueberries.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2432" data-original-width="1710" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkcqCZlwNRuZ1rElHO805-zJROWwZxvx2lpLduafNaUVrjUYvQSamupFZmsyx5RgAkRZ1C7msSdOtMS21ibTG_6z-83b5aY6hhEfVKEPvnuedjdZeOdM-KvyoCMrlbpeOnT9nGwbT5bD1eAvSAHDt4APS5LiDiGBRxKAiPvvJ0zHqDnMaBP-vmZ4WcClY/w141-h200/Blueberries.jpg" width="141" /></a></div><p></p><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjapcKbJp8__pi8WCZ_WCRrjMdUIXhujdNnWYUm532E1OAToTRNSgqsx8JOGX2eNwxq2PX2pxw7KfSQyY2cZGBCMgXDA1Ql7HYb4tJuGTwbNjfTqOcLXyZCVD7xBBgyPrXAMlYZ4OrGjGwD3Ni_evmPqCC-C-5kMFyYlYgeA2VYfu-quQhpXcFBgJRZTE/s275/brain%20fog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjapcKbJp8__pi8WCZ_WCRrjMdUIXhujdNnWYUm532E1OAToTRNSgqsx8JOGX2eNwxq2PX2pxw7KfSQyY2cZGBCMgXDA1Ql7HYb4tJuGTwbNjfTqOcLXyZCVD7xBBgyPrXAMlYZ4OrGjGwD3Ni_evmPqCC-C-5kMFyYlYgeA2VYfu-quQhpXcFBgJRZTE/s1600/brain%20fog.jpg" width="275" /></a></div><br />Many conditions have similar symptoms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As seasonal illnesses ramp up and the
darkness of winter closes in, it can be difficult to tell whether you are
suffering from: <br />
<br />
a) COVID-19 (a viral infection that went out of style at least two years ago), <br />
b) Perimenopause (a life phase characterized by fluctuations in trivial and
poorly investigated non-male hormones), or <br />
c) Existential dread (a condition caused by reading the news and possessing a
modicum of logic). <p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The questionnaire below is definitely not designed to help
you self-diagnose, no matter how much that appears to be its sole and obvious
purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our lawyers would like to
remind you that medical information can only be provided by a licensed professional
who is not covered by your health insurance plan. The following questions are
designed only for your entertainment, discomfiture, and paranoid fixations.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Which of the following have you experienced?</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1) Headache</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2) Tiredness</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3) Ennui</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4) Inability to tell the difference between tiredness and
ennui</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">5) Memory lapses that seem marginally less terrifying if you
call them “fuzzy brain”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">6) Attempts to cover up fuzzy brain via fuzzy logic and
pointless arguments about things that didn’t happen, but maybe they did, and
was it your fault?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was probably your
fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deny it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">7) Loss of smell</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">8) God, what is that smell?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do I smell something?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I smell
anything?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I smell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe everyone can smell me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I don’t even remember what things used
to smell like. Is this egg salad bad?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">9) Diminished sexual desire</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">10) Diminished desire of anyone else to want to have
anything to do with you sexually, ever.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">11) Sweating with fever</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">12) Sweating without fever</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">13) Copious sweating at night</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">14) Copious sweating at any goddamn time, just random clammy
body-juice oozing and dripping and pooling like that cold bog full of long-dead
armies in Lord of the Rings.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">15) Cough</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Results: 1-6: a, b, and c; 7: a; 8-14 a, b and c; 15: a</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Note: if symptoms worsen or persist for more than two
weeks/years/decades, consult a glasses-wearing TV pharmacist, your
mother-in-law, or a YouTube ad with rapidly scrolling side effects in
four-point font.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-29003814953791356132023-11-01T18:05:00.000-07:002023-11-01T18:05:38.619-07:00Due to recent budget cuts, AP English Literature will be combined with Driver’s Education<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1JY8fDyAZe5EtDuNs8Np6elW4tX5vqrrn3hzaNCZFzOuLWdf54rrWoYBuqr_Eje9l2nnak-YJYG4XwJioFSt79011flCAfnozKGzV5JDMfhg1bWzHnH1yRN79q4wkgAZiuEHpNHwCmVQSJ41FDkDdruosjXVRBmpo7-0_W_-AcDA6cLjf4Rd8TKtNgSI/s500/beowulf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1JY8fDyAZe5EtDuNs8Np6elW4tX5vqrrn3hzaNCZFzOuLWdf54rrWoYBuqr_Eje9l2nnak-YJYG4XwJioFSt79011flCAfnozKGzV5JDMfhg1bWzHnH1yRN79q4wkgAZiuEHpNHwCmVQSJ41FDkDdruosjXVRBmpo7-0_W_-AcDA6cLjf4Rd8TKtNgSI/s320/beowulf.jpg" width="320" /></a></b></div><b><br /></b><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Unit 1</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Wiglaf his name was,
son of Weohstan, </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Although his dad was
too freaked out to even let him back out of the driveway.<br />
‘Twas no easy path that Ecgtheow’s honored heir </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Must tread over the
plain to the place </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Where the cones were
set up to practice parallel parking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
For against his will he must win a home elsewhere far, <br />
At least if he was planning on college next year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Beowulf he now saw
hard oppressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Wiglaf minded the
prizes he had given him, <br />
Not to mention the two-day extension on that essay last quarter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Not long he
lingered. <br />
With his leader-lord the young liegeman was bidden to share the shock <br />
Of accidentally mixing up the accelerator and the brake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">But only for a
moment.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Wiglaf spake, and
his words were sage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Sad in spirit, he
said to his comrades, <br />
Who were sometimes total sons of athelings, </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">“I remember what
promise we made to Beowulf <br />
In the banquet-hall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cafeteria.
Whatever. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Himself who chose us,
urged us to glory, <br />
Because he counted us keen – </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Or at least vaguely
capable of getting 5’s on the AP exam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
Okay, maybe 4’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Now the day is come
that our noble master </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Has need of the
might of warriors stout. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">Let us stride along
the hero </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;">And pay attention
when he tells us to use turn signals.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Unit 2</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To church was my fourth husband carried<br />
In the morning by neighbors, <br />
Who for him made sorrow. <br />
And young Jankyn was one of those.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I was forty, if I shall tell the truth, <br />
But as help me God, <br />
When I saw Jankyn go after the bier, <br />
I thought he had a pair of…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aye, ‘tis
the parking brake.<br />
And that good shaft, the gearshift<br />
Where I place my hand just so<br />
Upon its plump and rounded…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Nay, the warning letters<br />
From the School Superintendent<br />
Spake not of this withal.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Truly, as my husbands told me, <br />
I hadde the beste quoniam myghte be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
It will be part of your individual road tests.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Quoniam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quoniam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Quo-ni-am.</i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Syn I knowe youre delit,<br />
I shall fulfille youre worldly appetit,<br />
And teach you reverse<br />
And the imperative mood<br />
And some really tight three-point turns.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Especially you, young Jankyn.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Unit 3</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Yet here, Laertes? Aboard, aboard, for shame!<br />
I’ve got a lot of advice for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
much advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I have found the very cause of Hamlet's lunacy:<br />
He’s failed his road test five times.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What is't, Ophelia, he hath said to you? Marry, I will
teach you! Think yourself a baby?<br />
Although, come to think of it, fifteen does seem young for a permit.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It is common for the younger sort to lack discretion,<br />
But you should at least know enough to put on your seatbelts, for chrissake.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Though this be madness, yet there is a method in't</span></p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-59837983670740662612023-07-26T01:06:00.000-07:002023-07-26T17:10:50.179-07:00Parlez you Deutch?<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9TgooYyZj_tVE9SF492QxDZtGlaL6xbYJF4ZzVDy8UGl5K_46uU4H6xi1jZ8MOos14eWmoFrXbCyfhzLRYD0mEji2Xua1h-p-ALoZMjSvHfGszyHoVOsme3G04FAx1qGsj4-WioUWW0zyfrWFZwSoR5WC6tvQRxGqyJ_Cb3rpkeJOQM3K5viiRp01aAw/s1935/IMG_20230621_122853340%20(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1935" data-original-width="1362" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9TgooYyZj_tVE9SF492QxDZtGlaL6xbYJF4ZzVDy8UGl5K_46uU4H6xi1jZ8MOos14eWmoFrXbCyfhzLRYD0mEji2Xua1h-p-ALoZMjSvHfGszyHoVOsme3G04FAx1qGsj4-WioUWW0zyfrWFZwSoR5WC6tvQRxGqyJ_Cb3rpkeJOQM3K5viiRp01aAw/s320/IMG_20230621_122853340%20(2).jpg" width="225" /></a></div><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
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<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">“Ist… Toiletten?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The guy addressing me looked a little overwhelmed amidst the
hubbub of the Freiburg im Brisgau train station.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was wide-eyed, dark-haired, brown-skinned,
and barely out of his teens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also, it
seemed, needed a bathroom.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Ja!” I nodded encouragingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Ist Toiletten!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Um… Ist ein Euro…” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pointed to where a coin had to be inserted
in order to enter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pay toilets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But still, toilets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Apparently this young man had the necessary euro, which was
a good thing, because I was pretty sure I’d used the last of my own coins on
the way into the bathroom a few minutes earlier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He smiled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Danke.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Bitte”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled
back, watched him successfully gain access, and moved on.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He didn’t speak German.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then again, neither do I.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My friend Amy and I planned our European vacation with just
enough attention to detail to be sure that we didn’t end up stranded in
airports, dark alleys, or idyllic-yet-bemusing mazes of hundreds of tiny
vegetable gardens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we left much of
the trip up for grabs, including the question of precisely which towns we’d
immerse ourselves in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or which
countries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, by extension, which
languages.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I detest the arrogance of Americans who expect the entire globe
to speak English to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, however,
I am no more linguistically equipped than many such travelers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This means that if I want to see anything of
the world, I need to be willing to look like an idiot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Amy and I agreed to meet up in Karlsruhe, a mid-size college
town in western Germany where she was wrapping up a short teaching gig.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Black Forest area and the nearby Alsace-Lorraine
region of France were part of our vaguely-planned travel agenda.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Switzerland was more of a whim. But, as
entire nations with hundreds of years of complex history go, it was an
excellent whim. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Amy speaks passable but imperfect German, plus a little
French remembered from the distant past of high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I speak terrible but enthusiastic French,
gleaned from the same high school classed plus two years of not-very-dedicated
practice with the cheery Duolingo owl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
also speak approximately thirty-seven words of any other given European
language, learned via guesswork, Latin roots, and osmosis.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Obviously, we were all set for international adventure.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I flew direct from home – Fairbanks, Alaska -- to Frankfurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This trajectory offers incredible luxury in
over-the-Artic surrealism, allowing a traveler to acquire ten hours of jetlag
over the course of a nine-hour flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite
my language inadequacy, the train connection was easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because Europe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Our first full day was spent exploring Karlsruhe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ergo, talking was up to Amy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the start, she and I were unofficially
playing a game that I’ll call “Anything But English”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The goal was to conduct conversations without
our interlocutors figuratively or literally rolling their eyes and switching to
our native tongue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This game was
stacked; while Amy’s German is much better than my French, Germans are much more
likely to know English than are their French neighbors.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As such, my verb-mangling and noun-forgetting found plenty
of scope on the next stage of our journey, in the ridiculously scenic and
historic small city of Strasbourg, France.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More than once, I was reminded of David Sedaris’s snortingly funny
self-deprecation in <i>Me Talk Pretty One Day</i>: “On my fifth trip to France…
things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to
speaking like a hillbilly. "Is thems the thoughts of cows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want me some lamb chop with handles on
'em.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I had different but equally bungling food-related questions.
“C’est un legume? Pas de viande?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Je suis
une vegetarienne.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The server at the
outdoor café – all the cafes were outdoor cafes, idyllic in the cobbled
streets, shaded by umbrellas or spreading maples – was a time-worn and kindly
chain-smoker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She assured me that “le
poireau” was indeed a vegetable, but that still left a lot of wiggle-room with
regard to what kind of tart I was ordering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I dredged my brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew the
words for peas, onions, carrots, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans, cabbage, lettuce,
cucumbers...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, so it wouldn’t be a
lettuce and cucumber tart… wait… “C’est un legume comme un oignon vert, mais
tres grand?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The server grinned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Oui, oui!”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Leek!” I said, with a far greater sense of triumph than
leek-identifying could reasonably warrant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“It’s leek tart!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Leek,” our server repeated, earnestly hoping to help the
next clueless American or Brit to come along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who says the French are unaccommodating?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She wandered off to place the order.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A few minutes later, she returned to tell us that, malheureusement,
there was no leek tart today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quel
dommage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mais la tarte a l’oignon est
vraiment <span class="rynqvb"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR;">très
délicieuse</span></span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We ate onion tart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The sun shone down on the cobblestones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our server cheerfully smoked another cigarette while ambling off to get
us the bill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In some ways, Amy and I traveled exactly like the
middle-aged people we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clubbing and
nightlife were nowhere on the agenda; we were more interested in cathedrals,
museums, architecture, parks, forests, and gardens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the other hand, we toted backpacks, draped
sink-washed laundry around our modest shared hotel rooms, and walked 12-16
miles per day, just… seeing stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
ate fruit by the pound from market stalls, and consumed fresh-baked croissants,
pretzels, and baguettes with glutenous and gluttonous abandon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We climbed all the steps, turrets, hills, and
belltowers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the belltowers!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we made linguistic fools of ourselves.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At our Strasbourg hotel, the desk clerk, a tall, slender
young Black man, grinned at my French and asked where I learned it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In high school, I told him -- which was a
long, long, LONG time ago – and from the little green Duolingo owl on my
phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did I speak English? he inquired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I complimented him on his command of my
own language, he told me that he’d learned it from his dad, who was from Ghana.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His self-deprecating tone suggested that his
bilingualism was easy, almost a form of cheating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thousands of new citizens are enriching the linguistic
complexity of Europe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All three of the
nations that Amy and I visited have thriving populations of immigrants, as well
as kids growing up as first-generation natives. Many of the new residents are
refugees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>France has welcomed half a
million in recent years, mostly from Afghanistan, Syria, and Sri Lanka.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Germany is now home to almost one and a half
million diverse new residents, a fact that feels keenly poignant on so many
different levels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the streets, I
heard mashups of… well, okay, I’m not entirely sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>French and Pashto?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>German and Arabic? It’s a gleeful, colorful,
complicated, wonderful Babel out there, and we threw ourselves into it. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Wandering the pedestrian plazas of Strasbourg one evening,
Amy and I found our dinnertime palates tempted not by haute cuisine, but by a
cheerful hole-in-the wall Syrian place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“I feel like we should eat French food while we’re in France,” I said,
then paused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This food WAS French food,
being eaten by newly French people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The felafel was excellent.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Later in the trip, a young man who looked perhaps of Syrian
origin politely approached me as I was returning a rental bike to a rack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wanted to know if he could check out the
same bike after I’d checked it in, because it clearly worked well and was the
right size.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He started the conversation
in German.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were in a border town, so
I tried French.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He responded in
kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t until we were pleasantly
parting that it became clear that he also spoke perfectly serviceable English.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This three-flavor blended language became even more
prevalent in Switzerland, which is not just a border town but a border nation. Basel,
Switzerland was easy to reach (trains!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
Rhine was azure in the summer heat, and I envied the locals bobbing sociably
down the river, their clothes and valuables floating with them in little
dry-bags.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These folks were clearly
planning to hop out refreshed and take public transport home (trams!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Basel also had the coolest cathedral of all, boasting
two bell towers AND a dim and delightfully creepy crypt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And everyone in Basel seemed to speak at
least three languages – not necessarily one at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My mother spent a year in Switzerland as a young adult,
honing her high school French into fluency while typing letters for an
international corporation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Years later,
trotting out her rusty language skills, she laughingly remarked that her French
was better after a glass of wine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
had a point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Sedaris demonstrates, multilingualism
requires a level of letting go. In Basel, I felt like there was no way to do
language “wrong”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was here that I
gave up any last pretenses of knowing anything about verb tenses or noun
genders, and just jumped into the full-on linguistic bedlam.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I thought that communication would revert to being Amy’s job
when we left France, but Basel wasn’t the only place that felt like a
free-for-all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Late one afternoon, on
another scorching-yet-wonderful day of exploring, I heard, “Excuse me?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An anxious-looking girl of about 12 or 13 was
addressing me in English… with a thick French accent… in Germany.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It took me a moment to parse this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the surrounding gaggle of notebook-toting
middle-schoolers offered an instant flash-back to mid-eighties school field
trips with Amy and 23 other tragically awkward children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We often visited neighboring states, such as
the wilds of New Jersey, where we had to record important facts about historic
monuments or pause to “notice the terrain”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These poor kids were clearly on a field trip to a neighboring nation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I jumped in and started trying to help them in my awful
French. This resulted in several fits of uncontrollable giggling from the
hangers-on, but a look of relief from the poor girl who had somehow been forced
by her peers into the position of interlingual spokesperson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She answered me in a rush of French.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="rynqvb"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR;">I did my best.<i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>La rue à droite,
puis tournez à gauche, c'est tout près</i>.</span></span><span class="hwtze"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR;"> </span></span><span class="rynqvb"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR;">I’m pretty sure they would have found the
cathedral without my help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s très
grande. But there was satisfaction in communication – even though I couldn’t
explain, in French, the connection and nostalgia I felt.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="rynqvb"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR;">I wasn’t sure I would have been able to explain it in English.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nonetheless, throughout the trip, my lack of
ability to explain myself didn’t stop me from doing things that might require
explanation – such as stopping in the middle of a German city park and sticking
my head in the lake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In my defense, there was a clear precedent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A brisk, fit, 70ish guy in a bathing suit and
towel had just emerged from an early-morning dip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was about 6:30 a.m., but the temperature
was already about 70 (or 21, for reasonable metric Europeans).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A combination of jet-lag, enthusiasm, and
scorching weather had rendered me a Very Early Morning Jogger.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I popped up, my hair refreshingly soaked, a woman
appeared at my side. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked like a
solid citizen: about my age, earnest, tidy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Guten Morgen,” I smiled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
answered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And didn’t stop answering.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This woman seemed to be a chatty-yet-solemn extrovert with
time on her hands and a lot to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
involved water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And chlorine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And. . . I don’t know, something complicated
about cancer, a tragedy, children, medical care?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things were better now? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was worthy of lots of head-nodding and
hmm-hmming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was way too late for me
to try to explain that I do not, in fact speak German.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Instead, I kept a straight face and nodded seriously at the serious lady
who was telling me serious things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
learned a lot from her – albeit not, perhaps, precisely the things she was
trying to tell me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I learned that listening, even without comprehension, can
still be valuable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was reminded that
body language accounts for a staggeringly high percentage of
communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I pondered the deep,
complex, overwhelmingly hard-wired linguistic instincts that have driven humans
to invent and propagate languages. Everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every era.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pidgins, creoles,
dialects, sign languages, and all the insanity of verb tenses – we’ve done this
instinctively, collectively, literally thousands of times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Language is not merely a characteristic of
humans, it’s part of the fundamental definition and blueprint of our
species.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re tool-using apes, true,
but even more obviously, we’re apes who communicate – socially,
informationally, educationally, connectively, crucially, constantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even while dripping next to a lake.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Eventually, I used polite gestures to suggest that, gosh,
maybe I’d better be continuing my morning run.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I smiled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Danke schon!” I said, as I jogged away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I meant every word.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The trip ended before I wanted it to, as all trips should. On
my flight home – a surreal nine solid hours of it being consistently 2:10 in
the afternoon – the Condor flight attendant spoke to me in German, and I
carefully replied with my miniscule vocabulary: danke, bitte, wasser,
CocaCola.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was undoubtedly laughing
at me behind her polite smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her
English was impeccable, and she was, somewhat inexplicably, using that language
to communicate with the fellow Fairbanksan who happened to be seated next to
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I wasn’t ready to return to the
humdrum of “yes please” and “no thanks” until I was through Customs and
Immigration.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Looking back on the trip now, I think that although I
clocked a few victories in almost actually speaking French, my favorite foreign-language
conversation was the one that took place in elemental Deutch. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Is toilets?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Yes, is toilets!” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t speak any German.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Neither did the young stranger in the Freiburg im Brisgau train station.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re both human, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes that’s what matters most.</p>
<br />nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-54294058963131169142023-05-14T15:40:00.001-07:002023-05-14T15:40:35.312-07:00Gegiedes<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7MD28WRePZih84k8BGxa9r0hpy31-Xf01U7uBMGM8cPcihN_orjrAJwq-drLytfayI2Ybf2INvgPAD7bAR-lpCmYe8qGQKUN4B88cgSNr9Qu8TaUFxSicPOQoW40Q54FqhUk8XvAeITswSekcmpCClW2q1VhXAIaDm1CLBHVIspDvx9w5bL2VaY6a/s1182/First%20Folio%20Shakespeare.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="579" data-original-width="1182" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7MD28WRePZih84k8BGxa9r0hpy31-Xf01U7uBMGM8cPcihN_orjrAJwq-drLytfayI2Ybf2INvgPAD7bAR-lpCmYe8qGQKUN4B88cgSNr9Qu8TaUFxSicPOQoW40Q54FqhUk8XvAeITswSekcmpCClW2q1VhXAIaDm1CLBHVIspDvx9w5bL2VaY6a/w400-h196/First%20Folio%20Shakespeare.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">GEGIEDES</span></u></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A ten-minute play</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">by Nancy Fresco</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Characters</span></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Dr. Rachel
Marbank, English professor and Shakespeare scholar (female, 30s-50s)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Emily Youngblood,
Master’s student in English Literature (female, early 20s)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Gegiedes
(male, 30-50s – approximately the same age as Rachel)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Setting</span></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A faculty
office in a college somewhere in the US, present day</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Notes</span></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The set can
be minimal, with a desk or small table, office chair, and additional chair suggesting
the office space.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Costuming is
basic: slightly frumpy for Rachel and unobtrusive for Emily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gegiedes should wear a tunic or toga in the
style of ancient Greece, preferably with sandals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Characters
can be of any race or physical ability, and genders and names can be changed at
the discretion of the director.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[LIGHTS UP. RACHEL is sitting at her desk, stage right, reading
and marking a stack of paperwork as if grading papers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looks tired and over-worked. GEGIEDES
enters unseen by RACHEL, stage left. She does not hear him as he speaks.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">GEGIEDES<br />
Two academics, both alike in dignity,<br />
In ivory tower, where we lay our scene,<br />
From ancient tryst find new-fledged amity,<br />
Where civil rules kept civil minds too clean.<br />
From forth the dusty tomes of academe<br />
A pair of star-eyed lovers reappears<br />
Whose new adventures soon will make it seem<br />
The joy of youth’s untrammeled by the years<br />
The sweat-marked passage of these scholars’ love,<br />
Although they may be of your parents' age,<br />
Will, thanks to tenure, soon have naught to prove.<br />
‘Twill be but ten minutes traffic on our stage;<br />
The which if you with patient ears attend,<br />
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[GEGIEDES exits stage left as we hear the sound of someone
knocking at the door stage right.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Looking up and sighing at the interruption] Come in.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[EMILY enters, tentatively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She is carrying a folder full of papers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>RACHEL smiles and gestures her toward a chair.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Good
morning, Emily – it’s Emily, right? [EMILY nods] You said you wanted to discuss
a potential Master’s thesis topic with me? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should warn you that I really can’t take on
much right now, in terms of advising duties.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Yes, I – well, thank you so much for taking the time, Dr. Marbank. I’ll be
brief. I know that your work includes an examination of the social context of the
humor in Shakespeare’s plays… so I thought…[trails off uncertainly]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[With a slight laugh] Oh, that goes back a good few years – but yes, I did co-author
a couple of papers with Nick when we were… [Pause, as if in happy nostalgic
memory] … that is, when I was a student.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Yes, “The Role of the Clown: Iconoclastic Boundary-Crossing in Shakespearean
Histories” -- with [looks at the top paper in her folder] Nikolas Papadopoulos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he’s not here anymore...</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Ah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, Nick left long ago. We… lost touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was… a foreign exchange student… brilliant,
quirky, so creative, always laughing… we were so very young... [Pause, clears
throat]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was also “The Comic Muse
as—”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Eagerly interrupting]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“— as the Voice
of the Commoner in Shakespeare’s Works.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve read that, too.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Pleased] Well, it’s nice to know that another generation is appreciating the
Bard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m particularly interested in how
his works were understood and interpreted by people in the Globe Theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The original audiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, um, how that’s different from now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Patiently] Which aspect of that difference?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Like, specifically, we take the plays more seriously nowadays, because we don’t
include Gegiedes [pronounced guh GUY uh deez].</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Wait… who?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Gegiedes enters stage left, unseen by RACHEL and EMILY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He carries a lightweight chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He strolls to a spot about 15 feet from them,
slightly upstage, and seats himself in a posture imitating that of RACHEL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she speaks and moves, he exaggeratedly
mimics her mannerisms and motions.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Gegiedes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Perplexed] Nick and I never…. That is, I’ve read Shakespeare’s complete works
more than once, and I don’t recall and character by the name of…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Gegiedes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well… yeah, he’s not in the
Complete Works.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
I’ve also read lesser known quartos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Contested versions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m afraid I
still don’t...</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Um.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s not in those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>[Pause. RACHEL checks her watch, and EMILY
shifts uncomfortably.]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve found
references to him in primary sources! [Fumbles in her folder, pulls out a paper].
See, here, from Abraham Wright’s Notebook, he called Hamlet [reads] “An
indifferent play, but for the wit of Gegiedes.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Obviously startled] That’s not what I remember from Wright. [Takes paper from
EMILY, peers at it.] <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But who – who is
this Gegiedes?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Well… Wright didn’t say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just that he
was funny and smart, I guess?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I was
curious, so I started looking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And… see,
here. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>[Pulls out another paper]. Gabriel
Harvey scribbled in a margin of one of his books, [reads] “The younger sort
take much delight in Shakespeare’s Venus and Adonis; but his Lucrece and his
tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, have it in them to please the wiser sort”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Oh, yes, I remember how amused Nick was by Harvey’s –</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Interrupting] Then under that, he wrote, “Gegiedes”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
What?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
And underlined it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Twice.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Thoroughly engaged now, pushing aside her previous stack of papers and taking
another paper from EMILY.]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How did I
never notice… But this one [waving a paper], this is one of Simon Forman’s well-known
accounts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t see…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Leaning over the document and pointing] There, see that?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
I don’t… Oh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s… a gamma?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Greek gamma!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I… don’t speak much Greek.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned a little, from Nick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish I’d learned more.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Gamma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like, an initial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Gamma for Gegiedes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, see, it’s all over his notes,
if you look. But sometimes it’s uppercase and sometimes lowercase, and either
one could pass for just an extra squiggle, you know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because… Greek letters?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the spelling was weird – I mean,
non-standard -- back then, anyhow.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Eagerly rifling through pages] Yes, I see!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[RACHEL and EMILY lean together over EMILY’s papers, immersed
in reading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>GEGIEDES stands and strolls
a few steps forward, still unseen by them.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">GEGIEDES<br />
Once old desire did in its death-bed lie,<br />
And new affection gaped to be its heir;<br />
That fleeting “fair” that caught a wand’ring eye<br />
With Rachel matched again -- seems now not fair.<br />
So once beguiled, returning, loves again,<br />
Bewitched now not by shallow charms and looks,<br />
But to his love drawn nigh by wit and brain<br />
To steal love's sweets amid a stack of books.<br />
Being thought unreal, he lacks clear schemes<br />
To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear;<br />
And she perhaps still loves, yet has no dreams<br />
To meet her once-beloved anywhere:<br />
But passion lends them power, time, means, to meet<br />
Thus tempering reality with heat.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Gegiedes strolls back to his seat. He watches Rachel with
great interest, no longer mocking her movements, but listening intently and
reacting –nodding, smiling, seeming to cheer her on.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
So… I wondered if maybe Gegiedes was an unnamed clown?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you wrote about the clowns…<br />
<br />
RACHEL<br />
Almost all the Bard’s plays have some kind of fool, of course, but he’s usually
named – Dogberry, Costard...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the
characters Nick and I loved so much… <br />
<br />
EMILY<br />
But none of them are named Gegiedes.<br />
<br />
RACHEL<br />
He’s just “clown” in Othello, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Oh, and in Titus Andronicus, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ugh, humor doesn’t work well in that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he’s just “Fool” in King Lear.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
What about the character called Chorus? <br />
<br />
RACHEL<br />
Hmm… that’s an idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was a concept borrowed
from the Greek tradition… although the chorus wasn’t comic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shakespeare used a chorus in five of his
plays: Romeo and Juliet, Troilus and Cressida, Pericles, and Henry IV, parts 1
and 2.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
I always felt like that Chorus character was weird in Romeo and Juliet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, when I first saw it, when I was a
kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like, who is he?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And where does he go for the whole play?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gives a summary of the story at the beginning,
then he shows up for one more sonnet and then…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Yes, and then buggers off and never reappears again. Gone. Chorus abandonment. No
Greek closure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very unsatisfying…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Gegiedes looks guilty and stricken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He sinks his head into his hands, as if
berating himself.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">…but then,
Romeo and Juliet is hugely overrated as a romance, in my opinion.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
That’s what I’ve always thought!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it
seemed kind of unsophisticated to admit that I like the comedies better…<br />
<br />
RACHEL<br />
Maybe sophistication is overrated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>[She
smiles] Nick and I had a hell of a lot of fun, exploring the comedies.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span>[Gegiedes
perks up and looks hopeful.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
The name Gegiedes… I wonder… [She pulls out her phone and taps the screen as
she talks].<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really don’t remember much
of the Greek Nick taught me, but Google Translate… Huh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>[She pauses, taps the screen, looks
surprised, taps the screen again.]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well,
depending on the spelling and accents or lack thereof, it seems like Gegiedes
means “sir” or “priest”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or possibly “old
man…”<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span>[Gegiedes
looks mock-offended]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Or even “old
woman” or “grandmother”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Gegiedes shrugs and throws up his hands, as if saying sure,
whatever.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">… but, no,
that accent would change the pronunciation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So… maybe “sir” is closest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just…
some guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s more a generic
title than a name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A placeholder. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
So… Gegiedes could be the clown, the chorus, the priest… just some kind of
narrator person?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But… why is he never
listed directly, or named in any of the scripts?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Pondering as she talks] Well… maybe Gegiedes was a running joke between Shakespeare,
his Players, and the audiences in the Globe?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe he was understood to be whichever character spoke directly to the
audience, and wasn’t afraid to mock the other characters, the narrative, the playwright
himself…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
A hilariously snarky commentator?<br />
<br />
RACHEL<br />
Reminding everyone not to take life too seriously all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>[Smiling] Nick was so good at that.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In your paper – the one about
being iconoclastic – you and Nick, I mean Professor Papadopoulos…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
I have no idea whether he ever became a professor.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Gegiedes straightens up proudly, mimes putting a mortarboard
on his head.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
The two of you wrote about how the clown’s role is to tell subversive
truths.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To speak truth to power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
This is why Shakespeare is timeless.<br />
<br />
EMILY<br />
To laugh at all the rich pompous idiots who think they’re right because
everyone else is too afraid to say they’re not.<br />
<br />
RACHEL<br />
See?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Timeless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like Shakespeare knew about the tenure
review process.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Laughing] To mock tradition-for-the-sake-of-tradition?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
And formality that undermines humanity, and ego that wrecks spontaneity, and middle-aged
staidness that forgets the joyous frivolity of youth. All of that, in a sexy Greek
toga.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Laughing harder] Shakespeare thought togas were sexy?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Who knows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell, why not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shakespeare made sexual jokes out of
everything – swords, cups, you name it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
maybe… well, as far as we can tell, Shakespeare wasn’t fully in control of Gegiedes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wasn’t named.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wasn’t written in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And… maybe that was the point.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
What do you mean?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Well… all these audience members who loved Gegiedes [she gestures to EMILY’s
folder of papers] …maybe they weren’t all seeing the same Gegiedes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, not seeing him in quite the same way.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Like… he was ad-libbing?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
The funniest people tend to do that a lot.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
One of the Players?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or several of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or all of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who doesn’t have an inner Gegiedes, just
waiting to come out?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
We all have an inner snarky voice?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Providing cogent, witty, iconoclastic commentary on everything that is
ridiculous in life, and everything that is charming, and everything that we are
afraid to say, and afraid to see, and afraid to admit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
And our inner voice is personified by a Greek dude wandering around in a toga?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Indubitably. [Laughs]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, really, I
guess the point might be that our inner voice could be anyone – like that vague
translation of “Gegiedes”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sage, the
elder, the holy man, the fool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be
personified in a character, or ad-libbed by an actor who wants to goad and
tweak the playwright when he’s taking himself too seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe even an audience member can be
Gegiedes.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Shakespeare, Rocky Horror style?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
People yelled and threw vegetables.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
sure, it’s possible they also jumped up and joined the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But… maybe once audiences have accepted all
those permutations of Gegiedes, then he’s always there, even when he’s not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The eternal and ever-present Gegiedes.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Like, just in people’s heads?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Say you’re watching Romeo and Juliet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
the party scene near the beginning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
is Gegiedes saying?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
“Wow, Romeo, you little twit, you absolutely don’t know the difference between
love and hormones.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Exactly!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what does Gegiedes have to
say to Lord and Lady Capulet?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
“Okay, so you obviously ducked out of all responsibility and let your kid be
raised by this kind-hearted but slightly crazy nurse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That might work out okay if you weren’t also
obsessive egotists wrapped up in politics and petty feuds.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Ha, great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what would you say to the
Friar, later on?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
“Really, you think this is a good idea?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Marrying these kids?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Has celibacy
addled you? This whole scenario isn’t a romance, it’s a treatise on bad parenting.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Impressed] Wow, you have quite the inner Gegiedes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Modest] Well, I got a lot of that from the papers that you and Dr. Papadopoulos
wrote.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
As I said, I have no idea whether Nick’s a…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Interrupting]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About that… I maybe haven’t
been totally honest about all this. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[There is a pause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Emily is gathering her thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rachel looks at her in confusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Meanwhile, Gegiedes jumps up, grabbing his chair, and hurries offstage.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
I mean, all the part about hoping to work with you as an advisor for my Master’s
thesis, that’s all true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
desperately digging around for a topic, reading all the publications from all
the faculty members in the English department, and I loved those papers you
wrote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I emailed you right away, last
month, but I didn’t hear back…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Ugh, so sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Email gets away from me…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Oh, it’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept going anyhow,
taking a deep dive into original sources, like I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I found Gegiedes, and was really
excited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hadn’t heard from you, and was
going to email again, but then I saw that your co-author had a Greek name, and
I thought, well, Greek, gamma, Gegiedes – maybe he’d be interested?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe he’d know something?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I could try emailing him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I did.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Nick?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But… how?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Shrugging]<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Google?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
But Papadopoulos is literally the most common name in Greece…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
I just assumed he’d be Dr. Papadopoulos, and that he’d still be working on Shakespearean
stuff in some way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It… wasn’t hard.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Chagrinned] No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, I guess it wouldn’t
have been hard.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
Anyhow, he wrote back right away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was
really excited about Gegiedes, and had a lot of the same ideas as the ones you
just came up with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He… asked a lot about
you, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t have much to tell
him, of course.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>[Pause] But, you have his
email address… I wonder if…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span>[There
is a knock at the office door.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Perplexed and slightly irritated to be interrupted] Yes? Come in?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Gegiedes enters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
is now dressed in ordinary casual clothes, e.g. jeans and a T-shirt, but he is
still wearing his classic Greek sandals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He pauses, uncertain and hesitant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He and Rachel look at one another for a long beat.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Nick?!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">EMILY<br />
[Performing introductions with mock formality] Dr. Marbank, Dr.
Papadopoulos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr. Papadopoulos, Dr.
Marbank.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
Nick.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[RACHEL slowly rises from her chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and GEGIEDES continue to gaze at one
another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He moves forward toward her
slowly, still uncertain, and stops about a dozen feet away.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">GEGIEDES<br />
“If we shadows have offended…”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Laughing, joyful] “…say but this, and all is mended!”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[RACHEL and GEGIEDES run to one another and embrace
warmly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then then fall back to arms’
length, holding both of each others’ hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They slowly spin one another, laughing. They each let go of one hand,
keeping the others clasped, and start toward the exit together, holding hands, heads
close, whispering and laughing together.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RACHEL<br />
[Over her shoulder, to Emily] Have you considered expanding your thesis ideas
into a PhD?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think you’ve got a lot of
great material.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Still murmuring and laughing, RACHEL and GEGIEDES exit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Emily moves from her chair to the seat at the
desk previously occupied by Rachel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
puts her feet up on the desk, leaning back comfortably, stretching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Smiling, she picks up her folder of materials
and gets to work.]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 3.0in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 264.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-82093151999739028032023-01-31T11:18:00.001-08:002023-01-31T12:03:07.147-08:00First person plural<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjLX2kbVTJ31NBBB-2SepMXBu6VAsxPYmJeBqwVOnsqMlQthx3sI6r9_Sn2iLKwSRAPiUwyrLA4Ka4oOv81pUoVgL38aqtulm_GGsBjSHyESMa7Hgd91GQ1KYqOmOKasHbcSyQ11sGaUTZmBbGqk8hs2bMrywar4hovKIQYnxQXLAupAXU5n7t8pPC/s782/Baby%20twins%202006%20(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="522" data-original-width="782" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjLX2kbVTJ31NBBB-2SepMXBu6VAsxPYmJeBqwVOnsqMlQthx3sI6r9_Sn2iLKwSRAPiUwyrLA4Ka4oOv81pUoVgL38aqtulm_GGsBjSHyESMa7Hgd91GQ1KYqOmOKasHbcSyQ11sGaUTZmBbGqk8hs2bMrywar4hovKIQYnxQXLAupAXU5n7t8pPC/s320/Baby%20twins%202006%20(2).jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p> “You really need get better with your use of pronouns, Dad.”
<p class="MsoNormal">Given that I was not the target of the teens’ lecture on grammatical
usage – specifically, singular “they” for non-binary individuals -- I was happy
to snicker from the couch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My own pronoun-fluency
might be shaky and my linguistic knowledge embarrassingly sparse,
old-fashioned, and European/colonial, but for now, at least, they (third person
plural) were correcting him (third person singular) rather than me (first
person singular). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>We know about this, Dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Listen to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our classes…</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>We/us/our. </i>These are not contentious words, but in
the context of pronouns I found myself noticing my kids’ casual use of the
first-person plural.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As twins, despite
their differences and arguments, they are often “we”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Way back, I fretted that this might be a
problem, but I’ve long since stopped worrying that they won’t forge highly
distinct identities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So why does their “we”
still occasionally make me pause?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The first-person plural sometimes catches my attention when friends
use it, too. <i>We’re heading down to Denali for the weekend. We have tickets
for the show.</i> I notice it most when it’s used to describe not just shared
actions, but also shared states of mind.<i> We love that book!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We always laugh when that happens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re planning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re hoping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We can’t wait!</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Does “we” confuse me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Does it make me jealous, or anxious, or wistful, or lonely?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I use it less than other people do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Existentially, is there an ideal level of “we”
in everyone’s life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does it differ from
person to person, and place to place?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How does “we” fit into a culture, and a language?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve heard the argument that the way we view the world is
limited by what words exist in our language.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This seems overly simplistic; English doesn’t have words for “hygge” or “iktsuarpok”
or “greng-jai”*, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand those concepts,
or haven’t experienced those feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
just need more words to say these things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And yet, I’d agree that the words that a language offers – or doesn’t --
reflect something about the assumptions, the biases, the blind spots, and the strengths
of a culture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How, then, have English
pronouns affected my worldview?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what
does the whole global Babel have to offer in the realm of pronouns?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I know that many languages – unlike English -- offer a
wealth of ways in which to show varying levels of formality, respect, and
relatedness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m relived that mine doesn’t;
I’m not fond of formalities, and I’m sure I’d make egregious social errors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m likewise glad that we’re not like the
French – and many others – who insist on assigning random genders to
objects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>The petunia, he is
flowering!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mustache, she is
curly!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vagina, he is…</i> wait,
what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the prostate is female.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I guess the French already understand gender fluidity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Duolingo owl-mascot was mocking my ignorance. With a
combination of genuine linguistic curiosity and blatant procrastination, I started
Googling, and took a deep pronoun dive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">English, as it turns out, is even more lacking than I
thought it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I already knew, as alluded to by the teen admonitions above,
that English’s third-person options are problematic. He, she… Why use gendered
pronouns at all? Sometimes a person’s gender is neutral, and sometimes it is unknown.
It’s rarely salient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being constantly
reminded of gender and forced to reference it in every sentence is annoying. Logically,
we could pare down third-person pronouns to “it” and “they”, but “it” is
considered so offensive when used for people that we struggle when admiring
someone’s infant, or even their dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Due
to our “it” aversion, we long ago started using singular “they” for a person of
unknown gender, as in, “What if you had a really weird English teacher, and
they forced you to read blog posts about grammar?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to dehumanize anyone, so I’ll
roll with this -- and I’ll try to do so smoothly enough to prove that I’m not
an old fart.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I also already knew that our second-person pronouns are insufficient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like simplicity and equality, but English
is downright spartan here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We need a
plural “you”. <i>Would you like to come over for supper?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does this mean my whole family is
invited?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or just me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I ask for clarification without seeming pushy?
What if I offer to bring a pie?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Southerners
use “y’all” and some New Yorkers resort to “yous”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m more New York than Southern, notwithstanding
the homemade pecan pie I’m bringing, so I’m voting “yous”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do yous think of this plan?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That’s two strikes against English for third-person and
second-person issues… but I’d never considered that our first-person pronouns
are also limiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where we get back
to “we” – and my weird feelings about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As it turns out, the reason why “we” sometimes feels exclusive
rather than inclusive is due to something called. . . wait for it. . . “clusivity”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clusivity addresses the question of whether
the speaker is referring to people who are part of the conversation, or to people
who aren’t: does “we” mean “me and you(s)” or “me and he/she/it/them”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Apparently many languages – Mandarin, Lakota, Vietnamese, Maori,
Punjabi, Hawaiian, Cree, Fula, and dozens of others spread across the world – have
different words for “we that includes the person being spoken to”, and “we that
does not”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This distinction is lacking
not only in English, but in every other western European language – although it’s
present in American Sign Language.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Obviously, it’s not impossible to disambiguate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As with “hygge”, it just takes more words, an
understanding of normal social rules, and maybe some pie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, clusivity fascinates me, because it seems
so closely tied to a sense of belonging, to community, to the difference
between individual and group thinking, to partnerships, friendships, marriages,
kinship, barriers and boundaries. Where am I in the Venn diagrams that
helpfully illustrate the Wikipedia page on clusivity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The more I think about it, the more the two meanings of “we”
seem radically different, conceptually and emotionally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If my kids use “we” to mean just the two of
them <i>– “We’ll do it later!”</i> that’s very different from the “we” that
also includes me – <i>Can we go to the library this weekend?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a friend uses “we” to mean the two of us –
<i>We could grab some Thai food for lunch</i> – that’s not at all the same as
the “we” that includes only my friend and some default other person who is definitely
not me – <i>We always play cribbage on Fridays.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We love that movie!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re
planning an exciting trip to a sunny far-off land with way more pronouns than
America.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>One type of “we” makes me
feel connected, and one type… not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Inclusive “we”, exclusive “we”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why
did I ever think they were the same word?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Well, because my language decided that for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Duh.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Is “duh” really a word?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do other languages have a word for “duh”?</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Deep in my nerdy linguistic investigation, I told the twins
about what I’d read<i>. You know how you were talking about pronouns?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>There’s this concept called clusivity…</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As it turned out, my<i> </i>knowledge of pronouns was just
as laughably deficient as their dad’s.<i> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We already know all about that, Mom. We had a
long discussion about whether to have one pronoun or two for “we”, when we were
inventing our own language.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Duh. Of course they did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s so last year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually, that
was almost three years ago, but who’s counting?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wandered away, carrying my wounded pride wrapped up in my kids’ exclusive
“we”.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But a few days later, curious, I circled back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What pronouns, I inquired, did they
ultimately decide upon, back when they were inventing that language?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The answer, it turned out, was that they went for simplicity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They settled on just six – singular and
plural for first, second, and third person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I felt pleased that my opinions matched theirs when it came
to ditching genders and adding something akin to “yous”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My internal logic was sound and up-to-date!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hip, even!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As for their choice regarding the lack of separate words for inclusive
and exclusive “we”, I’m ambivalent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
still haven’t decided how I’d parse that, if I had any power whatsoever over linguistics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still haven’t decided whether the
distinction is meaningful and influential, or just a semantic blip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know whether my culture’s focus on
individualism has biased our language, and whether that in turn steers the way
we think about being part of a pair, a partnership, a group, a community, a “we”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still not sure whether “we, but
definitely not including you” would feel better or worse, conversationally and
emotionally, if we had a word for that.<br />
<br />
In examining my own clusivity, I realize that although I’m a sister, a spouse,
a mother, and a friend, and have been part of two different nuclear families, I’ve
never had an automatic “exclusive we” -- a plural version of myself that I drop
casually into conversation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, I
frequently use both types of “we”-- <i>We’re collaborating on a paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re going skiing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We made chana masala and</i> <i>naan --</i> but
always with pre-stated names or other semantic clues, not as a default.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rarely if ever profess exclusive-we emotional
states: <i>we think, we hope, we dream, we love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Is this cultural?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Personal?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Something about my upbringing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is
such isolationism more common in speakers of languages with limited clusivity
options?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>True, I’m usually glad to have autonomy, neural
privacy, and first-person-singularity. I’ve been alone in my head for half a
century, and I’m used to it. But sometimes I long for a Vulcan mind-meld.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I miss the phantom twin I never
had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I want another word for “we”.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On the bright side, we -- the twins and I -- had an
excellent conversation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt… included.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also felt educated by my teenagers, which
can only be a good thing. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The kids are alright. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really need
to get better with my use of pronouns.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">* Hygge (Danish): a quality of coziness and comfortable
conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Iktsuarpok (Inuktitut): the feeling of anticipation while
waiting for someone to arrive, often leading to intermittently going outside to
check for them.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Greng-jai (Thai): being aware of other people’s feelings and
showing politeness, respect and consideration, particularly in a manner that helps
others save face and avoids inconveniencing them.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKubBTvts6wu2-QlYuRSI9HgLadQFkzBJhb6wDACeNIw9ve3jD5qnQ5Ueuii4e7RZTod-aaMYsJl8unyyK2u1i_vZWS0M2umv1JfKU_EXK7_Nzzr-7rk8U_fCiqpYH2mYcnDUcYjhzJPl57KiThwRMRq45HaZ-0soQxRxD2kg4kKJ1QphFA9kL5DDr/s311/Inclusive-exclusive.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="152" data-original-width="311" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKubBTvts6wu2-QlYuRSI9HgLadQFkzBJhb6wDACeNIw9ve3jD5qnQ5Ueuii4e7RZTod-aaMYsJl8unyyK2u1i_vZWS0M2umv1JfKU_EXK7_Nzzr-7rk8U_fCiqpYH2mYcnDUcYjhzJPl57KiThwRMRq45HaZ-0soQxRxD2kg4kKJ1QphFA9kL5DDr/s1600/Inclusive-exclusive.jpg" width="311" /></a> <br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-85863198731040736112022-12-25T00:36:00.001-08:002022-12-25T00:36:09.563-08:00Assembly Instructions (2022)<p> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
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<![endif]--><b><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi21thG2BU9NQRryhmLVPGmTwas-rEmveXLvy3JyOZn2Qj61Y5WgAcUulLVnQO6LIUAasjKBeIczqIOdVvknWzDxs3Ox_ZyBzIG7clT_ifpTJdafGQhRIA4BirnV2u94bodTuJAAJAEXM2_5w898GmLx7PdkSp0941lSPp44A0LpEcXb-laFFn-Jt5z/s186/warning.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="186" data-original-width="186" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi21thG2BU9NQRryhmLVPGmTwas-rEmveXLvy3JyOZn2Qj61Y5WgAcUulLVnQO6LIUAasjKBeIczqIOdVvknWzDxs3Ox_ZyBzIG7clT_ifpTJdafGQhRIA4BirnV2u94bodTuJAAJAEXM2_5w898GmLx7PdkSp0941lSPp44A0LpEcXb-laFFn-Jt5z/w200-h200/warning.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Warning!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Avertissement!</b></td></tr></tbody></table></b><i>Follow all instructions carefully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Year must be securely attached to the
moorings provided (see December 2021 and January 2023).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Failure
to secure 2022 will nullify the enclosed warranty</i>.
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Before you begin:</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Prepare adequate workspace for assembly of 2022.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some components may expand to fill more than
the expected area.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal">Check contents:</p>
<p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Primary components: Nancy, Jay, Lizzy, Molly
(Note: Contents should include two high school sophomores.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These components are self-actualized under most
conditions).</li><li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Secondary components: Shiloh, Eddy, and Sinbad. (Note:
tagging and labeling secondary components is recommended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not use paint or Sharpie.)</li></ul><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;"><i>Supplementary and auxiliary
components (not included) will be needed for some steps.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Gather all necessary tools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You will need:</p>
<p></p><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Optimism (Phillips, flat-head, torx, and hex optimism
will all be needed).<br />
<br /><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Patience (use coarse, medium, and fine-grit
patience in order to ensure a smooth finish).<br />
<br /><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Sense of humor (gallon-size or larger).<br />
<br /><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Fortitude (heavy-duty C-clamps can be used in addition
to fortitude, as needed).<br />
<br /><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Love (Note: epoxy should not be used as a
replacement).<br />
<br /><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Reading glasses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 1: January. </b></p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMjLELW-jw9v5D2ZNpqLAuOoZfINXh31uSYjIJAZQjSmLiC6mMsS5fAuImDLjkGTWH5D3FAoRa15V2z3TehOE9VP_3aE9s_bPxMYkek8OJTyrivDT88IZ8C_BZFkIXxbzB7K-BcOSXScCrxKueidPcN0kOLDgc-27mWN0e1jlrNG9AjWF582W8D5C/s1518/Screenshot%202022-12-24%20at%2012-29-36%20Northern%20Climate%20Reports%20for%20Changing%20Arctic%20Ecosystems.png" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1518" data-original-width="1090" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMjLELW-jw9v5D2ZNpqLAuOoZfINXh31uSYjIJAZQjSmLiC6mMsS5fAuImDLjkGTWH5D3FAoRa15V2z3TehOE9VP_3aE9s_bPxMYkek8OJTyrivDT88IZ8C_BZFkIXxbzB7K-BcOSXScCrxKueidPcN0kOLDgc-27mWN0e1jlrNG9AjWF582W8D5C/w230-h320/Screenshot%202022-12-24%20at%2012-29-36%20Northern%20Climate%20Reports%20for%20Changing%20Arctic%20Ecosystems.png" width="230" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 1<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>
</p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Open 2022 carefully, being careful not to mislay
any small parts such as early-morning meetings, permission slips, dental
appointments, or emails from the director of your workplace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Contents may be cold and dark; this is
normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Be sure to avoid residual COVID. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>When in doubt, check your climate change models.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Figure 1. Note: csv files are now available.)<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Set aside travel plans; you will need these in later
steps.<br /><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 2: February. </b></p>
<p></p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Actually, you need those travel plans right
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Assemble them quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Insert your hand into another hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be frail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Hold gently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Keep holding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">e.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Hold until it’s time to let go. <br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">f.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Parts will be irretrievably broken during this
step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">g.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Oddly enough, although you will never be able to
persuade your heart that this is normal, this is normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">h.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Insert family, friendship, warmth, and memories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">i.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Repeat step 2h as necessary.<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 3: March. </b></p>
<p></p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Sort priorities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpU_lucBXXdre1oi-NiKQnh2huBB1-0iD3U40stpexcWrn1gSxOEPN-igciy1VD3SXCESR-0XM2Gg0Kk5a041S5aOmsXaCZwfIjqbQwF65egO1psoMf2i8PuXBiYLhL5ZfKpt1TKbf5u63Z2cSr0zArAlkbHA6FkOJRLv0ZOabY1D-nkQM6WW5Mn44/s3264/ice%20lakes%20snacks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="3264" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpU_lucBXXdre1oi-NiKQnh2huBB1-0iD3U40stpexcWrn1gSxOEPN-igciy1VD3SXCESR-0XM2Gg0Kk5a041S5aOmsXaCZwfIjqbQwF65egO1psoMf2i8PuXBiYLhL5ZfKpt1TKbf5u63Z2cSr0zArAlkbHA6FkOJRLv0ZOabY1D-nkQM6WW5Mn44/w320-h240/ice%20lakes%20snacks.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 2<br /></td></tr></tbody></table></span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Fold life back into schedule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Assemble all human and canine components, four
snow bikes, sleeping bags, clothing, assorted gear, and an enormous amount of
food (Figure 2).<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Circle White Mountains clockwise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not pedal continuously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be sure to enjoy.<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 4: April</b></p>
<p></p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Refer back to climate change models.<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Prepare supplementary bark beetle sub-model
(Note: results may be concerning).<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 5: May</b></p>
<p></p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Turn 50.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Note:
this type of turning should not be accomplished with screwdriver).<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>For components turning 16 rather than 50: commence
daily counts of hatchling swallows, apply AP exams, and finish school year. (Note:
natural finish is preferred to polyurethane).<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Check to see if all the snow has melted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>If results of step 5c are positive, go camping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">e.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>If results are negative, go camping anyhow.<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 6: June</b></p>
<p></p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>As applicable, continue counting beetles and/or swallows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-wSOJtSXCj7kyAzmvBYyyDF_saki2Unb22nfhgamE4O8RJBtPU38UwdiVJF8207Os_M9vl6_YH7wt0cN9hUW3u76H1FpJaI9lCh4LKtvTsAMU_9qe130Rpghq64fcJNTaCFDrSFU9r5vM6y7spBMngSrHtEOORgSg-pvllosTpi2FZufIa4ZpXhZt/s2066/baby%20Picea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2041" data-original-width="2066" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-wSOJtSXCj7kyAzmvBYyyDF_saki2Unb22nfhgamE4O8RJBtPU38UwdiVJF8207Os_M9vl6_YH7wt0cN9hUW3u76H1FpJaI9lCh4LKtvTsAMU_9qe130Rpghq64fcJNTaCFDrSFU9r5vM6y7spBMngSrHtEOORgSg-pvllosTpi2FZufIa4ZpXhZt/w200-h198/baby%20Picea.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 3<br /></td></tr></tbody></table></span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Add squirrel. (Figure 3)<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Find rock climber among components; set her
aside in Hatcher’s Pass for a week.<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Liberal application of Shakespeare will be
necessary in June and July.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sharpen
acting skills.<br />
<br /><b>Step 7: July</b><p>
</p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Firmly affix acting skills to wall (see Figure 4).<br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvNslskfL00cpVlBaX008KDplxj6_fIrwp35pm-aOMnU2rHTdoJbmzDV9OT1csvXPwyh1OpawzKXRt-JyvXoIClOpnvUi36tyMiBfsrbrozHs2UDtd09YIoVD4T7dyjVAxIr-sF19dDuNQpt4xZmsQUmoD4xrNKeP2NOFALwLFyph2zjAIivVkOUfm/s960/Wall%203.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvNslskfL00cpVlBaX008KDplxj6_fIrwp35pm-aOMnU2rHTdoJbmzDV9OT1csvXPwyh1OpawzKXRt-JyvXoIClOpnvUi36tyMiBfsrbrozHs2UDtd09YIoVD4T7dyjVAxIr-sF19dDuNQpt4xZmsQUmoD4xrNKeP2NOFALwLFyph2zjAIivVkOUfm/w150-h200/Wall%203.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 4<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Firmly affix walls. (Note – 7a and 7b are two
distinct tasks; only the latter should involve nails, hammers, and screw guns,
although both involve a certain amount of paint and suspension of disbelief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See Figure 5).<br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu1S754zrE3cCsuJKSyC6F30WvhMA_E5mBh2SOncZbI3stQjXUXi4VMhRYvwT4CVDwqfviFEd-fNGKkCMdIDjkJw_YkIdAxOJ_iHAlqMYRWe5bYJHITs0W_Mo2D9LGKGcJVLZQhldm-dWgE6mmcL04fI5iRAJej1bHL3LJiZphfin7WDMx94Ye6hkn/s1170/Wall%20building%20wall.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="877" data-original-width="1170" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu1S754zrE3cCsuJKSyC6F30WvhMA_E5mBh2SOncZbI3stQjXUXi4VMhRYvwT4CVDwqfviFEd-fNGKkCMdIDjkJw_YkIdAxOJ_iHAlqMYRWe5bYJHITs0W_Mo2D9LGKGcJVLZQhldm-dWgE6mmcL04fI5iRAJej1bHL3LJiZphfin7WDMx94Ye6hkn/w200-h150/Wall%20building%20wall.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 5<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>If cast as part of a teenage string trio of
fairy muses (Figure 6), sharpen viola-playing skills. (Note: This type of
casting does not involve cement). During this step, it’s also very important
not to slam your finger in a doo… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep playing.)<br /><br /><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 8: August</b></p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9_FEitFVORz1mnrpFaKM3YREyAMmmgDr21EV3rBGCmO2qWPdW-99dMomzOmvHpqCwDAJqQwaTwde_fCWXH1ZV1O1j-Gh74UlL7zcbU2MmqbChCOoA6emzKUvDt5cDEyDn-BzxlnSYnQdJqLyi4BhOFvd4tA-pgDGL-Vqi4YE_wOPcK1xqfc7QMJ71/s816/Molly%20Laurel%20Salak%20trio%20midsummer.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="816" data-original-width="640" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9_FEitFVORz1mnrpFaKM3YREyAMmmgDr21EV3rBGCmO2qWPdW-99dMomzOmvHpqCwDAJqQwaTwde_fCWXH1ZV1O1j-Gh74UlL7zcbU2MmqbChCOoA6emzKUvDt5cDEyDn-BzxlnSYnQdJqLyi4BhOFvd4tA-pgDGL-Vqi4YE_wOPcK1xqfc7QMJ71/w157-h200/Molly%20Laurel%20Salak%20trio%20midsummer.jpg" width="157" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 6<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>
</p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Insert two adults, three teenagers, two dogs, and
associated gear in truck. (Note: this step incorporates auxiliary component
V.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This may be a tight fit, but greasing
components is not recommended).<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Head for the hills. (Note: In this case, “hills”
are primarily the Wrangell Mountains, Figure 7)<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRgobHkSn8emIc9n6oVmRIzBvVbecaZpn82BYO0jf1fONZf3j5lSMNrrl7vV_wn4BD2xWt1tXnwGuF9Y6H1HO6YGdGnXQ457Ulfsqi__HTxsXs5kFkbSw6Ae1Xprzt77jOjNBMPEADj8tmLv0vpOcdelT3jmuAc1A9qI14Kry256nyzOX1H7LkaHZw/s3264/silhouettes%20near%20Soda%20Lake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="3264" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRgobHkSn8emIc9n6oVmRIzBvVbecaZpn82BYO0jf1fONZf3j5lSMNrrl7vV_wn4BD2xWt1tXnwGuF9Y6H1HO6YGdGnXQ457Ulfsqi__HTxsXs5kFkbSw6Ae1Xprzt77jOjNBMPEADj8tmLv0vpOcdelT3jmuAc1A9qI14Kry256nyzOX1H7LkaHZw/w200-h150/silhouettes%20near%20Soda%20Lake.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 7<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Update M & L components to 11<sup>th</sup>
grade mode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dust lightly with Calculus.
(Note: instructions also available in German and Russian).<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Sand, polish, and lightly varnish teaching
skills; apply to a batch of UAF students.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1sQ9j2NocI5II4BU1xAAZGAVV4WWQsPXTHrMYk7gSBGhFWCQrKriuYfCZcplQ-Qr2Nl5MQHJhznISmg7LVIcfQj3g7tQ9ENGahiUW6Oc6r7VMNI4pkhzOKx8t5xbRsIiTayDA6uhhvboUYPqGIdb0Oz9rZ2EgHNCAbRoKzrbd7gy6aGr_1bylX0qk/s1149/Molly%20and%20Picea%20(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1149" data-original-width="1149" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1sQ9j2NocI5II4BU1xAAZGAVV4WWQsPXTHrMYk7gSBGhFWCQrKriuYfCZcplQ-Qr2Nl5MQHJhznISmg7LVIcfQj3g7tQ9ENGahiUW6Oc6r7VMNI4pkhzOKx8t5xbRsIiTayDA6uhhvboUYPqGIdb0Oz9rZ2EgHNCAbRoKzrbd7gy6aGr_1bylX0qk/w200-h200/Molly%20and%20Picea%20(2).jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 8<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">e.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Adjust squirrel as needed (Figure 8)<br /><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 9: September</b></p>
<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhREK7T_X5-T957vCEQ80cZkZIGafHNqseYgl_xYEpROkBzkTnapkPRauPT1INfBeYuoPT2N0QU3BwgSPwkJLAG_Rn2Z2_NlLxD7J6fgTKdMiqSDWbFT3xnHOmLBAZc4vhTmN8yhClsR-6F29tUhKUtkCbSu1srIuq_ewSlpqi2CwHuOih96oiW-xh/s1388/Molly%20schooling%20show%20Newton.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="887" data-original-width="1388" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhREK7T_X5-T957vCEQ80cZkZIGafHNqseYgl_xYEpROkBzkTnapkPRauPT1INfBeYuoPT2N0QU3BwgSPwkJLAG_Rn2Z2_NlLxD7J6fgTKdMiqSDWbFT3xnHOmLBAZc4vhTmN8yhClsR-6F29tUhKUtkCbSu1srIuq_ewSlpqi2CwHuOih96oiW-xh/w320-h203/Molly%20schooling%20show%20Newton.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 9<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Measure 26.2 miles of trail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apply components N, L, and M (plus supplementary
component V from Step 8.<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Continue to calibrate large auxiliary components
(Figure 9)<br /> <br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Gently release squirrel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Loosening nuts may help. (Figure 10)<p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEAmlWljG1ilYttTc40aCjH5qhtGm43lS-Ie_GScjVBwy9bVpo73d9gYudB7kAZ5C_jHXoNJgUEOwV6RvtAAEDe0GKx7nRMZ7Roh9kbxk1L620MNa4K7MZJRE01xCC8VcA26D8U5maWMeZ4fpFUr7Daeawcuz9lPIMBnqlaee9K3S-Umn_GWdP_JBs/s2435/Picea%20playing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1903" data-original-width="2435" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEAmlWljG1ilYttTc40aCjH5qhtGm43lS-Ie_GScjVBwy9bVpo73d9gYudB7kAZ5C_jHXoNJgUEOwV6RvtAAEDe0GKx7nRMZ7Roh9kbxk1L620MNa4K7MZJRE01xCC8VcA26D8U5maWMeZ4fpFUr7Daeawcuz9lPIMBnqlaee9K3S-Umn_GWdP_JBs/w200-h156/Picea%20playing.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 10<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><b>Step 10: October</b><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Complete academic quarter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apply grades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Components will have a lustrous finish.<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Temporarily transfer all primary components and
several auxiliary components to Tolovana; immerse in hot water until softened.</p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 11: November</b></p>
<p></p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Recalibrate expectations by actually receiving
federal grant money. (Note: consult paperwork to determine what you said you’d
do).<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Suspend component L from wall (Note: this is
normal, but distinct from both step 7a and step 7b. – Figure 11<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibnNQTO2o5ae_doMD33klLHpCVz9dNoxuYSUVVuH1TsWio38vnrhqh0CPClCXJGJQwVe-FS4rTjA0kpKLvuMtyWyEFlC32QBlLVl75zJTDoNzntBjjoAaTBRoyg3YjS7MptrbgS8re47tApmOXbSQUin5WoPGE50rXNeFCtpdiSWGte3hwEMMzz9Uh/s3264/Lizzy%20climbing%205%2011%20red.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibnNQTO2o5ae_doMD33klLHpCVz9dNoxuYSUVVuH1TsWio38vnrhqh0CPClCXJGJQwVe-FS4rTjA0kpKLvuMtyWyEFlC32QBlLVl75zJTDoNzntBjjoAaTBRoyg3YjS7MptrbgS8re47tApmOXbSQUin5WoPGE50rXNeFCtpdiSWGte3hwEMMzz9Uh/w150-h200/Lizzy%20climbing%205%2011%20red.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Figure 11<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Step 12: December</b></p>
<p></p><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Add finishing touches to your 2022.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Prepare points for secure attachment to 2023.
(Note: failure to attach 2023 voids mail-in rebate).<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Repeat step 2h as necessary.<br />
<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Spread a thick layer of durable good cheer (high-gloss
or matte, as preferred).<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;"><i>Congratulations!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your 2022 is now complete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A wonderful holiday season and a happy new
year to all.</i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;"><i> </i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;"><i><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC3W2_Vtq6XJIutKoOpSk3RDz-wla15lgGZFFDodJU839A0xmjzTvRHdUB7OpZTdp9pRji0Rg2rP7QYjzU-bGxNCKxq_zZUsLHtM-wTHgomrIaddI89LXX9oAUrslK5asotdp72_X8JJ_cUoyf2ywvVk74Kqu1VLcs3Hu7ozkMqjtEoE8aE5J8ebaM/s742/holding%20hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="742" data-original-width="716" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC3W2_Vtq6XJIutKoOpSk3RDz-wla15lgGZFFDodJU839A0xmjzTvRHdUB7OpZTdp9pRji0Rg2rP7QYjzU-bGxNCKxq_zZUsLHtM-wTHgomrIaddI89LXX9oAUrslK5asotdp72_X8JJ_cUoyf2ywvVk74Kqu1VLcs3Hu7ozkMqjtEoE8aE5J8ebaM/w386-h400/holding%20hands.jpg" width="386" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't forget to hold hands.<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /> </i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i> </i></p>
<p></p><br />nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-56257055887547582292022-12-04T10:07:00.000-08:002022-12-04T10:07:09.088-08:00All the privileges, all the plumbing<p> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7a5-I4j0sdRyz22Za8WKtZ1OSAuIcrWzSQw8yzUag8rwZImIaJwjaM0NdvHLsKD-tPGWhowsiKJBB-meegiqYvjolSMEoGO158bHGROYCcaent9WUSteifmPOaH-IlKNvPa_Ic5tu4B09R5FCoJl1zxXAkcLeoRWpSj6voYeDAeJ9C6oqH3NT2jF/s500/magic%20school%20bus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="500" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7a5-I4j0sdRyz22Za8WKtZ1OSAuIcrWzSQw8yzUag8rwZImIaJwjaM0NdvHLsKD-tPGWhowsiKJBB-meegiqYvjolSMEoGO158bHGROYCcaent9WUSteifmPOaH-IlKNvPa_Ic5tu4B09R5FCoJl1zxXAkcLeoRWpSj6voYeDAeJ9C6oqH3NT2jF/s320/magic%20school%20bus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In honor of turning 50, I got a colonoscopy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I know -- everyone’s got that one friend who wants to tell
them about their medical procedures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t
worry, I’m not actually that friend*. What I do want to tell you about is
social injustice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yeah, everyone’s got that one friend, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m the quirky friend, so I’m going to
relate it to toilets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We don’t have one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In case the connection to commodes isn’t glaringly obvious:
in dutifully reading the six-page preparation guide provided to me by The
Medical Establishment, I found that it assumed that all patients have access to
a bathroom that they can commandeer comfortably and without interruption for at
least half a day.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I repeat, we don’t have one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have an outhouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Okay, that’s super-weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But at the
same time, it’s not weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About 7% of
Fairbanks North Star Borough residences are in this category – a small but not
insubstantial minority.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shouldn’t the
literature at least recognize this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Shouldn’t the literature at least recognize this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In registering
my own mild affront, I started thinking about everything else that is, so to
speak, not recognized in the literature -- not in the particular literature I
was dealing with, not in the literature for mammogram I also had and the
shingles vaccine I need to get because I’m now officially Sort of Oldish, and
not in the broader and more metaphorical Literature of Medical Assumptions.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s amazing how a tiny lack of privilege can highlight what
a boatload of privilege I DO have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
contemplating my outhouse, I started counting my advantages within a rigged
system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are a lot of them.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">First, I have health insurance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is huge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Second, my employer nags me about getting checkups, and
provides me with incentives to do so. This is annoying as hell, but even with
all that nagging, I still managed to procrastinate for six months, so… yeah.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Third, I am well educated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Like, way over-educated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a
PhD in biology, so I at least know how a colon works, assuming that I can
remember even 10% of what got me through the GREs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fourth, I have connectivity and information access.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have Google, and I also have 24-7 EBSCO access
to articles with improbably long titles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I’m in the right mood, I even read them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A primer: colonoscopies are not only useful
for screening and catching cancer early when it’s still treatable and
survivable; they also prevent cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Colon
cancer starts as precancerous polyps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Polyps are routinely removed during colonoscopies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boom, no cancer ten years later. Nice.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fifth, I have transportation and time: a working automobile
and a driver’s license, and a spouse with the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both have vacation time, flexible hours,
and the ability to work partially remotely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sixth, I have enough income and savings to not have to worry
about minor out-of-pocket expenses, deductables, fancy fluffy toilet paper,
whatever.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Many of these privileges were already on my mental radar,
but I’d never really added them up until I read through the multi-page prep
instructions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The assumptions are all
there: you can get to a pharmacy or a grocery store whenever you want, buy all
the necessary items, and get them home with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You understand exactly why going through all
this hassle is totally save-your-life worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You do not fear it, even though the document offers no FAQs to assuage potential
worries. You can take two whole days off work, during which you apparently do
nothing at all -- no childcare, no remote work, no chores. You can get to the
hospital or clinic, and you also have someone who can be there to pick you up,
because the paperwork insists upon no walking, no taxis, and no Ubers due to
the after-effects of sedation -- although it fails to mention that the sedation
itself is NOT mandatory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is a lot – financially, logistically, structurally,
educationally, emotionally, and socially.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is not a given, for a lot of Americans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Even a very brief session of #4 (All the Scientific
Articles) uncovers some harsh truths. People are dying, and they are doing so
in a manner that disproportionately affects racial minorities and anyone who is
poor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re dying because they are not
getting screened. Colonoscopy reduces the risk of death from colorectal cancer
by as much as 88%. The strongest correlations with lack of screening are lack
of high school diploma, income below the poverty line, and lack of health
insurance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gee, what a surprise.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There are quite a few academic papers that attempt to
unravel why this is the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of
them seem to conclude “it’s a lot of things”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See the list above.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a lot of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of privileges that a lot of people
don’t have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of reasons why people
might avoid doing something that not only sounds totally gross, embarrassing, scary,
and mystifying, but is also a massive financial and logistical hurdle.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And now, back to the toilets. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Toilets are obviously not the biggest factor, but I’m going
for Toilet Symbolism here – whereby toilets represent all the unanswered
questions and all the unacknowledged privilege, not just the assumption that
you can hog a bathroom for hour upon hour, presumably in your suburban home
with its 2.5 baths. Toilets underscore privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go take a moment to admire your
privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aaaaah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Back now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, as you might guess, outhouses in November in Fairbanks,
Alaska are not a reality that meshes very well with colonoscopies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m living this weird cabin-in-the-woods
lifestyle because I want to, not because I’ve been economically forced into
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As such, I got myself a hotel room
for one night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was luxurious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Luxurious” is probably not a word most people would use to
summarize their colonoscopy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there
you have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not everyone can afford bathroom-related
luxury -- or any of the aforementioned logistical, social, and informational
luxuries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, weird as it seems, our
society is set up such that colonoscopies are a luxury.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s one
more luxury that I almost overlooked: Advantage #7.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Due to the fact that so many of you, my
friends, are socioeconomically A-OK, we have the advantage of Social Support
Via Demystification.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, I
lied; for your own good, I am going to tell you about my colonoscopy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was… fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Non-stressful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The prep was a bit
tiresome and somewhat hungry, but not as much so as I expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly I was lolling on a comfy bed, typing
on my laptop as usual, and eating non-red lollipops.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This felt decadent, in a goofy little-kid
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The procedure?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slightly
humorous, and kinda fascinating, because I chose not to be anaesthetized (you
knew that was an option, right?), and there was a big viewing screen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cool! Cecum!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m a biologist, I have the sensibilities of a twelve-year-old, and I
enjoy Ms Frizzle and her Magic School Bus. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The results?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
doctor found, removed, and biopsied two sesame-seed-sized polyps. Serrated
sessile adenomas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Definitely not cancer –
yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those two tiny lurkers are gone
now, no longer a potential threat to my ten-years-from-now self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The future? Because of those pink dots, I get to do this all
again in five years, rather than the usual decade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And… that’s a privilege.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There you have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you’re part of my 1972 cohort or some even more archaic gang, be sure to take
advantage of the luxury available to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Appreciate it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, of course, in
the true spirit of Advantage #7, be sure to tell all and sundry about it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">*Yes I am. Obviously.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-239457845788495692022-11-10T09:44:00.000-08:002022-11-10T09:44:16.048-08:00Replenish the earth<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdPW_nPxpay57Su2BtvNr3h0lBQQFQEnj0-4MDCrMyN_1TNqrD96aFjrvtBc1J6fKjPUkLXPK0EpCHpYfAofx0apTqZfqqkatRzhi3F8Lx2eYC8S2uJnSxXeBanke4e2jrLb8Rv3pnrz0wzemy7E2D-h-5ZUQPKyi9QEJYEQHkaR5ah5eiISj6P2rZ/s330/330px-CSIRO_ScienceImage_11085_A_scanning_electron_micrograph_of_a_female_dust_mite.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="265" data-original-width="330" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdPW_nPxpay57Su2BtvNr3h0lBQQFQEnj0-4MDCrMyN_1TNqrD96aFjrvtBc1J6fKjPUkLXPK0EpCHpYfAofx0apTqZfqqkatRzhi3F8Lx2eYC8S2uJnSxXeBanke4e2jrLb8Rv3pnrz0wzemy7E2D-h-5ZUQPKyi9QEJYEQHkaR5ah5eiISj6P2rZ/s320/330px-CSIRO_ScienceImage_11085_A_scanning_electron_micrograph_of_a_female_dust_mite.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Female dust mite, Wikipedia</span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table> </p><p>There are mites in your eyebrows!<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">
Every so often I run across a meme, an ad, or a click-baity headline that reminds
me – dramatically, hyperbolically, photographically – that I live in a world
that is utterly saturated in creepy-crawlies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My couch is inhabited by hordes of pale, eyeless critters happily
munching on my dead skin cells!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
countertops are reproductively active!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
water is wiggling!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m supposed to be horrified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, I find myself comforted.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m a biologist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
of the time, I work in the field of climate change adaptation research, but I
also get a chance to teach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the
professor for “Natural Resource Measurement and Inventory”. I torture students with
data analysis, statistics, and experimental design.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Type one and type two error?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Correlations that mislead? Graphs that
lie?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like teaching that stuff; it
brings out the scientific hardass in me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I love it when we get to take a step back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Way back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I love it when we get to look at the Earth as a great big ball of green,
growing, oozing, pulsating, sticky, messy, many-legged life.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Having spent much of my adult life as one kind of
environmentalist or another (after having spent much of my childhood rescuing
ants and climbing trees), it’s easy to become depressed about just how much of
Earth’s life we humans are destroying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
numbers are staggering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The losses are
irreplaceable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Measuring by sheer mass
alone, we’ve already wiped out 85% of the planet’s wild mammals and birds, and replaced
them with ourselves and our livestock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Eighty-five percent.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">According to UN estimates, the human population of the earth
will reach eight billion people this week – on November 15<sup>th</sup>, 2022,
to be weirdly over-precise about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re
an infestation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the face of this
horror, I find it immensely relieving to know that at least we’re still vastly
outweighed by insects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We’re even more out-hefted by bacteria and fungi, including
our own microbiome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The person in the
mirror is a big sack of microbes; most of our own cells are not actually our
own cells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But those little beasts are
cooperating with humans, a shady alliance, so perhaps they are not entirely to
be trusted.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Plants outweigh us even more dramatically, but those guys –
from lowly single-celled algae to towering redwoods – are the producers, not
the consumers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re not in their league;
even if we humbly take a few steps down from the pinnacle of the food chain to
enjoy a nice vegan stir-fry, we’re not going to be any good at photosynthesizing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take immeasurable solace in the green
things, but it’s our hardy little competitors over here in the animal kingdom
that offer a different and more perverse cheer whenever they remind me that we
don’t really hold dominion over all the animals, regardless of whatever it is
the bible says we are supposed to do with arks and whatnot. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Holding dominion” is clearly not in humans’ skillset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are, seriously, sooooo bad at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The insects will do a better job.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">No one really knows how many insects, arachnids, and other crunchy-leggy
little contenders there are in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We don’t even have a clear sense of how many species there might be, let
alone how many individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But rough estimates
suggest that for each human, there are about forty metric tonnes of arthropods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Forty tonnes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They’re in your couch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They’re on your countertop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re
in your eyebrows!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank goodness.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-164667504048652012022-10-02T11:52:00.001-07:002022-11-06T16:49:10.873-08:00Totally Winning!<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_o7OLQZAElk5x-FO9pNv_HGbEbttVCU1RTWwqvFbjN_M_CezcrKQ5cSFBiGFVD4N4k3_-XwpRv_3bP2e8E0nXbJn5sSgPLYeeiAC194cL0u7JR2oyCVNgK19i7SssUXLy6VpoHhRhFXf_7Mu8sa3or8xoV8xZh28LrMJ3WHQ94vkfvM5hydoZz4Mm/s427/Nancy%20marathon%20finish%20(2).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="427" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_o7OLQZAElk5x-FO9pNv_HGbEbttVCU1RTWwqvFbjN_M_CezcrKQ5cSFBiGFVD4N4k3_-XwpRv_3bP2e8E0nXbJn5sSgPLYeeiAC194cL0u7JR2oyCVNgK19i7SssUXLy6VpoHhRhFXf_7Mu8sa3or8xoV8xZh28LrMJ3WHQ94vkfvM5hydoZz4Mm/s320/Nancy%20marathon%20finish%20(2).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Photo by Sarah Manriquez, Paris Photographics</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p><p class="MsoNormal">I won a medal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s an award for being oldish. And fast-ish. female-ish.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It says so right on the back: “1<sup>st</sup> Place 50-54
women”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the front it notes that the
event in which I was fastish, oldish, and female-ish was the 2022 Equinox
Marathon (adding, for an added dose of accurate-yet-arbitrariness, that a
marathon is 26 miles, 385 yards). </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Totally winning!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For all that humans are clearly way into “winning”, we’re
terrible at defining what it means, what is doesn’t mean – and whether it’s
okay to care.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As a little kid, I got used to losing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And losing again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This wasn’t because I’m a total loser – although, yeah – but because I
was the younger kid in a family that like to play challenging games such as
bridge, Facts in Five, and no-holds-barred croquet, and didn’t pull punches for
lame excuses such as “being six years old”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So I lost. In my impressionable little mind, the
significance of winning was rife with ambiguity. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Based on my primary role models, success was something
to be loudly celebrated, and also something to be downplayed to the point of
secrecy. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I can still picture the grinning flourish with which my dad
would play a 50-point-bonus bingo in Scrabble – ha, take that, third grade
opponent!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time his preferred
baseball team scored a run, he’d leap off the couch or out of his stadium seat
in a spontaneously dorky happy dance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At
the bowling alley, he’d hop and lean as his ball rolled, as if kinetically
controlling it from afar, brow furrowing deeply if it spun awry.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Conversely, my mom stressed that competitiveness was gauche.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I received my first standardized test results
at the age of eight, she allowed me to see them only after I made a reticently
British promise: “You mustn’t tell any of the other children your scores.” This
proved awkward, given that other kids had been given no such instructions; I
ended up feeling weird and ashamed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Outside my own family, the social rules were equally
confusing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kids cared about winning to
wildly varied degrees. I found that I usually won at games like Rack-o and
Mastermind, and lost badly at games that were clearly way cooler, like
dodgeball – where other kids’ competitiveness tended to leave me covered in
welts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, other families had very
different rules from my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
mystified when I realized little kids were often allowed to win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To me, this was cheating, and thus Not
Fair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being Not Fair was bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But… what is fairness?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This confused me as a child, which is not surprising, given that it
still confuses me – and possibly everyone else.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A pause from facetiousness: there’s a much bigger question
buried in here about societal fairness in all its forms, built from
multi-generational evil, greed, oppression, and arrogance. We humans theoretically
want to create fairness, but at the same time it’s clear that we don’t; history
demonstrates just how badly we’ve done. I can’t pretend that I’m doing justice
to such a big topic in a brief and flippant blog post, but at the same time, it
lurks beneath everything, and to ignore it is to perpetuate it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In an effort to create fairness, children’s sports and
academic challenges are usually divided by age or grade level. Most adult sports
are divided by gender, and some also have age categories – although in the
Iditarod, for example, the genders and ages of the musher and the canine athletes
are considered immaterial. Boxing and wrestling have weight classes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Adult cerebral competitions such as crossword
championships are not divided by age, gender, height, or weight, and there is
no Jeopardy category for people like me who seem kinda smart but are
irretrievably terrible at Jeopardy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Everyone would agree that a chess tournament in which
kindergarteners had to go head-to-head with Grandmasters would be…
uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But things get weird when
someone has to decide where the cutoffs should be, because all the pertinent variables
exist on a continuum -- youth, old age, weight, height, and (yes, newsflash)
gender.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, the expected “handicaps”
associated with youth, age, weight, height, gender, and other factors varies widely.
The basketball player with the greatest physical advantage doesn’t look much
like the ideal gymnast or jockey.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When one of my kids turned 13 and suddenly found that she
had to compete in the “adult” category at rock climbing competitions, the
boundary was abrupt and artificial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being
small for her age, she couldn’t reach many of the holds intended for people
over five feet tall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t
“fair”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, as she and I discussed, it
also wouldn’t have been “fair” if adult-sized 13-year-olds competed as
children. There was no perfectly “fair” solution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There never is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Life is not fair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Has
everyone had this conversation with every kid, everywhere? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some parent-child discussions of unfairness -- spawned by
racism, sexism, violence, and fear -- should never, ever have to occur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not the kind of unfairness that’s
inevitable; it’s the kind that’s insidious.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As for the inevitable kind – I now realize that both my
parents taught me that life is not fair, but in different ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mom’s perspective was that life wasn’t
fair, so I should chalk up any victories to that unfairness, and take no credit
for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, I should be vaguely
embarrassed by them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad’s perspective
was that life wasn’t fair, and thus I shouldn’t whine about the bowling ball
being too heavy when he beat me, his 45-pound opponent. “It’s a poor workman
who blames his tools,” he told me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Really, he did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As a teen, I continued to excel at academics but lose at
sports – unless you count garnering the third-place points in unpopular high
school track meet events (3000 meters, shot-put) in which only three girls
participated. The scattering of other times I’ve “placed” in sporting events
have all been equally suspect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
triathlon in which there were only three female participants?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A dawn to dusk winter solstice run at forty
below zero in which I was the only woman to keep trotting for all three hours
and forty-one minutes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">These “wins” felt like participation trophies – those “thanks
for showing up” prizes that didn’t become common until I was an adult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Curmudgeons waxed pompous about how such
awards would make an entire generation – the millennials – weak, lazy, and
coddled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every generation of old farts
says this about “young people today” and (I remind myself as I age into
old-fart-ness) each generation is wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Participation trophies were born out of a noble effort to remove
emphasis from crushing the opponent. They stemmed, albeit indirectly, from a growing
societal discomfort with the much larger win/lose unfairness that has poisoned
us across centuries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As such, I applaud
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they didn’t work out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even six-year-olds knew that participation
trophies didn’t convey pride of accomplishment – not because winning was
everything, but because some other metric was necessary to replace it, and “merely
existing” was not sufficient.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This shiny new marathon medal can easily be downgraded to “participation
trophy”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were only twelve people
in my narrow age/gender group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
were nine women in the older 55-59 group, and two of them beat my time – one by
a whopping 26 minutes. And the fastest women in the race, taking 8<sup>th</sup>
and 12<sup>th</sup> places overall, against all ages and genders, were two
42-year-old women. In other words, someone named Meg, only eight years younger
than me, beat me by more than an hour and half.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When Meg crossed the finish line, I was eight miles back, bumbling off
Ester Dome while eating a lint-covered cookie from my pocket.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is where my brain goes, when there is some hint that I
might have won something – I automatically figure out why the win is
meaningless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it a victory if other
people got sick?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Got hurt?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Went home?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Never showed up in the first place? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I learned this tactic from my mother, but this outlook is by
no means unique to her; .Jay holds even more firmly to this perspective than I
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He managed to be embarrassed and in
denial when he won the Iditarod Trail Invitational, a thousand-mile human-powered
race across the wintery wilderness of Alaska.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It's easier for me to argue against this mindset when it’s
put forth by others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, come on,
Jay!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Celebrate a little!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want my family and friends to feel joy,
pride, inspiration, thrill, and adventure when they succeed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I especially want this for my kids.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What I don’t want, though, is for them to fall into the trap
that limited my dad’s joy: wanting someone else to lose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was about twelve, Dad forbade me to
read the dictionary because he didn’t want me to improve my Scrabble game “unfairly”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Um… Dad? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being so dead-set on winning at a board game
that you want your own child not to learn, and to do badly is… not a good look
for a middle-aged man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Nor do I want anyone to fall into the trap that limited my
mom’s joy: being so socially averse to the pitfalls of the win-lose dynamic
that success can never be celebrated, or even noted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As a child, I managed to extract the worst aspects of each
parent’s viewpoint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I concluded that
neither parent was proud of me, and that I should not be proud of myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Totally winning!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As an adult – and particularly as a parent – I’m realizing
(a bit late) that I need to flip this upside down. I can reject my mom’s restraint
while embracing her fierce sense of equality and social justice. I can reject
my dad’s pettiness while embracing his joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I want this for my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want them to see their own privilege and advantages with absolute clarity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want them to try to create fairness
wherever it’s possible to do so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want
them to understand that “winning” doesn’t mean someone else is a “loser”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Success is not pie – or if it is, it’s the
kind of pie that you can bake more of, and share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we’re all competing, we’re ultimately
doing so not against one another, but against our past and present selves, and
our past and present aspirations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone
can increase their Scrabble score, reduce their marathon time, or learn to bake
a more delicious pie. I want my kids to seek out and celebrate other people’s
successes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also want to them to
celebrate their own successes – to grin the way my dad used to grin, and leap
off the couch to do a happy dance. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I want this for myself, too – because why not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My “victory” over other individuals who
happen to be my age and gender is silly and misleading, but my time in the crazy-hilly
Equinox Marathon was the fastest I’ve ever run, in my fourteen attempts over
the past twenty-one years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was faster
because I trained just a bit more, and tried just a bit harder, and sometimes even
remembered to stretch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I challenged
myself, and I felt good about that -- and maybe it’s okay to admit it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Totally winning!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I won a medal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
means something, and I appreciate that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It also means absolutely nothing – and I like that about it, too.</p>
<p></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-1191912292288804702022-09-04T09:10:00.000-07:002022-11-06T16:49:28.542-08:00The Random Cat Principle<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjRtuLrXXFY6vM3esZqCprNB4wd7qKhNi-u8A-ORT0cSAvzyC5k-ep3cMnLvA48on74hbdxw3dQ-nQGAhC9IqMaANf21eWV3NoSS6X9xQD2NQ7cS5T70MYgcnmK3UPm6lgvuanytUKPonsPBAXhhJTvpAJ28Fx1p2PNVCwNQia8_lfepDUp43LJz3R/s3264/sinbad%20cuddling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjRtuLrXXFY6vM3esZqCprNB4wd7qKhNi-u8A-ORT0cSAvzyC5k-ep3cMnLvA48on74hbdxw3dQ-nQGAhC9IqMaANf21eWV3NoSS6X9xQD2NQ7cS5T70MYgcnmK3UPm6lgvuanytUKPonsPBAXhhJTvpAJ28Fx1p2PNVCwNQia8_lfepDUp43LJz3R/s320/sinbad%20cuddling.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />Not long ago, a friend of mine sought advice on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should he adopt a promising-sounding young cat
that was listed at the local animal shelter?
<p class="MsoNormal">Go for it, his many kind-hearted friends advised him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Adopt the cat!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some of us – I’ll call us the advocates of the Random Cat
Principle -- went one step further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
that particular cat has already found a home, we advised, adopt whatever cat is
there -- any cat at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Random Cat Principle got me thinking -- and ultimately set
me to writing a blog post that is sneakily more about people than it is about
pets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But first, cats.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Four years ago, a few months after our beloved Pippin died
at the age of nineteen, the twins convinced us to head to the shelter as a
family to get another cat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’d
already picked out a name, Sinbad, based on a cat-character in a favorite
novel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it turned out, there was only
one cat at the Fairbanks North Star Borough Animal Shelter that morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, she became our cat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was the entire equation for the application
of the Random Cat Principle: here is a cat, she needs love, we want a cat to
love – therefore, she is Sinbad, and we love her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Four years later, that love has never fallen
into any doubt.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What’s interesting about this anecdote is not that it’s
unusual, but that it isn’t. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Love. Between one human and another, that word has a lot of
blurred-yet-weighty meanings that include not only enjoying and appreciating someone’s
particular qualities, but also genetics, guilt-trips, candlelit dinners, callipygian
tendencies, dependence, hero-worship, obsession, country songs, and cringy rom-coms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we talk about love as if it were an
emotion over which we have no control, as in “falling in love”. In other
contexts, it’s an emotion we assign based on objective merit, as in, “My friend
always brings pizza; I totally love him!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Loving a pet is easier to parse. I am not genetically related
to Sinbad, except in the sense that I am also genetically related to
chimpanzees, weevils, and bananas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
obligations are entirely chosen, and she (being a cat) feels none.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not worship her, and she (being a cat)
does not worship me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am happy to
report that our connection does not involve romance or lust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I appreciate many of Sinbad’s particular
qualities (she’s curious, fuzzy, and affectionate) and she seems to enjoy some
of mine (I’m playful, cuddly, and am willing to open and close doors a lot).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, it now seems to me that she is a
superlative cat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve found likeable
qualities in every cat I’ve ever lived with -- and every dog, and every orphaned
squirrel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My statistical heart knows that
this is not Lake Woebegone, where all the critters are above average.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see everything that is wonderful about
Sinbad because I love her, rather than the other way around.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">People are more complicated than cats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing wrong with that; I enjoy having
a brain that’s weightier than a AA battery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As such, we humans reserve the right to select our friends – people who are
intelligent, kind, generous, quick-witted, empathetic, supportive, funny,
creative, energetic, thoughtful, wise, or good at making vegetarian burritos. All
that choice is empowering, but it can also be confusing and worrisome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we love others for their desirable
qualities, are we merely being self-serving?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If others love us for our homologous paternal chromosomes, our excellent
knock-knock jokes, or our sculpted thighs, is that love transactional and
impermanent? Forced and coerced?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Random Cat Principle reassures us that love is something
we choose to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s something we undertake
and create. Yes, we often (but not always) choose whom to love in a non-random
way, but ultimately love is something we can build and rebuild, using magical
fairy dust made from time, neural connections, and free will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love is a superpower</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Superpowers don’t come cheap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a never-ending act of doing, creating, and
rebuilding, love is the most expensive undertaking of our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It comes with huge unavoidable risks. Sometimes
love is not reciprocated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it needs
to be ended, and sometimes it ends too soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To love someone – <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>even somecat --
is to set yourself up for work, frustration, disappointment, and devastation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We suffer and ruminate over our failures and
losses, but we rarely give ourselves enough credit for our successes, our
ability to discover and nourish the good in others, our astonishing acts of
creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We rarely give ourselves
credit for the quirky beauty of the Random Cat Principle.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My friend went to the shelter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The young cat he’d had in mind had already
been adopted by someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
different cat was there -- an older black cat of entirely unknown
qualities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A cat that needed a home.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My friend now has a cat, and the cat has him, and they love
one another.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-19751526374169235582022-06-16T23:30:00.000-07:002022-11-06T16:50:00.936-08:00Tough<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqQHymi4pscrRliN9THBVKcPTozg1FWb2-6YZ_4mVDnQaXQXLEiWqoSRVQCwCXk0LDwOm4Plm26pR4weLuTB93JBsuUWxSHqhK9HpWDm7K3Mal1D1ktonSTz00oYMdSNk2u-T-j-mV3seKB5S39CDQYdVkIp-GBLa5wOiSbC98fkI_R_N6R3t1DYUm/s807/Nancy%20age%203.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="807" data-original-width="550" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqQHymi4pscrRliN9THBVKcPTozg1FWb2-6YZ_4mVDnQaXQXLEiWqoSRVQCwCXk0LDwOm4Plm26pR4weLuTB93JBsuUWxSHqhK9HpWDm7K3Mal1D1ktonSTz00oYMdSNk2u-T-j-mV3seKB5S39CDQYdVkIp-GBLa5wOiSbC98fkI_R_N6R3t1DYUm/s320/Nancy%20age%203.jpg" width="218" /></a></div><br /><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are afraid to ask to have your needs met because you fear the
pain of an unanswered request more than the pain of an unmet need.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I read this meme with a stab of recognition.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then, immediately, I rebelled. <i>That’s too
simplistic! </i></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Memes are irksome like that. Mostly, I ignore them. But this
one kept rattling around in my head, offering itself up for addenda:</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are afraid to ask to have your needs met because having needs,
and admitting to them, undermines your fierce self-reliance.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fierce self-reliance is like a liferaft: crucial, and at the same
time flimsy as hell in a stormy ocean. The trick is finding the right
balance.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As a child, I was beloved, well cared for – and remarkably bad at
finding that balance. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I remember being three more clearly than most people do. I
remember being told, “You are too big to be picked up”. I was
devastated. But I didn’t cry. I just… stopped asking. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I got an infection in one finger. It hurt. I hid it. When my sister finally spotted it, it
had gotten so bad that it required surgical lancing and a full course of
antibiotics. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I woke in the night sweating and covered in my own vomit – but did
not run to my parents, or call out. I rolled around, trying to find a
cool, dry spot. As you can imagine, this did not improve the situation.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Clearly, I was a maladaptive preschooler – and yet… there was also
a flip side:</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I was three I learned to read. I could do it, all by
myself. I stood on a stool to reach the counter, and I helped. I
hiked five miles on my very short legs. When I was three I was a person, a
spirit to be contended with, and my pride was a glowing ember.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are afraid to ask to have your needs met because having needs
is shameful, and that shame makes the act of asking seem pathetic, less-than,
unworthy, annoying, demanding, needy, indebted, dependent.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I was six I remember being told, “You are too old for
laps”. I did not climb up again. And I did not ask for a nightlight, or a
crack in the door, not ever. And I tried to hide my vivid and motley collection of fears – of tree
fungus, of dogs, of the White Witch of Narnia – and my
nightmares about the monsters. They lived in the basement, behind the dollhouse. If I wasn't completely silent, they would hunt me down. When I was six I curled around a cloth doll in the pitch darkness,
hands over my ears, and mistook the thudding of my own heart for the ominous tread of monster feet.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yes… but also…</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I was six I read books hundreds of pages long, learned to
play bridge, did multiplication problems, and walked to the store all by
myself, crossing two roads and reaching up to drop a sweaty handful of loose
change on the counter. I was very sure my mother would love to receive an ice
cream scoop – the kind with a tiny cogwheel and fascinating gears connected to
the lever on the handle – for her birthday. And she did. Of course
she did. When I was six I felt ten feet tall.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are afraid to ask to have your needs met because a need met
grudgingly is even more agonizing than a refusal, and you aren’t sure whether
you’ll be able to detect whether the act is grudging, but you’ll always fear it
is, because if it is not grudging, why was it not performed freely, willingly,
without asking? </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I was nine and heard “You don’t need me to say good night anymore,
do you?” I said no, no, of course I don’t. There was a key hanging around my
neck on a piece of string, and after school I proudly let myself into an empty
house, and made my own snack, and did my own homework. And when I was
eleven I had a paper route and a bike with wide wire baskets and pockets full
of crumpled bills, and my first babysitting gig. And when I was fifteen I
had my first real job, the kind with paycheck and IRS involvement. After work,
I walked home alone up the hill in the dark, in rain, in snow, a hundred times,
despite my parents’ offers to come and get me. In years prior, when it had been
my big sister who needed picking up, I’d seen them groan and bicker over who
had to get out of a comfy armchair and miss the first ten minutes of
Masterpiece Theater. So I walked. That walk made me feel sad and
exhausted and alone, and yet it also made me feel strong and independent and free.
Both. At once. And even now, it’s impossible to untangle: should I
have walked, or asked? Asked, or walked?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are afraid to ask to have your needs met because there are
only two reasons you can think of why the act was not performed freely, willingly,
and without asking, and one of them is “I didn’t want to” which your heart
interprets as “You don’t deserve this” and the other is “I didn’t notice, I
didn’t think about it”, which your heart interprets as “You are not worth not
being seen, not worth being known, not worth the time and thought and energy of
seeing and knowing.”</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I turned sixteen and heard “You don’t want a party or
anything, do you?” I laughed and said no, of course not. And it was both a lie
and the truth.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was surrounded by loving, caring people. Clearly, I was a
maladaptive teenager. And yet…<br />
<br />
Also when I was sixteen I woke up early on a Saturday and slipped out of the
house and walked the two miles to school to take the PSAT, even though someone
would have driven me if I’d asked. And maybe if I’d asked, someone would
have reminded me that it might be a good idea to take along a number two
pencil, a notion that didn’t occur to me until I was trudging up the final
hill. <i>There will be a lost pencil in the parking lot. I’ll find
one.</i> And I did. I took a three hour exam with half a pencil
that had been run over in the bus lane. My score on that test earned me a
National Merit Scholarship and a Byrd Scholarship – thousands of dollars handed
over without question to kid who wasn’t smart enough to bring a pencil and
wasn’t brave enough to borrow one. I’m still not sure whether I’m proud
or ashamed. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are afraid to ask to have your needs met because if the need
is subtle, personal and contextual, your question might be answered, “What, am
I supposed to read minds?” and your heart would whisper yes. Yes, you
should. That is what I want. The knowing, the noticing, the
particularity, the seeing that includes context and empathy. See me! Know
me! But that shout is as silent as the whisper. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fierce self-reliance is like a liferaft. I would no more
want to raise my kids without a vein of self-reliance than I would want them to
launch them on the Titanic. I want my kids to have it, always – but I don’t
want them to have<i> just</i> it, and nothing else, in a roiling sea.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There’s a balance. It’s out there somewhere. But as I
morphed from child to adult, I still hadn’t found it.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I was eighteen and nineteen and twenty my heart broke quietly
– again, and again, and again. Maybe that’s always the case. Maybe no one
can find that balance. Maybe all the hearts break, everywhere.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I heard from female friends, “You don’t mind if I date that guy
you’re friends with, do you?” And I said – each time, because there were several
times – “Of course not, I think he likes you”. And I heard from male friends,
“Hey, can I ask your advice about women?” I did not say, “You are beautiful,
and your questions will destroy me.” I said – each time, because there were
several times – “Sure, glad to help.”</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And I still can’t tell whether I’m proud, or saddened. I
can’t untangle it.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don’t know how to be different. I don’t know how to advise
someone who has a heart like mine and fears like mine – silent, smiling fears
full of nonchalant laughter. I don’t know how to change the course of a
waterfall of crushing logic except to say that your joy is my joy – truly,
ungrudgingly. Except to say that I long to nourish your joy – truly,
ungrudgingly. Except to say I know. I know. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know you will not ask. Even if I say, <i>Ask! Ask!</i> you
will not ask – because, because, because. <i>Because you fear the pain of an
unanswered request more than the pain of an unmet need.</i> Yes, that meme, and
so much more. Because of who you are, and who I am – and perhaps who we
all are.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I will try. I will remember. I see you. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<![endif]-->nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-56714384189288310772022-06-11T15:06:00.000-07:002022-11-06T16:50:22.989-08:00One for the Ages<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4FRjhtAPFcGEl3fUTbsBPBdPJk0AVzBwPgU8YvbAmN3IixVj06axa7xjt7FBxiTfvqkp8KxwQjeXVZdOmrSOvzoCEZI9XsKL4iqI1JpQBw4-Lx8xdd7cJr3FniKWRZbqk-MIUckSqljcGegGR0q7RE1LxiiqxBBj-DEF2HSLXrEmjtYlCBEbi-94R/s1817/Age%2050.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1179" data-original-width="1817" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4FRjhtAPFcGEl3fUTbsBPBdPJk0AVzBwPgU8YvbAmN3IixVj06axa7xjt7FBxiTfvqkp8KxwQjeXVZdOmrSOvzoCEZI9XsKL4iqI1JpQBw4-Lx8xdd7cJr3FniKWRZbqk-MIUckSqljcGegGR0q7RE1LxiiqxBBj-DEF2HSLXrEmjtYlCBEbi-94R/w400-h260/Age%2050.jpg" width="400" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4FRjhtAPFcGEl3fUTbsBPBdPJk0AVzBwPgU8YvbAmN3IixVj06axa7xjt7FBxiTfvqkp8KxwQjeXVZdOmrSOvzoCEZI9XsKL4iqI1JpQBw4-Lx8xdd7cJr3FniKWRZbqk-MIUckSqljcGegGR0q7RE1LxiiqxBBj-DEF2HSLXrEmjtYlCBEbi-94R/s1817/Age%2050.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</a><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fun math fact: if you give birth to all of your children – twin
daughters -- in the same month that you turn 34, you will turn 50 in the same
month that they reach 16. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve been watching as,
one by one, my age-cohort reaches the half-century mark – and as a cohort of
our kids morphs into adults. Reactions have been mixed: trepidation,
celebration, resignation, disinterest. Is age purely continuous, a linear
function? Or do we reach discrete, transformative landmarks? And if there
are waypoints, are they like Rivendell? Hogsmeade? The Cliffs of
Insanity? I’m fascinated by the math and the mythos of aging. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In old-school fairytales
– the creepy ones that Disney revamped to be still creepy but in a different
way – at age 16 girls become fair maidens, and at age 50 women become crones.
Neither transition seems advantageous. The maiden is defined by her
beauty, and not much else. She is perpetually at risk of being
imprisoned, married off, or bewitched. The crone is defined by her lack
of beauty – and possible lack of morals. She may be wise and powerful,
but she tends to lose her mind and start talking to mirrors and doing
weird things with breadcrumbs and apples and spindles. Mirror, mirror, on the
wall, if your skin-deep charms are usurped by the next generation, then you are
nothing – or a witch. <i>I'll choose witch, thanks. </i></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Luckily, in our animated
movies and our reality, the options seem to be expanding.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Teenagers, I’d argue,
are all the archetypes rolled into one: the sweet innocence of the maiden, the
loveliness of the prince, the awkwardness of the beast, and the fierce
power of the warrior. They are adorable, brilliant, loving, and fearsome.
They always have been. But this generation, I think, is better poised
than mine was to embrace that oxymoronic complexity. Roles and
transformations can be chosen. Anyone can be the hero of the story. He,
she, or they might slay the dragon – or tame it, or befriend it – with or
without magical kisses. With or without frogs.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Meanwhile, those of us
born in Gen X are teaching ourselves – and learning from the bravest of those
who came before us – to be less reticent and coy about aging. We’re also
learning from our children; every generation does so, and every generation is
grouchy and graceless about it. These days, fifty-year olds have thriving
careers and fascinating hobbies. They are donning running shorts or
snorkels or tap shoes. They’re letting their hair turn gray, or they’re
dying it purple and green, or shaving off one side of it. We are not
hiding or lying – about ourselves, or our ages. Those who are stepmothers are
not presumed evil. The crone can also be a tested warrior or a respected
sage. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfTdqmiRJ-YbbMtpFmEEw9Sy4ilW54cQL8H0HWfWqtzVkOsT56yR_8P-6jG-P-CntjJ8sABGI4R_Sg2Yef0XzUMEX6Afdb5SB1D4O1dlx0BE6nHwvuoOj63TEHpGf6jvt5jja6n0rKffieVassLB-F7qnXepyimiIO9Z_eDhxiVP0x96VsyyTeiI81/s450/sphere.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="436" data-original-width="450" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfTdqmiRJ-YbbMtpFmEEw9Sy4ilW54cQL8H0HWfWqtzVkOsT56yR_8P-6jG-P-CntjJ8sABGI4R_Sg2Yef0XzUMEX6Afdb5SB1D4O1dlx0BE6nHwvuoOj63TEHpGf6jvt5jja6n0rKffieVassLB-F7qnXepyimiIO9Z_eDhxiVP0x96VsyyTeiI81/w200-h194/sphere.png" width="200" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If my newly fledged
sixteen-year-olds and I are bewitched, it’s less mythological than it is
mathematical. One of them remarked recently that “The geometry of
calculus is just so beautiful.” The volume of a sphere, she reminded me, can be
calculated as a continuous sum of vanishingly thin surface layers. The
other twin finds beauty in the precision of pencil lines, molded forms, seams,
structures, lyrics. Chords are constructed of sound waves with precisely
intersecting frequencies and peaks – least common denominators of harmony
amidst dissonance.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq-ViF7SuSV1uZY__yqljYLCfSIZOQSaem8KeTCA3KatcPdI2NrKJ3zqFnxLP3g-odLfZcoGUplTDi9AOYIUfgFXjNXhcxOdRXWrC8yK5QrRfAXfYaOtLEmjD_3D3uVdrH8HBXC27virKua3kszXSq828bVciCk-30AFDZvaiwE1r2gDcS4j7vrba5/s430/sound%20waves.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="430" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq-ViF7SuSV1uZY__yqljYLCfSIZOQSaem8KeTCA3KatcPdI2NrKJ3zqFnxLP3g-odLfZcoGUplTDi9AOYIUfgFXjNXhcxOdRXWrC8yK5QrRfAXfYaOtLEmjD_3D3uVdrH8HBXC27virKua3kszXSq828bVciCk-30AFDZvaiwE1r2gDcS4j7vrba5/w200-h130/sound%20waves.webp" width="200" /></a></div>If math lets us
celebrate the precision of harmonious intervals as well as the fluidity of
continuous sums, perhaps we can recognize both in our lives, too. We grow
and transform. We cross thresholds – sometimes imperceptibly, sometimes
in a rush of music. Each moment in time creates its own distinct
resonances. And yet, there is no discrete time in which we are wholly
maiden, prince, warrior, hero, crone, or sage. Who we are at any ephemeral
moment – our surface – is always the derivative of our solid reality, our
lifelong volume, our whole. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in 6pt; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We change, and the
passage of time is beyond our control.. But if we’re turning into witches, at
the very least we can choose to be good witches.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt; text-align: left;"> </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div></div><p></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-78996418244352497492022-05-08T22:59:00.004-07:002022-11-06T16:50:47.949-08:00". . . these mortals be."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMskJ13Hexg0v82V4ZoNv2URbv_GxerTDoGzeQORUQNW8_3OJmzCx4sgd4bMG91ozPpGW7HagiBluq9rkZ8wVYajf3VSm8bOeDI0FFKKHiU9BkgdqVYY8LAerKahLWa2NN9Cz1MT9_l-TaOcD6DaKYuCiHzSxMw6u0xlOWWXf59eST7ZzTgvk4t3hO/s1710/img636.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="1710" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMskJ13Hexg0v82V4ZoNv2URbv_GxerTDoGzeQORUQNW8_3OJmzCx4sgd4bMG91ozPpGW7HagiBluq9rkZ8wVYajf3VSm8bOeDI0FFKKHiU9BkgdqVYY8LAerKahLWa2NN9Cz1MT9_l-TaOcD6DaKYuCiHzSxMw6u0xlOWWXf59eST7ZzTgvk4t3hO/s320/img636.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">This is my first Mother’s Day since Mom died in February. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That sounds like the start for something maudlin, but it isn’t;
Mom didn’t even like Mother’s Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or,
to be more specific, she said the second Sunday in May was a silly Hallmark
holiday, manufactured by sellers of cards and flowers. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Do I agree? What does it mean, exactly, to celebrate mothers?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This feels like an especially pressing question these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But even if we assume that the form of
motherhood we’re celebrating is voluntary, rather than the product some kind of
Handmaid’s Tale dystopia that would have utterly horrified my mother… I still
have questions.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Are we setting up motherhood as an ideal of womanhood?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ll assume no, because… ick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I even need to explain, on behalf of those
women who cannot or choose not to be mothers, why this is vile?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I need to mention all the kids lovingly
raised by single dads, two dads, grandparents, or other types of families?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moving on…</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Are we celebrating a purified and perfect ideal of
motherhood – ever-patient, ever-kind, ever-baking-apple-pies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Again, ugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mythicizing
mothers makes it hard to be one, and hard to mourn one. It leaves all of us
actual human living breathing imperfect mothers with feelings of guilt, inadequacy,
and boxed-in-stereotyped frustration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is… maybe not a positive theme for a holiday. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps the holiday is not intended to mythicize, but merely
to express our debt to moms, imperfect as they may be, for the monumental work and
sacrifice associated with motherhood?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But repaying
mom with a plate of waffles seems… laughably inadequate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More to the point, it seems off-kilter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Parenthood isn’t a debt that can be
repaid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such an effort would be Sisyphean,
impossible, ludicrous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Expecting it
would be warped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want repayment
from my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother did not expect
repayment from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Arguably, though, it still makes sense to say thanks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mothers should not be taken for granted,
right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now we’re getting somewhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And yet… at the time in all our lives when our parents’ work was
non-stop, exhausting, and downright gross, we needed to take everything for
granted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An infant shouldn’t feel guilty
about hogging all that breastmilk, a toddler is incapable of fully
understanding that Mommy didn’t want to be puked on, and even a ten-year-old
needs to feel that bandaging that oozing scraped knee is something a parent
wants to do, lovingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No judgement, no
payment, no running tab.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being taken for
granted is a crucial part of parental territory.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What about later, though?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Well, yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As kids
reach the teen and adult years, they should gain empathy and perspective, to
avoid becoming narcissists and sociopathic monsters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But once we’re mature enough to understand where,
when and why a “thank you” is merited, we begin to realize that – in the case
of our parents -- there is no “thank you” that will suffice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uncomfortable, maybe, but true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is not, and never can be, anyone on
Earth who loved me the way my parents did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have a great husband, two wonderful kids, a fabulous sister and some stellar
friends; I’m not isolated and I’m not complaining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just how things work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It goes the other way, too; I love my own
kids more than they will ever be able to love me in return – not because their
love for me is inadequate or stunted, but because mine for them is so inexpressibly
vast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But can’t we still use the day as a reminder to celebrate our
mothers?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Well, yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course
we can celebrate our mothers – not motherhood, not conceptual beings crafted
from a monolithic ideal, not Mother the Wise Woman, Mother the Caretaker,
Mother the Earth Goddess, or Mother the Embodiment of Sacrifice -- but specific
real people that you know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the nuclear family of my childhood, we celebrated everyone’s
birthdays with enthusiasm, as celebrations of an individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All four of our birthdays occurred during the
prettiest seven weeks of spring, rendering additional celebration seasonally redundant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for those whose birthdays are in November
or February or August, Mother’s Day seems like a reasonable excuse for,
essentially, a second birthday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m not qualified to define the “right” way to celebrate
Mother’s Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It depends on who your mom
is, or was, or might one day become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
I do know that for me – and perhaps for most people -- feeling loved is closely
linked to feeling known, feeling seen, feeling accepted and appreciated with
all my flaws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, the core question: who
was or is your mom?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If she’s gone – or fading, as my mother did in her last few
years – perhaps one way to celebrate her is to teach something that she taught
you to someone younger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pass on a story,
an off-color joke, an amusing habit, a bad-ass skill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If your mother is still with you, maybe
celebration means deepening that knowledge, that connection, that seen-ness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask her what she’d most like to do, and where
she’d most like to travel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Email her to
ask her opinions about something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What book
would she like to read?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check it out
from the library for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would she
laugh at?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Text it to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is she training for a 5k?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cheer her on. By all means give her flowers
if she likes flowers, but give her video games or a new cordless drill or a
bottle of whiskey if she’d like that better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Celebrate your quirky, flawed, hilarious, complicated, imperfect, very-much-human
mother -- not by putting her on a pedestal, but by knowing her.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My mother didn’t care about Mother’s Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That hasn’t stopped me from thinking about
her today, because I think about her every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also thought of her a lot on April 23<sup>rd</sup>, her birthday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So too, it seems, did her childhood friend
Angela.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the 24<sup>th</sup> I
received an email from England:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“I was thinking of Janet yesterday.....her birthday which,
when we were ten, she informed me was the same as Shakespeare's.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I recall my mother reminiscing about all the male roles she
played – petite physique and waist-length pigtails notwithstanding -- in
Shakespearean productions at her all-girls British school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yesterday, I auditioned for this summer’s outdoor performance
of A Midsummer Night’s Dream with Fairbanks Shakespeare Theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today, I got a call letting me know that I
snagged a (small, comic) male role.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll
also pitch in with carpentry, costume-sewing, and flower-planting for the set.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned all those things from her, too.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There’s no Hallmark card that could capture my mother, on
the second Sunday in May or any other day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m glad she knew
that, too. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">All the same, happy Mother’s Day.</p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-72747904851393438042022-02-24T11:44:00.000-08:002022-11-06T16:51:05.604-08:00Words, words, words<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgZFpB71HN-KZ33Px5E_5VjDvnoS6UL1ZX6XWgckqs8B5DDy_TjDDdtzi7tg_EurzPcP5uZYQWN_BQFwfEKqUg7omwW4GliAavxGNYZQpVKDzyn_odW5a-v4D-mrSbSZGY4P-R7lfN4Vfr8B9n-EwlKI1V4PO5BEh0aSG7FGnfWOC4Oz5FaiDOYTela=s786" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="786" data-original-width="525" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgZFpB71HN-KZ33Px5E_5VjDvnoS6UL1ZX6XWgckqs8B5DDy_TjDDdtzi7tg_EurzPcP5uZYQWN_BQFwfEKqUg7omwW4GliAavxGNYZQpVKDzyn_odW5a-v4D-mrSbSZGY4P-R7lfN4Vfr8B9n-EwlKI1V4PO5BEh0aSG7FGnfWOC4Oz5FaiDOYTela=s320" width="214" /></a></div><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">How does one summarize a life? Places traveled, words
spoken, tasks completed, people touched?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What is the sum of thirty thousand, two hundred and fifty-six days?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Many people knew Janet Fresco as the head clerk at a public
library in a mid-size suburban town – the library lady with the practical
skirts and cardigans, the bun, the friendly laugh, and the soft British
accent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They knew her as a woman in
motion – a busy wife and mother of two, and later a grandmother of four.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They knew her as a walker, striding along the
sidewalks or trails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They might have
known that she sewed all those practical skirts herself, knitted the sweaters, grew
a garden, and turned her capable hands to carpentry to build more shelves for
all those books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They might not have known that she spoke French and Turkish,
and worked encrypting and decrypting encoded diplomatic mail for the British
embassy in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, during the tumultuous rise of the Khmer Rouge
in the 1960s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My mother was a more complex and interesting person than I
knew or understood when I was a kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
then, isn’t that always the case?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mom (ahem, Mum) – Janet Malyon -- was born in southern
England in April 1939, four months before Germany invaded Poland and Britain entered
the Second World War.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her earliest
memories were a blend of warm family harmony -- her loving parents, big brother
John, and friends Margaret and Angela – and the daily realities of
wartime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She remembered hearing the unmanned
bombers and the air-raid sirens; hiding under the table and in bomb shelters; collecting
interesting shrapnel from downed planes; carrying a gas mask and counting
ration coupons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her father, an engineer,
worked on the frenzied and crucial race to develop effective radar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her mother planted a garden large enough to be
a farm, raised chickens in their suburban yard, and traded birds with the
neighbors to avoid trauma when it came time to eat them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids collected rosehips for the vitamin
C.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The war ended when Mom was six, but
food was rationed in Britain until she was 15.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My mother was someone who understood that Nazis have to be
fought; knew the value of peace; and didn’t like waste.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mom loved books from the time she was tiny, and ambitiously
started writing her own when she was nine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She easily passed the “eleven plus” exam and went on to the academic
grammar school in Tunbridge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
excelled there, passing a heap of A-level exams, but when the time came to
choose her path forward, university held little appeal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her only educated female role models were
unmarried teachers and nurses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world
as she knew it had not yet grown to include women with education, careers, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> families.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world as she knew it boxed her in.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Plenty of people who knew Mom in later years assumed that
she was a librarian, because she was so erudite, intellectual, and well-read,
someone who not only worked with books, but loved them, too – not just Shakespeare
and Dickens and Austen, but a full range from pot-boilers and romances to new
classics and old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But she never went to
college; she had no library degree.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Instead, Mom took a secretarial course, learned to type and
take shorthand at a blistering pace, and worked in London for a short
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But her feet itched for adventure,
so at 19 or 20 she took a job with Nestle in Switzerland, perfecting her French
and doing a bit of light Alpine hiking on the side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Around this time, her father suffered a very
early heart attack, and died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t
talk about him often, but she missed him for the rest of her life.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After this taste of adventure, Mom launched herself further,
signing on as a secretary for the British Foreign Service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s how she ended up in Cambodia when she
was still in her early twenties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
served there for three years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
Vietnam War was raging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The entire
region was unstable. When the embassy was attacked, she and the head diplomat
were briefly the only ones who stayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Back in London at last, Mom briefly worked for the local
embassy offices on a collaborative project with the French – an agreement that,
years later, resulted in the construction of the Channel Tunnel.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mom was next offered a posting to a tiny consulate somewhere
in Africa – Angola, was it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She turned
it down on the grounds that she wanted a larger city and a busier social
scene.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom wanted to go to parties with
compatriots, to meet people, to dance. She had, after all, given up on the idea
of university because she wanted to marry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She wanted a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, now in
her mid-twenties, she was practically an old maid by the standards of the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was sent to a slightly larger
consulate in Turkey instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She worked
there for three years.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Four days short of turning 28, Mom met an American diplomat
named Bob Fresco.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was his 25<sup>th</sup>
birthday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A year later, they married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom was required to give up her career
immediately, due to some combination of sexism and fears of inter-embassy
espionage (I prefer to contemplate the latter).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She did so. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A year after that, still
in Turkey, my sister Sarah was born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I always thought Sarah’s birthplace was much cooler than
mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time I came along three
years later, my family was in Ohio, where my dad was working for the Cincinnati
Enquirer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A year later, he got a job
with Long Island Newsday, and we all settled in Huntington, NY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mom didn’t officially have a job during those early years of
motherhood, but she was never <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She sewed most of her own
clothes, and Sarah’s, and mine – using her own invented patterns and an old hand-crank
machine that had followed her around the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She sold hand-made children’s clothes on consignment to a small boutique
in town. She did everything on foot, piling groceries around me in the
stroller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She took her children to the
public library so often that by the time I was four, she was recruited: “When
Nancy starts kindergarten, would you like a job?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, she would.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mom’s accent shifted, gradually, as the years passed, but
she was always branded as British. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
laughed about the assumptions that this burdened her with – positive
stereotypes, but genteel ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
laughed about the fact that most Americans couldn’t differentiate a cultured BBC
British accent from Cockney or Yorkshire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She was condemned to being always very slightly foreign in a country
that she ultimately made her own, although part of her heart was always in
England.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She kept her green card for
decades, and when she at last became a US citizen, it was not without
regrets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had seen enough of the
world to know how swaggering and ignorant America can seem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the same time, she loved America’s
egalitarian ideals and generous landscapes.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">No matter their nationality, Mom loved people – her family,
her friends, her coworkers and all those library patrons, even when they were
at their most maddening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She could see
through the differences, the trappings, the posturing, the biases, and the
snobberies, and accept people for who they were. Most of all, Mom loved
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even as an old woman, she’d
drop to the floor to play with Duplos or invent a magic carpet ride for any
three-year-old who needed entertaining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While part of me is saddened by the thought that Mom gave up
many potential opportunities to become a parent and grandparent, I know that
she wouldn’t have altered those choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My own existence wasn’t the terminus of adventure; it was, for her, an
adventure of its own.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s impossible to enumerate everything that Mom shared,
gave, and passed on to everyone she touched in this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are people she knew whose names I’ve
never heard, or can’t recall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her legacy
can’t be measured in stacks of old letters, hand-written stories, photos, or
the quilts on her grandchildren’s beds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I wish Mom hadn’t started to decline mentally six or seven years
ago, and that prior to that she wasn’t burdened with caring for Dad during his
decline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish they’d both had the
chance to travel in retirement, as they always wanted to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish my kids had had the chance to know Mom
better, into their big-kid years and adulthood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wish she were still as she once was, and still with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I find joy in all the ways in which Mom’s
life is inextricably woven into who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We all see ourselves, as we age, becoming our own parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, this can be unnerving – but it’s also
comforting.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mom’s literary selections litter my over-burdened hand-built
bookshelves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our family’s choices for
reading aloud – still going strong even in the teen years – have included so
many of her favorites (ahem, favourites).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The twins fell in love with the Swallows and Amazons stories early on,
and have reread Mom’s battered copies of these 1930s British adventures perhaps
even more times than I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our current
bedtime story is The Sand Reckoner by Gillian Bradshaw, a novel about young
Archimedes of Syracuse, which I read myself years ago, at Mom’s
recommendation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yesterday, the day Mom
died, the kids begged me for extra chapters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the past month, I also read aloud A Town Like Alice -- a worn paperback
by Nevil Shute, from Mom’s collection; they loved that, too.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Knowing how much Mom loved Shute’s books, I took one of her
old copies along when I rushed east last week to pay one final visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom was no longer able to speak, although she
smiled at me, and squeezed my hand, hour upon hour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read aloud to her from Pied Piper, a Shute novel
about World War Two and an old man who risks himself to save seven small
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the book’s inside cover, in
an achingly familiar handwriting, it says “Janet Malyon Phnom Penh”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I showed the inscription to Mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She gazed at it for a long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She held my hand.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How does one summarize a life? Places traveled, words
spoken, tasks completed, people touched?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What is the sum of thirty thousand two hundred and fifty-six days?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There is no way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
yet we try.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-37697224843781514982022-01-07T10:11:00.003-08:002022-11-06T16:51:34.856-08:00Everything You Need<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh32313TjTdICagHqDuBZln_xPE3mgrfhRr9n1I0NUTvN4pugWxlHyC3nEIi8SGL9OAcoFzcUTEqgv6kFFC1EbCLXdr1JhqsS0ekg-5B7HhxzcYVw9JADElYgshGqFBOlYPkib9puxvW42dY7T7YrNHO57o5h1H_H9gyy0AwUqpXSC1BxI0Zd5b7pwY=s259" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh32313TjTdICagHqDuBZln_xPE3mgrfhRr9n1I0NUTvN4pugWxlHyC3nEIi8SGL9OAcoFzcUTEqgv6kFFC1EbCLXdr1JhqsS0ekg-5B7HhxzcYVw9JADElYgshGqFBOlYPkib9puxvW42dY7T7YrNHO57o5h1H_H9gyy0AwUqpXSC1BxI0Zd5b7pwY=w320-h240" width="320" /></a></div>As a companion piece to "Great Chemistry", this one is for the social scientists -- or for anyone who struggles to find meaning in life and the correct aisle at the grocery store.<br /><br />In 2015, this ten-minute play was selected for the Annual 8 X 10
Festival of Short Plays hosted by the Fairbanks Drama Association and
The Looking Glass Group Theatre. It was performed at the Hap Ryder
Riverfront Theater in Fairbanks, Alaska on April 24th and 25thth of that
year. I'm sharing it now in memory of Peggy Ferguson, Executive Director
of the Fairbanks Drama Association and Children's Theater, who was an
inspiration to all of us -- and didn't mind my nerdy sense of humor.<span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></p><br /> <br /><p></p><div class="WordSection1"><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Setting</span></u><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">:<u> </u></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Fairbanks
Alaska, present time </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Fred
Meyer supermarket checkout – two parallel lanes</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">The
setting can be merely suggested, using simple tables in place of conveyor belts
and miming the checkout process. One checker stands at each register. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Characters</span></u><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">: </span></p><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT
(CHECKER ONE), thirties or forties, male.</span>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 269.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER
TWO, any age or gender.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></p><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE
(CUSTOMER ONE), similar age to VINCENT. Female.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></div><div class="WordSection1"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></div><div class="WordSection1"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Other
CUSTOMERS (any age or gender; can be played by as few as three actors,
switching hats, props, etc.)</span> </div><div class="WordSection1"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">
</span>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: -31.5pt; text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Scene I</span></u></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: -31.5pt; text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></span></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 112.5pt; text-indent: 67.5pt;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VOICEOVER [loud, enthusiastic]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">What’s
on your list today?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll find it at
Fred Meyer!</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: -31.5pt; text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></span></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(LIGHTS
UP on the two checkout stands, where VINCENT and CHECKER TWO are already
standing in place. In sync, OLIVE and another CUSTOMER hurry toward their
respective checkouts. OLIVE is miming pushing a heavy cart. The other CUSTOMER is
miming carrying a small basket. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT
and CHECKER TWO(in sync)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">How
are you today? </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE
and CUSTOMER(in sync)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Fine,
thanks.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT
and CHECKER TWO(in sync) </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Did
you find everything you needed?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
freezes at checkout two, but continues at checkout one, with OLIVE miming
taking items from her cart, and VINCENT miming checking and bagging items.) </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Well,
actually, no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s going on with all
the rearrangement?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t find the
organic steel-cut oats or the free-range hormone-free eggs… and… well, there’s
this one brand of tofu, the kind that’s hand-pressed and herb-infused… </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">The
Arboreal Organic Melodies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, that
stuff’s fantastic!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">You
like it too?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always slice it thin with
a little garlic hummus on half a Sprout-tastic Bagel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I can’t find those, either. Or the Vegan
Vagabond quiches. I couldn’t find ANYTHING I needed today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Well,
I’m not sure that any of those items – although technically food -- are shelved
with Basic Physiological Needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
your needs are actually at some other level of the hierarchy.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Hierarchy?
Basic physiological needs? What are you talking about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And why are the organic bulk bins now located
next to the greetings cards, the Harlequin romances, and the condoms?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
freezes at checkout 1 and resumes at checkout 2.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">No,
actually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t find everything I
needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What the heck is the deal?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where can I find the duct tape, huh?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a tarp. I need a tarp.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER 2 </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Oh,
tape and tarps will be with the pilot bread and the mac and cheese.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Uh… what?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER 2 </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">New
policy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our manager, Mr. Maslow, is
trying to make sure everyone finds what they need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s all based on his hierarchical system.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Another
CUSTOMER enters and unobtrusively gets in line behind the first CUSTOMER,
standing back slightly, but clearly listening.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Look,
I just want a goddamned tarp!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where the
-</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER 2</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Try
checking the Basic Physiological Needs Aisle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just past the beer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you get to
the cans of spray foam, you’ve gone too far.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(CUSTOMER
stalks away, exiting, and is replaced by the next CUSTOMER)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER TWO </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Hey
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you find everything you
needed?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
freezes at checkout 2, while actors at checkout 1 spring to life.) </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Well,
our new manager is really focused on the store slogan – Everything You
Need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re supposed to be shelving items
according to his Hierarchy of Needs…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">What
do hierarchies have to do with organic turmeric and honey sesame sticks?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Well…
I dunno… It made sense when Mr. Maslow explained it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Basic Physiological Needs -- that’s the base
of the pyramid. Safety, Security, and Health -- that comes next. Human
Connection and Love is third… then Prestige and Confidence… and at the
pinnacle, there’s Self Actualization.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, can you tell Mr. - what’s it, Maslow? -
that I don’t need bodice rippers or anything that’s “ribbed”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need Organic Arboreal Melodies Herb-Infused
Hand-Pressed Tofu.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Fair
enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what I need, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or… at least… [hesitates thoughtfully] that’s
what I WANT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I actually need
is…[trails off].</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">[Interested,
looking at him directly for the first time] What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you really need?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
freezes at checkout 1, while actors at checkout 2 spring to life.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Fidgeting
uncomfortably) No, I, um… Well, I couldn’t find… That is, my wife (or husband)
told me to look for…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(CUSTOMER
leans closer to CHECKER and whispers something unintelligible.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>CHECKER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">The
regular, or the extra strength?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Very
flustered) Oh, no! Not the... I mean, um, just the regular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Another
CUSTOMER enters, pulling along a SMALL CHILD who is designated as such by
clutching a stuffed animal, sucking thumb, whining, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They get in line.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Sounding
slightly disappointed) You sure?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
extra strength, it lasts for fourteen hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At least, that’s what I’ve heard.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Glancing
anxiously at the other CUSTOMER and CHILD)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, um… yes.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER TWO</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Okay,
that would be in Safety and Wellbeing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just past the vaginal yeast medication and the suppositories. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(CUSTOMER
hastens off, exiting, and is replaced at the register by the next CUSTOMER and
CHILD)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER 2 </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Did
you find everything you needed today?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
freezes at checkout 2, and resumes at checkout 1).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">What
do I really need? That’s a can of worms, isn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to think I knew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, when I was sixteen, I was pretty sure
that what I needed most in the world was to play lead guitar for a garage band
called “The Ironmongers.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Laughing)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I thought I needed to get into the college of my choice, rock the
pre-med scene, and ultimately discover the cures for cancer, Alzheimer’s and
hangnails.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">I
thought I needed to shout earnest, grating lyrics about world peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, part of me also thought I needed
to drive down to South Cushman with Laurie, from my homeroom, who applied her
mascara with a trowel.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">And
I thought I needed to be valedictorian over at West Valley – and also magically
seduce a boy named Greg entirely by gazing longingly at the back of his head during
biology class.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(Interested) So, did that work out?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Was
I valedictorian?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Third.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I did go to the college of my choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Got lucky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or did you mean, was I ever Greg’s girlfriend?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I… (Pauses, looks away).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been… less lucky with… all that.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I… um… yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me, too.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Teasing)
You’re not Greg’s girlfriend, either?</span></p>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="break-before: page; mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Laughing)
Maybe I’d have more luck if I were batting for that team. Maybe not. But, hey,
it sounds like you got the degree you wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The world will be both cancer-free and hangnail-free any day now -- assuming
you specialized in both oncology and dermatology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">You’re
pretty erudite for a grocery checker. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Um,
thanks?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Crap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That came out wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I – I always say the wrong thing.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
freezes at checkout 1, and resumes at checkout 2).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">No,
I did NOT find what I needed. Do you carry the Baby Einstein DVD
collection?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHILD</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(In
a piercing whine, grabbing for items on invisible shelves) Want candy!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">I’m
particularly interested in Baby Beethoven and Baby Van Gogh.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHILD</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Even
louder) Want this!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Want this!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Another
CUSTOMER enters and joins the line behind the CUSTOMER and CHILD, but leaving a
significant space and recoiling from the screaming.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And Suzuki books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need Sukuzi books, too.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHILD</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Screaming)
Caaaaaaaandy!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>CHECKER 2</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Try
Prestige and Feelings of Confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aisle
eleven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look for the NFL infant onesies
and the Class of 2035 toddler sweatshirts. On the bottom shelf you’ll find all
the products intended to address sublimated hopes for status redirected onto
the next generation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(CUSTOMER
exits, dragging CHILD, who is still having a tantrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next CUSTOMER steps forward.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER
2</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Sounding
extremely tired) Did you find everything you needed?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
freezes at checkout 2, and resumes at checkout 1).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">It’s
okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I AM pretty damned erudite for a
cashier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you’re pretty damned
erudite for someone out buying pressed tofu in the middle of the afternoon on a
Tuesday.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Technically,
I’m not actually buying any pressed tofu, because it’s hidden in some part of
Maslow’s hierarchy that I haven’t found yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Ah,
but I can let you in on that secret.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
the Arboreal Melodies products are in the Prestige and Feelings of Confidence
category.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Maslow’s
fourth level?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Yup.
They’re with the hair dye, the SAT prep guides, the Let’s Go Travel books, and
the ribbed flavored condoms.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">But
not the regular standard-issue rubbers?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Nah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve got a few in the third level – Love and
Connection – but mostly they’re in Health and Safety, with the Tylenol and
Tums.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Health
and Safety, all the way down on the second level - that’s me, I guess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I work the swing shift at the emergency
room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">I
was an English major.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got seven
unpublished novels on my laptop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of
them is getting some nibbles from agents, but I’m nowhere close to quitting my
day job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">In
the winter, I don’t see daylight at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All year, I see people who can’t afford health insurance, and people who
made bad choices, and people who had horrible luck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I deal with nothing but low-on-the-hierarchy
basics. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">I’ve
been here so long that I’ve got every produce code memorized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clementines: 3384.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Star fruit: 4256.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chestnuts: 4927.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">And
I’m not a doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m an RN.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Tamarinds:
4448.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus, I even know tamarinds…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">I
haven’t discovered the cure for anything. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">I
haven’t discovered...</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Vincent
stops in mid-sentence and meets Olive’s gaze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She gazes back at him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Action
freezes at checkout 1, and resumes at checkout 2).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CUSTOMER</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">I
need Lunchables.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER 2</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">No
you don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one needs Lunchables.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(CUSTOMER
looks momentarily confused, then nods and mimes handing over cash and receiving
change as a new CUSTOMER enters, this time pushing an extremely heavy cart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first customer exits. As the second CUSTOMER
reaches the register, action freezes at checkout 2, and resumes at checkout 1).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>OLIVE</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Gaze
still locked with VINCENT’s) I don’t have to be at work until midnight tonight.
(Pause) I make a damn fine tofu and sprout sandwich.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">VINCENT</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">My
shift ends in twenty minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I own a
juicer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I know how to use it.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(Action
resumes at checkout 2, but does not freeze at checkout 1).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">CHECKER
2</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Did
you find everything you needed?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">OLIVE,
VINCENT, and CUSTOMER (in sync)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, I think I did.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";">(END
OF PLAY.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-5225575344228717602022-01-05T16:57:00.000-08:002022-11-06T16:51:58.280-08:00Great Chemistry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgh0h-xczjNnOAiGuyiwYbqjNvxDK4dDe2f6uRQKZ3hN8EB2NOlqAHVRDqunBp_PfRJNyM8AhzL5UQrs8G6VH0HqSi2V_M4RI_yP0ohnFR7Bm9vYxtuL8PlBy0ddRlmXRKfNxTEe4_mpdbCJbi1AYbw71p5gcptmi7_l9soNXiy_3jzErNXKTX-FVHG=s3300" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2550" data-original-width="3300" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgh0h-xczjNnOAiGuyiwYbqjNvxDK4dDe2f6uRQKZ3hN8EB2NOlqAHVRDqunBp_PfRJNyM8AhzL5UQrs8G6VH0HqSi2V_M4RI_yP0ohnFR7Bm9vYxtuL8PlBy0ddRlmXRKfNxTEe4_mpdbCJbi1AYbw71p5gcptmi7_l9soNXiy_3jzErNXKTX-FVHG=w400-h309" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>In 2019, this ten-minute play was selected for the Annual 8 X 10 Festival of Short Plays hosted by the Fairbanks Drama Association and The Looking Glass Group Theatre. It was performed at the Hap Ryder Riverfront Theater in Fairbanks, Alaska on April 26th and 27th of that year. I'm sharing it now in memory of Peggy Ferguson, Executive Director of the Fairbanks Drama Association and Children's Theater, who was an inspiration to all of us -- and didn't mind my nerdy sense of humor.</p><p>If any equally nerdy high school science teacher or college chemistry professor with theatrical ambitions ever wants to stage a performance of this play, it's all yours. Go for it. But I'd love to know if you do. </p><p><br /></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Setting: </b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A room at a speed-dating service. Contemporary. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Characters: </b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM (female) — light-hearted, engaging, kind </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON (male) — cheerful, bright, polite </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">OXYGEN (female) – vampish, pushy </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NITROGEN (female) — unimaginative, tedious </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE (female) — sarcastic, defensive </p><p class="MsoNormal">CARBON (male) —
overbearing, predatory </p><p class="MsoNormal">NITROGEN (male) — dull, droning </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">SODIUM (male) — eager, excitable </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Notes: </b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The set can be very simple. It might consist of nothing more
than eight folding chairs arranged in four groups of two and a prominent sign
saying, “Great Chemistry Speed Dating”. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Characters should wear solid-colored t-shirts of different
shades, with the exception of the two nitrogens, who should have identical
shirts. Neon should have a bright/neon shirt. (Other logical choices might be
black for carbon, yellow for sodium, blue for oxygen, white for helium, green
for chlorine, and brown for the nitrogens, but this is optional.) </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">All characters should be wearing nametags, e.g. “Hi, my name
is Oxygen”. It is not necessary that these be legible from the audience. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Throughout the action, mimed conversations take place in all
character pairs, but only one conversation is audible at a time - always
involving one or both of the main characters, NEON and HELIUM.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Scene I </b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[LIGHTS UP on eight people sitting in pairs of chairs. In
this initial grouping, NEON is conversing audibly with NITROGEN(f). HELIUM is
with CARBON; they are initially muted, with CARBON aggressively sleazy and
HELIUM politely avoidant. The other two pairs are muted throughout. OXYGEN is
flirting heavily with SODIUM, who is laughing nervously and twitching with
excess energy. NITROGEN(m) is talking endlessly but without much animation to
CHLORINE, who is making sarcastic comments. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Buzzer sounds. NEON and NITROGEN(f) become audible.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Smiling, friendly] Hey there… [glances at her nametag]
Nitrogen. Wow, four minutes seems really short, but this could be fun. So, tell
me about something you really like. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NITROGEN(f) </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Incredibly bland] Oh, I’m just a regular kind of gal, I
guess. What do I like? Well, I really like cornfields. And wheat fields. And
soybean fields. And alfalfa fields. And barley fields. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, so you’re an agriculturalist? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NITROGEN(f) </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fertilizer. My whole family is into fertilizer. I also like
oat fields. And sorghum fields. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Well… that’s a line of work that isn’t going to go out of
style. So, do you produce organic fertilizers? Natural compost? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NITROGEN(f) </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Blankly] No. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh. Well, um, what are your other interests? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NITROGEN(f) </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Pause] Well, there’s my one uncle who produces nylon. I
like nylon. Nylon tights. And nylon stretch pants. And nylon windbreakers. And
nylon shirts. And nylon hats. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Still polite, but glancing covertly at his watch] Um…
right. Nylon. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Their conversation continues, but now as a muted pantomime,
with NEON becoming increasingly bored and NITROGEN(f) increasingly long-winded
and dull. CARBON and HELIUM now become audible, in mid-conversation.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CARBON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Leaning in slightly too close] Oh, sure, sweetie, but what
made a little cutie like you decide to try speed dating? I mean, me, I’ve
formed a lot of bonds over the years, LOTS of bonds, heh heh, but… </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Leaning slightly away from him, but trying to be polite] To
be honest, my little sister talked me into it. [Gives a fond laugh, and a small
shake of her head.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CARBON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Paying more attention to her looks than her words] I guess
I just haven’t found the right chemistry, if you know what I mean. I’ve met a
lot of singles who wanted to connect with me, but I’ve really been looking for…
a double bond, y’know? [Pause] Did you say your little sister? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yeah. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CARBON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, and what’s HER name? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hydrogen. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CARBON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Leering] Oh, Hydrogen! She’s your sister? I’ve often… I
mean, I hear she’s really… well… yeah, everyone knows Hydrogen… [Snickers] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Shrugs calmly, unoffended] Sure. She’s attractive. Lots of
positive energy. She bonds easily. So? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CARBON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Well, from what I’ve heard, she gives her electron up pretty
darned quick, if you know what I mean. Girl sure knows how to get ionic. Or so
they say. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Still calm] Uh huh. And what do they say about you, Carbon?
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CARBON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hey, she’s not MY sister. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[HELIUM folds her arms, leans casually away from him, and
stares off into space, yawning. Buzzer sounds. Everyone gets up and changes
seats. In this second configuration, NEON is with CHLORINE in audible
conversation. HELIUM and SODIUM are initially muted; she is responding kindly
to his slightly hyperactive banter. CARBON is hitting on NITROGEN (f), who is
droning on obliviously. OXYGEN is flirting and pouting at NITROGEN (m), who is
blathering away cluelessly. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[On the offensive] Okay, we have four minutes. Fine. Go for
it. Tell me about yourself. Whatever you’ve got to say can’t be much worse than
the monologue about agricultural fertilizer I got from that last guy. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Smiling] Fertilizer’s not my thing, although maybe that guy
should meet… [he glances over toward Nitrogen (f)] …her. Well, anyhow, I mostly
work in tech: high-voltage indicators and switching gear, lightning arresters,
lasers, and diving equipment. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Sarcastic] Diving equipment? Yeah, right. You’re probably
like, oh, Chlorine [gestures to her own nametag], I bet she’s into pools. Nope.
Try again. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Still unruffled] Oh, no – I only deal in applications for
deep sea diving. For decompression purposes. It’s a safety issue. Kind of
interesting, scientifically. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[More interested] Oh, oceanic exploration? It’s ironic, I
grew up totally land-locked, but I’ve always dreamed of going to sea. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then you should go for it! I totally understand how you feel
about people who jump to conclusions. Everyone assumes I must be in the
lighting business – signs, advertising, all that. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Gestures to his bright shirt and his nametag] You think so,
Neon? Gee, I wonder why? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Looking down at his shirt] Oh, I can be a colorful guy. You
have a point, there. I mean, I’m not reactive, I’m not explosive, but colorful?
Yup. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Warming to him] Hey, it’s cool. I’ve got no problem with a
little attention-grabbing. I suppose we could all be accused of that. Why else
would we be here? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Pausing] You know, I don’t entirely know why I came. I do
like bouncing around. I like meeting people. This is kind of a charged
atmosphere, which is great and all, but that kind of electricity doesn’t
really… affect me. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, come on. Maybe you aren’t looking for, like, a long-term
covalent bond, but admit it, you’d be up for a little dipole-dipole
interaction. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Reflectively] No, not really. [Sees that she looks hurt] I
don’t mean it as an insult! I just… don’t bond. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">CHLORINE </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Frustrated] What the hell! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[CHLORINE and NEON become muted, although still having an
animated conversation, and HELIUM and SODIUM become audible.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">SODIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Visibly twitchy with excitement and positive energy] So, I
feel like I’d like to spend my life at sea, right? It would be so incredible!
Like, I could go anywhere – the Marianas Trench or the beaches of Madagascar or
anywhere – but not alone, right? So I’m trying to find someone. I just really
feel like I need to be in a relationship, right? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Kindly] The ocean really is lovely. That’s a beautiful
dream you’ve got there. But… I think I’d be more into flying than diving.
[Dreamily] Flying… </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">SODIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Still smiling, although disappointed] I’m sorry if I seem
too pushy. I just feel like I have this… positivity… that I so much want to
share with someone. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sodium, you’re a good guy. I hope you find the right person
to share that dream with. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Buzzer sounds. Everyone moves around again. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In this third grouping, NEON is with OXYGEN, conversing audibly.
HELIUM is with NITROGEN(m), initially muted; she is trying to hide her boredom.
CHLORINE is clearly making fun of CARBON’s come-ons. SODIUM is eagerly trying
to get some sort of reaction from NITROGEN(f), although she is as monotonous as
ever.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">OXYGEN </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Reaching out to stroke NEON’s shirt] Ooh, that color is
hot. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Inching back slightly] Nice to meet you, Oxygen. Hey, I
think I’ve heard the name before; are you part of that family business over at
the hospital? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">OXYGEN </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Dismissively] Oh, them. Yeah, my cousins work neonatal,
incubators, intensive care, life support and all that. Me, I’m more interested
in playing with fire. Flame cleaning. Flame hardening. Welding. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Genuinely interested] Oh, wow! I’ve always wondered how – </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">OXYGEN </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Cutting him off] But who wants to talk about work when
we’re here to connect, huh? [She tries to take his hand; he evades her.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[NEON and OXYGEN become muted, as she continues to flirt
unsuccessfully. HELIUM and NITROGEN(m) become audible. HELIUM is propping up
her head on her hands, as if trying to avoid falling asleep.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NITROGEN(m) </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Droning] And as I’m sure you know, the Haber process, also
called the Haber–Bosch process, is the primary means by which industrial
fertilizers are produced… </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Produces an incoherent half-snoring noise that appears to
wake her up] What? Um, right! Haber-Bosch. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Buzzer sounds. Everyone changes places. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In this final grouping, NEON is with HELIUM; NITROGEN(f) is
with NITROGEN(m); OXYGEN is with CARBON; and SODIUM is with CHLORINE.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I should probably start out by apologizing. I’ve figured out
that I shouldn’t be here. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Laughs] Oh, excellent! I was just about to say the same
thing about myself! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Really? Cool. [Visibly relaxes, grinning at him] It’s not
that I’m not having fun. I’m kind of amused by the whole thing… </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Grinning back] Oh, yeah. I mean, look at those two.
[Gestures to OXYGEN and CARBON who are all over each other.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Snorts with laughter] Oh, good lord. I should have guessed.
Carbon and Oxygen. They’re perfect for each other - albeit a trace toxic to
everyone around them. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[CARBON and OXYGEN get up from their seats in order to paw
each other more effectively. They exit together, increasingly wrapped around
one another.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh my god: carbon monoxide. Yeah, I should have seen that
coming. Triple bonded, no less. Yikes. Watch out, world. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Glancing over at the two NITROGENS, who are earnestly
talking together, nodding and smiling, seemingly hitting it off] Oh, and look
at those two. Nitrogen meets Nitrogen. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Does he talk about nothing but… </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fertilizer. Yeah, pretty much. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But the two of them together… </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">N-two: gaseous nitrogen! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Common as… air. [Waves his hand around expansively] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[The two NITROGENS get up, put their arms around each
other’s shoulders, and stroll off stage together, hip to hip, looking utterly
content.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Inert. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Totally ordinary. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And happy to be so. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Shifting his attention to look at CHLORINE and SODIUM, who
are bantering and laughing, thoroughly engrossed in one another] Oh, now THAT’s
interesting. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, good! I really liked Sodium. He’s got this positive
energy, if you know what I mean. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And I liked Chlorine, even though she’s a little negative. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It looks like they balance each other perfectly. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[CHLORINE and SODIUM get up and join hands, smiling at one
another and talking with great animation as if planning an elaborate future as
they head off stage together.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sodium chloride! Of course. The salt of the earth. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Or sea salt. Yes. How perfect! They’re heading off to
explore the ocean together. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[NEON and HELIUM are now the only two left on stage. They
both get up and start drifting around as they continue talking.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s not that I don’t like other people – or exploration,
for that matter. I enjoy a certain amount of floating around. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Same! I’m not antisocial. The opposite, really. I had a job
once working at kids’ parties – making balloons, you know? It was a ton of fun.
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, that sounds great! Even though I’m more into scientific
equipment now, I don’t mind lighting things up once in a while. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I still throw a pretty good party. Adults like to get silly,
too - [inhales and adopts a squeaky helium voice] just for the fun of it. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Laughing] I’m there! You know, you’d fit right in at the
game nights I have with my friends Argon and Krypton. Radon sometimes comes
too, if I can get him to leave his basement apartment. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And you’d probably like heading out with me and my friend
Xenon to paint the town red. Or should I say neon? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Y’know, I have great friends, and yet I’ve always felt weird
about not wanting to pair off. I guess that’s why I came here. I’ve felt like I
must be missing something, like I’m not living up to expectations, like I’m
just too different. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yeah. My sister meant well, pushing me to come here, but –
it still didn’t work. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Slowly, thinking] Or… maybe it did. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">No… no, I really didn’t feel anything like that with anyone
tonight. No sparks of electricity. No charged interactions. No polar opposites
attracting. I didn’t even feel comfortable – except with you, of course, just
hanging out. [Does a little mock-dance] Brownian motion! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Laughs appreciatively] But that’s just it! I’ve had all
these doubts about myself, about my differences, about my lack of bonding, but
talking to you… well, in you, I can see that there’s nothing missing, and
nothing extra. You’re so… balanced, so much yourself. You’re absolutely
complete on your own. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[With dawning understanding] And… that’s what I see in you!
You’re great to be around, but you don’t need to bond. You’re already you.
Entirely whole. Entirely Neon. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Ah, Helium, I’m honored. [He jokingly bows to her] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How very - noble! [She jokingly curtsies back] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[They grin at each other in total understanding and
friendship, then exchange a high-five. NEON turns and strides happily off
stage, turning part way to give HELIUM a friendly wave.] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NEON </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">See you around! I’ve got your number! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">HELIUM </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[Waving back] And I’ve got yours! [After he exits, to
herself] Neon: atomic number, ten. Ha! So THAT’S what a perfect ten looks like.
[Laughs to herself, then stretches luxuriantly and moves slowly, lightly,
across the stage, almost floating.] Damn, I feel good. Free. I might even say…
lighter than air. [Dances off stage] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[LIGHTS DOWN] </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">(END OF PLAY.)</p>
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<![endif]--></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-62327764046696101502021-12-20T23:55:00.000-08:002022-11-06T16:52:27.040-08:00Intra-familial and extra-familial undertakings since the previous hibernal solstice: a retrospective investigation<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Abstract</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A multi-factor analysis was undertaken of the behavior and
interactions of seven heterotrophic vertebrates [genus <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Homo</i>: Jay (J), Nancy (N), Elizabeth (E), Molly (M); genus <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Canis</i>: Shiloh (S), Eddy (E<sub>2</sub>) and
genus <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Felis</i>: Sinbad (S<sub>2</sub>)]
during the period between December 22, 2020, and December 21, 2021.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Results indicate that if you’re one of those
people who only reads the abstract, that’s entirely normal, and you should
enjoy the holiday season just as much as the people who continue all the way to
the conclusion and footnotes<sup>1</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Background</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This study built upon previous annual research at the same
site (Fresco 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Longitudinal studies of this type can provide
valuable insights<sup>2</sup>, and can also justify continuing to maintain a
mostly moribund blog site. Experimental hypotheses were designed to test
long-standing theories regarding the non-standard life choices of the subjects.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Methods</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Experimental subjects were observed both while contained within
a ~100 square meter chamber (lat/long 64.866011, -147.920129) kept at ~16<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">°</span>C for
the duration of the experiment<sup>3</sup>, and also in a broader sub-Arctic
environment<sup>4</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>External ambient
temperatures during the study period ranged from -39<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">°</span>C (Feb 22) to 31<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">°</span>C
(July 1). One subject (N) escaped the experimental zone (7/1/21 – 7/10/21) and
interacted with maternal, sororal, and unrelated mutualistic conspecifics.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Growth medium was primarily obtained from Fred Meyer and
Costco.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Consumption greatly exceeded
expected demands, particularly with regard to<span class="hgkelc"><b> </b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">fructivory (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Malus pumila et al.)</i></span></span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This may partially explain unprecedented chondrogenesis at the
epiphyseal plates in two of the subjects (E, M). Additional growth medium was
obtained via localized seasonal collection of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vaccinium (sp), Fragaria (sp) and Microtus (sp)</i><sup> 5</sup>.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Results</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Behaviors of all test subjects were semi-autocorrelated
based on proximity, genetics<sup>6</sup>, and scheduling parameters determined
by the Fairbanks North Star Borough School Board<sup>7</sup>.
Heteroscedasticity<sup>8 </sup>was not assessed. Regression analysis showed a
moderate degree of regression, particularly with regard to use of social media,
attending Zoom school while wearing Star Trek pajamas, repeated reversion to
mix tapes from the early 90’s, and excessive rereading of Harry Potter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Despite the paucity of sociocultural growth opportunities as
compared to pre-2020 levels, both E and M evidenced remarkable increases in perspicacity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Examples include ability to prevail in intra-familial
debate via searing logic and correct identification of hypocrisy; understanding
of the deeply flawed nature of human governance and belief systems; rapidity in
understanding new apps; and ability to beat the author at Set.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Selected behaviors of test subjects are shown in Figure
1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although some behaviors appeared to
be idiosyncratic, others were universal, e.g. snoring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Notably, none of the test subjects admitted
to snoring.</p>
<p class="MsoCaption"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEge7rbHDOIQZhN6dSrMkQq7oJyMU28_cNeOHdje8H3DwHQDFMmxTgSV0_c5Mjzy2T67qNNNvPVf8-WCFDU1-vqHScEr4gJ33hJQL_dA8wknOj_3e1Ihj0jjtZB0e4qDc4utAVKRMW2CTsvE9xVk5IotGVYLi3cQjSzYYAKW--EyAVzcbOigCSiPblPe=s2116" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1377" data-original-width="2116" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEge7rbHDOIQZhN6dSrMkQq7oJyMU28_cNeOHdje8H3DwHQDFMmxTgSV0_c5Mjzy2T67qNNNvPVf8-WCFDU1-vqHScEr4gJ33hJQL_dA8wknOj_3e1Ihj0jjtZB0e4qDc4utAVKRMW2CTsvE9xVk5IotGVYLi3cQjSzYYAKW--EyAVzcbOigCSiPblPe=w400-h260" width="400" /></a></div><i><br />Figure <span style="mso-no-proof: yes;">1</span>: Selected observed behaviors of test subjects.</i><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Univariate and multi-variate increases over time were found with
regard to several additional variables, including college-level Russian (E),
horseback riding (M), trail marathons (N, E, M); swallow-catching and
hatchling-banding (E, M); haircutting skills (M), viola-playing (M), art and
photography (M), rock climbing (E), extensive reading about goats (M) and
extensive reading about astrophysics (E).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Six out of seven subjects<sup>9</sup> were closely correlated in their
appreciation of long walks, bike rides, and ski jaunts on backwoods trails
(Fresco, Cable, Cable, and Cable 2021).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">During data analysis, it was mathematically determined that
if a person is digging an outhouse pit and is currently 17 feet below the
surface, assuming she can fling dirt upward at a velocity of 32 feet per second,
she will not successfully hurl the next shovelful of dirt out of the pit<sup>10</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Discussion</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Based on these results, several experimental hypotheses can
be supported, including Hypothesis 1: “Math is fun”; Hypothesis 2: “We miss traveling
and especially miss seeing all of you plus also museums and cool restaurants and
stuff”; and Hypothesis 3: “Yay, snow!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Additionally, although the author cannot correctly recall
all the steps in the Krebs Cycle, despite having a PhD in biology, she can
support the hypothesis that the Krebs Cycle exists, and will definitely be on
the AP Biology Exam.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Future research will focus on upon linking climate change data
to a series of derivatives, integrals, summations, and natural logarithms that
the author recently found in papers on spruce bark beetles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In light of this, it’s probably a good thing
that she was able to solve the outhouse calculus, albeit not as quickly as
anyone else in the room.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Conclusion</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">May your celebrations of the season be filled with joy,
laughter, light, warmth, love, and deliciousness<sup>11</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Happy Solstice to all!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Works Cited</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2012. Choose-Your-Own Holiday Letter. <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2012/12/choose-your-own-holiday-letter.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2012/12/choose-your-own-holiday-letter.html</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2013. Oddness-y. <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2013/12/oddness-y.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2013/12/oddness-y.html</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2014. Needs Improvement <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2014/12/needs-improvement.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2014/12/needs-improvement.html</a>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2015. Sing a Song of Sixpence, I Didn’t Send
You a Card <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2015/12/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2015/12/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none.html</a>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2016. I Verb You a Happy Noun <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2016/12/i-verb-you-happy-noun.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2016/12/i-verb-you-happy-noun.html</a>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2017. Emery Isthmus <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2017/12/emery-isthmus.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2017/12/emery-isthmus.html</a>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2018. Hallelujah <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2018/12/hallelujah_24.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2018/12/hallelujah_24.html</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2019. 2019 (Basic Recipe) <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2019/12/2019-basic-recipe.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2019/12/2019-basic-recipe.html</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, 2020. A Short Letter, and Several Letters
Short. <a href="http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2020/12/a-short-letter-and-several-letters-short.html">http://latitude.nancyfresco.com/2020/12/a-short-letter-and-several-letters-short.html</a>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresco, Nancy, Elizabeth Cable, Molly, Cable, and Jay Cable,
2021. Go Play Outside! Tips, Tricks, and Tales from the Trails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>University of Alaska Press.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.alaska.edu/uapress/browse/author-detail/fresco-nancy.php">https://www.alaska.edu/uapress/browse/author-detail/fresco-nancy.php</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>1</sup> I mean, seriously, who on earth would read
footnotes in a holiday letter?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>2</sup> Or grants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Preferably grants.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>3 </sup>Some exceedances occurred during summer months;
project materials did not include air conditioning.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>4</sup> Subject S<sub>2</sub> expressed a clear
non-verbal preference for non-sub-Arctic environments.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>5 </sup>Only subject S<sub>2</sub>, with occasional
after-the fact participation by Subject S and Subject E<sub>2</sub></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>6 <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></sup>Subject
J was noted to sing a novel song to remind his offspring that they cannot
escape his genes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This behavior was
received with characteristic eye-rolling responses.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>7</sup> Which, with the exception of a couple of
delightful members, should never be allowed to determine anything, ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>8 </sup>But the author wants you to know that she knows
the word heteroscedasticity.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>9</sup> Meow.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>10 </sup>Hannibal Grubis, 2021.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Math is fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>See also Beth Zirbes, 2021.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><sup>11</sup> And math -- but only if you personally support
Hypothesis 1.</p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-23919647790834048972021-06-21T01:17:00.002-07:002022-11-06T16:52:43.337-08:00Bubble, bubble<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iQbb4l7xJs8/YNBJw-ApmsI/AAAAAAAAGYk/kkUuWY6n2sY0QLekXUVZPZLskBM3mvr9gCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/bubble.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1874" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iQbb4l7xJs8/YNBJw-ApmsI/AAAAAAAAGYk/kkUuWY6n2sY0QLekXUVZPZLskBM3mvr9gCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/bubble.jpg" /></a></div><p></p><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">After shoving a
couple of wooden serving spoons into the salad and quickly checking on the pot
of Thai curry, the rice cooker, the cheesy garlic bread, and the peach and cherry
cobbler – mismatched cuisine to match my haphazard tastes -- I stepped over to set
the dinner table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plates, mugs, forks –
one at every place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thirteen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">It was good to
be back to eating with a perfectly normal number of people. A community.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Our non-standard
living arrangements have been both a comfort and a challenge during COVID. For
the past 17 years, our little neighborhood of friends has shared some of our
space and resources, and has dined together on weeknights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has always been a little hard to explain
to new acquaintances, in a “What kind of oddball Alaskan cult are you, exactly?”
kind of way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Americans just don’t do
that.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Our nation has an
awkward attitude about “community”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
ostensibly champion close extended families and cohesive neighborhoods, but if
someone lives with several great-aunts, starts a childcare cooperative, or
suggests that tax money should go toward town recreation centers – well, that’s…
suspect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Culturally, we assume that Mom,
Dad, their 2.1 children, and their 1.6 dogs are an entirely self-sufficient
unit in terms of economics, emotional support, logistics, vacuum cleaner
ownership, and apple-pie-baking. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(The
1.8 cats refused to comment on their role.) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Such are the joys of unfettered capitalism that
we fail to recognize the gaps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
continually create social norms and economic infrastructure that undermine communities.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Since COVID first
reared its ugly spike proteins, the question of community has become both more fraught
and more overtly discussed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who is in
your bubble?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who is not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do wealth, class, race, culture, and
definitions of family have to do with it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What do roommates owe one another, and WHO LEFT THESE DIRTY SOCKS ON THE
COUNTER?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What about strangers in the
same building, the same laundromat, the same bathroom-down-the hall?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where is the fuzzy middle ground between fully
cohabiting married couples and entanglements that are harder to explain to your
grandpa -- and how can you keep your grandpa healthy while you’re
explaining?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When is privacy a privilege,
and when is isolation a curse? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are
the tradeoffs between safety, loneliness, civic duty, and love?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">People who know
about our living setup asked us how we were dealing with our unusual situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answer was “the best we can”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ultimately, how we reconfigured depended on
individual and family-level choices about risk and uncertainty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One family of three chose to become a
self-contained unit, and one young adult and one older individual each temporarily
left our bubble to be with their respective off-site partners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That left eight of us at the dinner table: my
own family of four, and two other couples.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">Eight people
still felt like a large bubble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Moreover, the group included two high-risk people, based on their ages
(73 and 88). The responsibility felt heavy, and I fretted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But at the same time, the daily company of
these long-time friends was a balm – and if an octogenarian wanted to throw in
his lot with me, my husband, and our twin 13-year-olds, who was I to
second-guess him?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were all lucky
enough to be in low-risk, work-from-home jobs and Zoom school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were all luckily to still have jobs, and
teachers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we were lucky to have one
another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Together, we celebrated a 74<sup>th</sup>
birthday, and an 89<sup>th</sup>.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">The community
members who stepped out of our bubble nonetheless regularly stepped into our
shared building for showers and laundry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We live in the woods on land underlain by permafrost, and don’t have
standard pipes or septic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our water is delivered
by truck to a shared tank. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t need
to explain the necessity of a year’s worth of hygiene. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">The
non-dinner-table community members became part of a new social genre: the
Outdoor Friends, a.k.a the Walk Buddies or Driveway Hangers. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All friends are awesome, of course, but the ones
who willingly-but-awkwardly stand next to a parked car to chat with you or get
together for socially distanced ambles in Fairbanks in January are Lindt-truffle-level
awesome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">My Outdoor
Friends are cautiously crossing thresholds with me again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re not post-COVID -- not even close. Nonetheless,
we’re vaccinated, and some things ARE changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That includes some quirky yet fundamental aspects of my own life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This week, I regained access to the showers
in the basement of my plumbing-enabled workplace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a full-force shower that was eleven
minutes long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eleven!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">The twins
turned fourteen during COVID.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then they
turned fifteen – still during COVID.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yesterday
marked the day when they were two-weeks-post their second Pfizer vaccines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They spent the day hanging out with a similarly
freshly-vaccinated kid who has been their stalwart Outdoor Friend for the
duration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last winter, these teenagers
spent hours in the snow at 20 below zero Fahrenheit, just to be together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tossed snacks out to them as if they were
feral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">No one will
believe their stories when they’re all geezers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then again, what will be “normal” in 2090?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">As we all try
to figure out how the world has changed, how it’s stayed the same, and whether
we want to go back to wearing real pants and making small-talk, I’ll continue
to ponder the meaning of community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
-- superstitions and my questionable cooking skills notwithstanding -- I’ll
keep setting thirteen plates at dinner.</p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-75883916476412801632021-03-19T01:39:00.000-07:002021-03-19T01:39:05.889-07:00The eleven types of Zoom meetings<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>1.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Zoom
meeting that could have been an email.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Zoom
meeting that could have been an email, except that let’s face it no one would
have answered the email, or even read past the first bullet point, let alone
clicked on the link to the Google Doc that needs editing by the group, so fine,
let’s do this in real time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s not
awkward at all.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Zoom
meeting that is not actually a Zoom meeting because someone works for the
National Academy of Making Things Impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Okay, fine, we’re using the different software you recommended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one understands the software, except for
Tiffany, who is unable to download the software because she’s hotspotting from
her minivan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite the software
change, Nigel is still stuck behind a firewall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My kids’
Zoom chemistry class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Involves rummaging
in the cupboards for baking soda and fielding sudden urgent questions about
electron orbitals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Invariably occurs
simultaneously with #5.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">5.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Zoom meeting
that requires laser-like focus and Herculean organizational skills lest I look
like an idiot in front of my most influential colleagues and/or people who can
fire me.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">6.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Meeting
that is really a presentation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not
touching that unmute button, ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
camera is off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course I’m here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would you question whether I’m here
during your monologue?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Totally here.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">7.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Meeting
that is really a phone call.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
need to look at anything or anyone, and I’m very sure that no one needs to look
at me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am entirely cogent, fully
contributing, and no one needs to know that I’m taking a walk with my ear buds
and phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you mean, is that the
sound of a backhoe?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">8.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Meeting in
which I can openly admit that I’m taking a walk, because you’ve all been
working with me for a decade and you haven’t managed to get rid of me yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Totally a backhoe.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">9.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My kids’
Zoom gym class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Noisy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Makes the house vibrate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Smells like teenagers, even though 28 of the
30 students are not physically present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Conducted with cameras and microphones off, entirely on the honor
system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Causes me to vacillate between
pride over my children’s obvious honor, and the desire for less honorable
children.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">10.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Zoom
meeting that could have been a semaphore message from a remote windswept
hilltop.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">11.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Zoom
meeting during which I’m writing this list of types of Zoom meetings.</p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"></p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-49528380158470841922020-12-21T01:36:00.000-08:002020-12-21T01:36:12.550-08:00A short letter, and several letters short<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;"></p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<p class="MsoNormal">For many years, I’ve shared whimsically annoying holiday
letters, each in a different genre, from “Epic Poem” to “Third Grade Homework
Packet” to “Choose Your Own Adventure”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In 2006, it was a haiku:</p>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><i>Twins and doctorate</i><i> </i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><i>Have not allowed much free time</i>
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><i>For email or sleep</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><i> </i></div>
But now it’s 2020.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>
<p class="MsoNormal">As we descended into the darkness of this Winter Solstice,
my Whimsy Muse wasn’t just quiet, she was mute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I thought about the past twelve months’ headlines. I thought about my
dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What genre could possibly be or fitting
– or even tolerable – for summing up this year?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then I thought of Dad a bit more, and it seemed
obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was momentarily flummoxed when I realized that -- in this
era of online games and online everything -- I don’t even own an entire and
unsullied Scrabble set.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The old wooden
letter tiles of my childhood are mismatched and incomplete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But upon reflection, that seemed perfectly
imperfect.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I know a lot of you have had a tough year – tougher than
mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please, tell me if you need serious
help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, please tell me if you need frivolous
help: a phone call, or a pie, one of the blank tiles to reach the triple word
score.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in the meantime, even if you’re
a few letters short and have lost your dictionary, play anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep playing.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Happy solstice, my friends.</p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wFovlq7Zu60/X-Br4q-NBXI/AAAAAAAAGI0/LMqHg3hL9EYtCpDMVXPGzGjIWAJqtYCegCLcBGAsYHQ/s2708/20201212_181026%2B%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1161" data-original-width="2708" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wFovlq7Zu60/X-Br4q-NBXI/AAAAAAAAGI0/LMqHg3hL9EYtCpDMVXPGzGjIWAJqtYCegCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/20201212_181026%2B%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RxE-hFIsKWI/X-Br4BElLuI/AAAAAAAAGIo/L4b1gqXV2jw7I9RuTOH3IsB-FmC1iJ4DQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1734/Scrabble%2Bdad%2Bolder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1116" data-original-width="1734" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RxE-hFIsKWI/X-Br4BElLuI/AAAAAAAAGIo/L4b1gqXV2jw7I9RuTOH3IsB-FmC1iJ4DQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Scrabble%2Bdad%2Bolder.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rz4SzOuwpTs/X-Br4gx8mYI/AAAAAAAAGIw/fionuBAr9pgLfGffRqnsviqFpLEepL-lwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1416/Scrabble%2Bdad%2Byounger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="966" data-original-width="1416" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rz4SzOuwpTs/X-Br4gx8mYI/AAAAAAAAGIw/fionuBAr9pgLfGffRqnsviqFpLEepL-lwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Scrabble%2Bdad%2Byounger.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bo3xsbxaLFU/X-Br4cxDzVI/AAAAAAAAGIs/2jFgTskM8aQkQ7-zqUfwzEL4v-2-GwkpACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Scrabble%2BHoliday%2Bletter%2B2020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2033" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bo3xsbxaLFU/X-Br4cxDzVI/AAAAAAAAGIs/2jFgTskM8aQkQ7-zqUfwzEL4v-2-GwkpACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Scrabble%2BHoliday%2Bletter%2B2020.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-69244259848023274412020-10-09T01:12:00.002-07:002020-10-09T01:31:21.783-07:00Important Life Lessons Learned While Pandemic-Binge-Watching all of Star Trek, The Original Series, with my Fourteen-Year-Old Twins
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8e9KzjJnvTI/X4AaVGO6OmI/AAAAAAAAGDI/we0ws8bzVc8gwWIBIHOViWmzvJif3UGwgCLcBGAsYHQ/s213/Spock%2Beyebrow.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="213" data-original-width="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8e9KzjJnvTI/X4AaVGO6OmI/AAAAAAAAGDI/we0ws8bzVc8gwWIBIHOViWmzvJif3UGwgCLcBGAsYHQ/s0/Spock%2Beyebrow.jpg" /></a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> “Where I come from, size, shape or color
makes no difference. And nobody has the power.” </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">– Captain James Kirk, Star Trek, Plato’s
Stepchildren. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">The 23rd century, as imagined in 1966-1969
America by the creators of Star Trek, was a world – no, a galaxy! -- of
equality and justice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Race was
immaterial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gender did not matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Diverse cultures were respected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Science was promoted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Technology bolstered exploration and
communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peace was paramount.
Learning was valued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Opportunity was
open to all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a beautiful and
ambitious vision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But because it was not
yet fully invented, it was full of gaping holes, blatant contradictions,
scantily clad green women, and hilariously cringey weirdness.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#1 The Man Trap: Micro-minis make great
workwear, and too much salt is bad for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#5: The Enemy Within: Your inner demons
are nasty, but at least they aren’t boring.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#18 Arena: Low-budget lizard-people are
bad at hand-to-claw combat.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Over the past couple of months, I’ve
re-watched all seventy-nine episodes of the original Star Trek series with my
fourteen-year-old daughters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
started as a joke turned into a frequently amusing, sometimes painful, and
surprisingly eye-opening journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Viewing,
discussing, dissecting, and mocking every episode, even the truly terrible ones
– especially the truly terrible ones – has granted the kids new insights into
the past, the present, and the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It has also brought me to a new realization: I grew up in an imaginary
galaxy. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">No, I wasn’t raised on Aldebaran III or
Altair VI. I was born on boring little Earth, in 1972 – a handful of years
after the original Trek, but still well within hailing distance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That birthdate places me smack in the middle
of Generation X.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our generation is too
young to have watched first-run Trek.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
are also too young to remember the wars, marches, assassinations, protests, and
massive societal transformations that took place in the sixties and early
seventies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But our parents, teachers,
and mentors were fully aware during that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As such, our generation was shaped by the same forces that created
Klingons, Vulcans, and Tribbles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
were, collectively, urged “to boldly go where no man has gone before”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we were often given half-formed ideas,
skimpy budgets, poor scripts, and not much in the way of direction. All of the
original Trek’s aspirations, and all of its failings, were built into our
childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#23 A Taste of Armageddon: Let’s critique
the Cold War obliquely with aliens.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#39 Journey to Babel: Being raised by
logicians causes serious attachment issues.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#44 The Trouble with Tribbles: Exponential
growth is worrisome, even with pompoms.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Star Trek was, for its time, at the cutting
edge of social change and political liberality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But, viewed in 2020, the flaws and hypocrisy of the original series are
so obvious as to be comical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the
same hindsight, the failings and hypocrisy of my own childhood are just as
funny – and awkward, and heartbreaking – as those of Trek, and for the same
reason: reinventing deeply entrenched social structures is hard.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Trek tried, earnestly, to address sexism
and racism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It introduced a character
who was conflicted about being half human and half Vulcan, placed a Black woman
and an Asian man on the bridge of a starship, and created – for at least an
episode or two -- a female Romulan captain and a Black Federation
Commodore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But women still only
represented about 25% of the crew, were rarely depicted in positions of power,
and were too often shown only as lackeys providing paperwork or beverages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Likewise, minority males tended to hover
around the edges of the main plotline, wearing red shirts. The original Trek
featured thinly veiled lessons about inter-cultural understanding and gender
parity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it also featured stereotypical
“noble savages” and endless parades of breathless long-lashed alien ladies for
Kirk to woo.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#6 Mudd's Women: Don’t judge women by
their looks, except totally do?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#14 Balance of Terror: Let’s talk about
racism, but toward Vulcans.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#58 The Paradise Syndrome: Kirk is not
Native American, and neither are these actors.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">When I was a kid, I gradually became aware
of similarly deep contradictions in my world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was told, repeatedly, that boys and girls were equal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I looked at the adults around me, and saw
moms who stayed home with kids, and dads who went off to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The few exceptions were notable; I recall a
friend’s father cleaning the house: a man, pushing a vacuum cleaner!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was told that all races were equal, but the
only Black role models I met during my entire childhood in a mixed-race town
were one female gym teacher (who did not happen to be particularly inspiring) and
one male art teacher (who was).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank
you, Mr. Wyatt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You taught me about
perspective, in more ways than one.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">What I didn’t understand until many years
later is that the contradictions of my childhood stemmed from the fact that the
supposedly egalitarian reality presented to me was akin to a low-budget science
fiction series being written, directed, and filmed on the fly, by
amateurs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sweeping Civil Rights Act
of 1964 had only been in place for eight years when I was born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until 1967, five years before I was born,
interracial marriage was a criminal offense in some states.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women were not guaranteed the right to serve
on juries in all states until I was a toddler.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Women could not earn degrees from Harvard, ultimately my alma mater,
until I was five.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until I was six, women
could be fired for being pregnant. Until I was in first grade, no state – not
one! -- considered marital rape a crime.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">These facts are shocking and sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But to me, they are doubly peculiar for their
relative unfamiliarity. In the world in which I grew up, all adults knew these
things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’d lived them, internalized
them, been formed by them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, on the
other hand, know most of these things now only because I’ve researched them, or
been told them quite recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was not
taught these things in school – not about John Lewis and Bloody Sunday, not
even about the Vietnam War.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, really,
I wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Trek tried to address war, and peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its messaging was convoluted and
self-contradictory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It glorified
violence while condemning it, and espoused non-militarism within a blatantly
patriarchal and militaristic framework, complete with uniforms, insignia, and
hierarchy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stories feel familiar to
me not only because I watched and half-understood a slew of episodes in re-runs
when I was about ten,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but also because
the plots echo so much of the jumbled morality presented to me as a kid.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#48: A Private Little War: The Vietnam War
was caused by Klingons and Yetis.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#52 The Omega Glory: Never get involved in
a land war in Asia on another planet, but if you do, America wins.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#62 Day of the Dove: Peace wins.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Original Trek offered some of its most
spectacular flailing when it came to addressing human sexuality – or, for that
matter, the sexuality of aliens, robots, and amorphous clouds of gas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While holding up True Love as an ideal, it
offered only short-lived lust as a plot point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The comically distracting burning desires that develop in the course of
half an hour are forgotten by the next episode; as such, they provide stark
contrast to the far deeper, more resonant, and more interesting connections
between the three male leads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plenty of
fans have posited that these are the true, secret romances of Trek, although
that was clearly not the intent of the show’s creators. If Trek was bumbling
and bungling in dealing with issues that were only beginning to be addressed in
the late sixties – civil rights, gender equality, reproductive rights, sexual
freedom, religious freedom and atheism, birth control and population growth,
cold wars, not-so-cold wars, and the moral implications of the development of
artificial intelligence, advanced technology, and space flight – it’s no
surprise that it could not even touch upon gay rights or trans issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Nonetheless, the glaring sexual
contradictions of Trek highlight yet another piece of reality that was being
invented – still in quite nascent form -- during my childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do males and females, interacting as
colleagues and equals in a newfound environment of relative sexual freedom,
deal with all the hormonal stuff?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do
genuine friendships fit in?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what of
all the variations on gender, lust, and love that can and do occur?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#13 The Conscience of the King: Don’t kiss
murderers.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#34 The Apple: Forget Eden, sex is great!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#38 Metamorphosis: Love is love, so long
as the field of ionized hydrogen is a consenting adult field of ionized
hydrogen that is somehow definitely of the opposite sex.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">These questions were a struggle for me,
certainly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was a little girl, it
was only a minor challenge to present myself as an equal of the little boys in
my classes and on the playground. But when puberty hit, the playbook changed,
and I was lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching Trek helps
remind me why; it was equally lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
offered several clear templates for masculinity: tech-geek whiskey-sipping
Scotty; emotional and empathetic doctor-not-a-bricklayer McCoy; Kirk,
everyone’s favorite swashbuckling womanizer on a grand mission; and
fascinatingly cool-headed science officer and right-hand-man Spock. The
tensions between these types provide moments of genuinely nuanced theater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The women, on the other hand -- even Uhura
and Nurse Chapel -- don’t save the day, carry the torch, or evidence much in
the way of inner lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I certainly could
not have become any one of the nineteen (yes, nineteen) different females Kirk
kisses. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#37 I, Mudd: Don’t fondle the androids.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#57 The Enterprise Incident: The Romulans
are better feminists than the Federation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.5in;">#30 Amok Time: Your atypical sexuality
will be terrifying, overwhelming, humiliating, and potentially deadly. Luckily,
your lust will be assuaged by the love/commitment/violence of your best friend,
via rolling around, exposed male nipples, blood, and OMG we’re so confused.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">I aspired to be Spock: logical,
mathematical, pacifistic, atheistic, vegetarian, and largely passionless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I flunked that last part -- but then, so did
he.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the most interesting lessons
of Trek is that even Spock fails to be perfectly Spock – not only when
mind-altered in various ways, but also when faced with the gritty desires of a
powerful Romulan woman, the charmingly heteronormative love of his Captain, or
the awkward and complex jealousies of Dr. McCoy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the midst of much that is over-the-top
ridiculous in the original series, Spock’s hopes, dreams, and subtle yearnings
are oddly beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">It took me years to understand that pure
Vulcan ideologies are impossible, just as it took me years so understand how
contradictory and paper-thin my world was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When it came to authoring the imaginary-reality of my childhood, my
mother led the charge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, impressively
– considering that she had been raised in the relative Dark Ages of the 40’s
and 50’s -- she was successful, to a large degree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the age of seven, at the dawn of the 80’s,
I calculated that I would be 27 at the turn of the millennium.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I clearly recall anticipating that by that
ripe old age I would be a successful scientist and astronaut with a busy
career; I would also be a wife and mother, as something of a sidenote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a believer – at least for a while.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">As a teenager, I read and watched a
plethora of science fiction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wallowed
in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I checked out Clarke, Atwood,
Asimov, Heinlein, McCaffrey, Orwell, Adams, Engdahl, Leguin, Bradbury…
everything I could get my hands on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
I sat alone in my living room watching each of the then-extant Star Trek
movies, one after another, on VHS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
begun to be aware of the falseness, hypocrisy, and gaping holes in my utopia,
and I was filled with angst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was mad
at society for not being what I wanted to believe it to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was mad at the limitations that I’d been
taught did not exist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was mad at my
parents for tricking me, Santa-like, into believing in a warm, fuzzy,
beautiful, misleading falsehood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
was mad at my parents for their personal failure to walk the walk instead of
just talking the talk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked my mom
why she didn’t ever earn a college degree, and why she tended to bow to my
father’s whims and demands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I handed my
dad a dishtowel and told him to get off the couch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Among peers, I hid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shrank. I doubted myself.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Over the years, of course, I forgave my
parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the past three decades,
I’ve come to realize that Mom and Dad did their wonderful, loving, heartfelt
best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That forgiveness sharpened its
outlines in the past twelve weeks, as I re-watched Trek.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized that my parents were more skilled
than I gave them credit for, as science fiction authors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, their vision was flawed and
hypocritical, but they often did better than Gene Roddenberry and the rest of
the gang. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Moreover, after watching all that ancient
Trek with my kids, the flaws and hypocrisy of my own parenting efforts seem
ever more obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as my parents
hid many of the world’s atrocities from me when I was small, so too did I, with
my little ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as my parents tried
to reinvent the world for me, I have tried to reinvent the world for my own
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m undoubtedly doing it
badly, but I’m trying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I keep trying.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Star Trek kept trying, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It reinvented itself, decade by decade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t watched Next Generation in years,
but I have no doubt that these episodes, too, seem dated and cringeworthy
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Trek mission moved on to Deep
Space Nine and Voyager, then to Enterprise, then to Discovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each, in turn, moved the vision forward, but
each, in turn, will one day seem laughable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Each generation of teenagers will roll its collective eyes at the Trek
that belonged to its parents, the Trek that represented the oh-so-visionary and
oh-so-ridiculous future that guided its own upbringing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that makes me smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">Our progress will always lag behind our
ideals, but that doesn’t mean that progress isn’t occurring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grew up in an imaginary galaxy, sure -- but
so did we all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So will we all, I hope,
always.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s only by imagining it that
we can start to make it real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">After seventy-nine days of Trek, my family
hasn’t yet decided what’s next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We might
watch the original movies, then take a bit of a galactic break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But metaphorically, we’ll keep trying to
boldly go where no man – or no one – has gone before.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in;">WARNING: COMPLETE LIST PROVIDED ONLY FOR THE IRRETRIEVABLY NERDY <br /></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">1.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Man Trap <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Micro-minis make great workwear and too much salt is bad
for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">2.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Charlie X
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Hormonal teenagers are terrifying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">3.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Where No
Man Has Gone Before </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and also makes your
eyeballs glow.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">4.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Naked
Time</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">No matter how logical you are, emotions are still kind of a
big deal.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">5.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Enemy
Within</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Your inner demons are nasty, but at least they aren’t
boring.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">6.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mudd's
Women</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t judge women by their looks, except totally do?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">7.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What Are
Little Girls Made Of?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">A true friend knows the real you -- but stop kissing
androids.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">8.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Miri <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t flirt with twelve-year-olds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ewww.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">9.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Dagger of
the Mind <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">If everyone seems content, be suspicious.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">10.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Corbomite Maneuver</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Humans think they’re smart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Snicker.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">11.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Menagerie, Part I</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Sometimes breaking rules is logical.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">12.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Menagerie, Part II</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Escapism is also logical if you have an extreme medical
condition?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">13.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Conscience of the King</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t kiss murderers.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">14.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Balance of
Terror</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Let’s talk about racism, but toward Vulcans.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">15.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Shore
Leave <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Alice in Wonderland and homoerotic wrestling represent
valid fantasies.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">16.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Galileo Seven</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Your best friend will always save you, even if it’s
illogical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aww.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">17.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Squire
of Gothos</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Toddlers shouldn’t have free reign over starship crews.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">18.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Arena</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Low-budget lizard-people are bad at hand-to-claw combat.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">19.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tomorrow
Is Yesterday</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Time travel is messy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">20.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Court
Martial</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Hackers can really screw with you.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">21.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Return
of the Archons</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Seriously, don’t let the computers take over.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">22.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Space Seed</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Eugenics: a terrible idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">23.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A Taste of
Armageddon </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Let’s critique the Cold War obliquely with aliens.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">24.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This Side
of Paradise</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Just say no to drugs, even though they’re super fun.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">25.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Devil
in the Dark</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Just because she’s a terrifying silicone-based lifeform
doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her babies. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">26.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Errand of
Mercy</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t assume you’re morally superior to violent goons or
Space Quakers.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">27.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Alternative Factor</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Good people must sacrifice to triumph over evil twins.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">28.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The City
on the Edge of Forever</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Time travel causes the Trolley Problem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">29.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Operation:
Annihilate! <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Pain is all in your head; Vulcan up.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">30.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Amok Time</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Your atypical sexuality will be terrifying, overwhelming,
humiliating, and potentially deadly. Luckily, your lust will be assuaged by the
love/commitment/violence of your best friend, via rolling around, exposed male
nipples, blood, and OMG we’re so confused.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">31.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Who Mourns
for Adonais?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Gods are ludicrous, humans have outgrown worshipping them,
and we can say this on 1960s TV because… sci-fi!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">32.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Changeling</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Once more: beware the intelligent machines.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">33.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mirror,
Mirror</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">You probably have a dark side, but it’s less bad if you’re
logical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, goatees are evil.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">34.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Apple</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Forget Eden, sex is great!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">35.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Doomsday Machine</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Embrace personal sacrifice, but don’t go full Moby Dick.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">36.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Catspaw</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Kitty cats are cool.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">37.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I, Mudd</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Still don’t fondle the androids.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">38.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Metamorphosis</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Love is love, so long as the field of ionized hydrogen is a
consenting adult field of ionized hydrogen that is somehow definitely of the
opposite sex.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">39.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Journey to
Babel</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Being raised by logicians causes serious attachment issues.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">40.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Friday's
Child</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Feuds are bad; babies are cute; a man caring for a baby is
extra-cute, but he is definitely going to hand it back to a woman.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">41.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Deadly
Years <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Old age sucks.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">42.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Obsession</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t blame the younger generation for your baggage.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">43.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Wolf in
the Fold </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Jack the Ripper was an alien.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">44.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Trouble with Tribbles </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Exponential growth is worrisome, even with pompoms.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">45.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Gamesters of Triskelion <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Slavery is bad. Brains in jars, ditto.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">46.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A Piece of
the Action <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t base your culture on terrible mafia movies.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">47.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Immunity Syndrome </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Kill germs. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">48.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A Private
Little War <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">The Vietnam War was caused by Klingons and Yetis.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">49.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Return to
Tomorrow <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t give away your body to just anyone.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">50.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Patterns
of Force </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Even historians can fail to learn from history and become
literal jackbooted Nazis.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">51.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>By Any
Other Name <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Teach empathy and humanity via drunkenness and necking.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">52.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Omega
Glory </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Never get involved in a land war in Asia on another planet,
but if you do, America wins.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">53.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Ultimate Computer </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Still no on this computers-in-charge idea.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">54.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bread and
Circuses </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Slavery: still bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Same with gladiators.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">55.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Assignment:
Earth </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Occasionally time travel works out, and prevents nuclear
catastrophe?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">56.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Spock's
Brain <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t lose your head. And maybe don’t watch this episode.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">57.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Enterprise Incident <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">The Romulans are better feminists than the Federation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">58.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Paradise Syndrome</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Kirk is not Native American, and neither are these actors.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">59.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And the
Children Shall Lead <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Brainwashed children are annoying, and what just happened
in the turbolift?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">60.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Is There
in Truth No Beauty? <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">When told not to open the box, people always open the box.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">61.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Spectre of
the Gun <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">The Wild West – and everything depicted in bad Hollywood movies
-- isn’t real.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">62.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Day of the
Dove </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Peace wins.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">63.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For the
World Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t. Let. The. Computers. Take. Over.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">64.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Tholian Web<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Surprise, space DOES require spacesuits!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">65.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Plato's
Stepchildren </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Sadism and power are a bad combo, but Spock and McCoy
tapdancing in tunics are great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wait,
that particular kiss was a big deal in 1969?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Okaaay.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">66.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Wink of an
Eye <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Slow down, you move too fast. Also, don’t make Kirk a
boy-toy slave.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">67.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Empath
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Pure empathy is not very useful, but pure intellect is
probably evil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">68.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Elaan of
Troyius <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t kiss the spoiled princess – and definitely don’t let
her cry on you.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">69.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Whom Gods
Destroy <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Spock knows the real Kirk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">70.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Let That
Be Your Last Battlefield </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Racism is destructive, and also incredibly goofy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">71.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Mark
of Gideon <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Birth control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Use
it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">72.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That Which
Survives <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Computers: still mimicking people, still trying to kill
you.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">73.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Lights
of Zetar </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Don’t let the librarian become possessed.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">74.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Requiem
for Methuselah </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Living too long makes you a creepy old man.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">75.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Way to
Eden </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">It’s maybe okay to be an idealistic hippie so long as you
aren’t a crazy hippie.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">76.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Cloud
Minders </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Caste systems and social stratification are not okay even
if everyone is white and attractive.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">77.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The Savage
Curtain <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">The only difference between good and evil is motive, not
methods -- as demonstrated by a fistfight between Abraham Lincoln and Ghengis
Khan.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">78.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>All Our
Yesterdays</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">Time travel is heartbreaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">79.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Turnabout
Intruder <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">When we finally meet a woman who wants real power with the
Federation… she’s murderous and crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Also, Kirk and Spock can totally hold hands if one of them is trapped in
a female body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: 8.0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: 0in;">And that’s a wrap.</p>
<p>
</p>nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-67844879915879612822020-09-14T09:58:00.000-07:002022-11-06T16:54:14.341-08:00Democracy, 2020<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I usually remain relatively quiet about political issues on
Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In part, this is because when
I joined Facebook (oh so long ago) I did so in order to feel personally connected
to friends whom I see all too rarely, not to find a broad platform for my
political views.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s also because there
are many valid reasons for current and continual anger that don't touch me as
much as they touch others, due to disparities and inequalities in our society.
Thus, I need to speak less and listen more. Plus, as we all know, diving into
political threads – or the comments section on pretty much anything -- can lead
to despair and madness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also know
that at a certain point, silence makes me disengaged and complicit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Figuring out where and when to raise my voice is hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could go so, so far into the weeds on…
well, on practically everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Immigration?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, none of my grandparents were born in
America.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Healthcare, policing, prisons,
militarization?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We desperately need to take
care of one another, and to learn from our own past, and from the rest of the
world. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Racism, sexism, homophobia?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have… so far to go. Wealth inequities,
screwed up economic incentives, and environmental and social externalities that
drive us ever further over a cliff?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Capitalism is a mess.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve occasionally engaged, when I feel that I have direct
standing in a discussion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve written
about climate change, because I work as a climate scientist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve tried to apply my own personal
perspective to larger issues, as I did in a blog post that linked loving ones
country (while also fervently wanting to make it a better country) with the
same feelings about ones children -- patriotism as parenting, if you will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve tried, ineptly, to talk about racism,
sexism, immigration, the dismissal of science, the death of my own father from a
tragically politicized disease that we know as COVID-19, and my own failings
with regard to making any of this any better.<br />
<br />
There’s too much to say, and I find myself overwhelmed and immobilized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect I’m not the only one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friends seem to be divided between those
who say very little, and those who never stop saying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But for now, I’m going to say… just this one thing.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This November – this tumultuous and often terrible autumn,
in a tumultuous and often terrible year, in a tumultuous and often terrible
world -- I plan to vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I plan to vote
for Grier Hopkins and Marna Sanford to represent me in Juneau.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I plan to vote for Alyse Galvin and Al Gross
to represent me in DC.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I plan to
vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to represent our nation to the rest of the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will be casting these votes
with all my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will also entreat
everyone else I know – and anyone else I don’t know -- to do the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will also beg everyone to do their best to
flip the Senate out of its current toxic-majority condition, and to keep the
House from slipping in a toxic direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bring others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Persuade others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vote.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I entreat this for many, many reasons. I can’t possibly
enumerate all of them here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the key
point is that those reasons aren't abstract or “political” or “partisan”. Those
reasons are real humans, who are suffering. They are real elements of the
natural world, which once lost cannot be regained. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Do I think that all Democrats are right all the time? No, of
course not. Nor do I think that of Independents, such as Gross and Galvin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I think that Biden or Harris agree with
all my opinions, or would always adhere to the soundest science? No, I don't --
but I do think that they respect science, that they respect human rights, and
that either of them would sign into law some amazing legislation that could
make it through Congress, if we have decent people in Congress to create and
pass that legislation.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Remember, the President doesn't make the laws. He or she
merely needs to veto the bad stuff, refrain from vetoing the good stuff, and
appoint sane and honest judges who do not undermine the good stuff for decades
to come. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Would I make Biden dictator? Hell, no, but that's not an
insult. I wouldn’t make Harris, Gross, Galvin, Sanford, or Hopkins dictator,
either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no human being on the
planet who agrees with me on everything, and even if there were, I would not give
that person absolute power.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Democracy is messy. It involves compromises. It doesn't
change as fast as it should. American democracy needs revamping in some deep,
painful, and fundamental ways that involve widespread social change, economic
change, and educational change -- as well as passing a lot of better laws,
regulations, funding decisions, etc. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I agree that some change needs to occur "outside the
system". That's the part we make by marching, by protesting, by writing, by
educating ourselves and one another, by raising our voices, by having each
others' backs and recognizing our joint humanity. But some change also needs to
occur "within the system". That's the part we make by running for
office, supporting good candidates, and simply... voting.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am a scientist. I will keep working to try to figure out
what might happen to us, if we don't clean up our act on climate change issues,
and how we can adapt to the changes we've already wrought. I'll keep fighting.
I'll keep bugging politicians about science, using whatever privilege,
leverage, or status I have to do so. And I'll keep voting.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please
vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bring others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Persuade others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vote.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6052706131934976983.post-43598641470925311732020-09-14T09:55:00.002-07:002022-11-06T16:54:25.326-08:00Ten Essential Tips for Remodeling your Privy<p class="MsoNormal"> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1zq2FIwFuog/X1-gZnoWlVI/AAAAAAAAGBg/f7GjMMHby5opvAYVPJn-gumqMiFDuu17QCLcBGAsYHQ/s1800/outhouse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1800" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1zq2FIwFuog/X1-gZnoWlVI/AAAAAAAAGBg/f7GjMMHby5opvAYVPJn-gumqMiFDuu17QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/outhouse.jpg" /></a></div><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->Do you ever rejoin your family after a rest stop in a
National Park and feel compelled to note how the majesty of the vista was
complemented by the stellar latrine?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do
you return from a barbecue at the neighbors’ place feeling a little jealous –
not of the perfect angle of their woodshed roof or the impeccable notching of
the logs at the four corners of their home, but of the subtle perfection of the
smallest structure on their property?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
we find ourselves in a beautiful privy, it's easy to feel relaxed, content, and
coddled. <p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you're looking for outhouse remodeling ideas, you might
be feeling overwhelmed by all the choices. Every stunning design looks
appealing, but which options are right for you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’ve compiled pointers that will help you craft a privy that perfectly
meets your needs. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1) Draft a budget</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When the time comes to refurbish your outhouse, you’ll find
the renovation costs can add up quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Whether you’re choosing a brand-new cinderblock to act as a doorstep or purchasing
this year’s Farmers’ Almanac to provide as reading material, the project can
create unique demands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These difficult
budgetary choices can affect the long-term desirability and resale value of
privy square footage.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2) Choose a contractor who understands your needs</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Clear communication of expectations is key. Be sure that
prior to signing on one of your teenage children for the job, she knows that
the new hole needs to be at least eight feet deep, and that she must finish
digging before the ground freezes. Rather than paying by the hour, consider
offering your contractor the old gift cards to the local ice cream stand that
you found when you were cleaning out the kitchen drawers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3) Decide whether you will include a bathtub</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You will not include a bathtub.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4) Select a realistic and functional layout and design</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While two-seaters may seem momentarily appealing, take time
to think this through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take all the time you need, here.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">5) Focus on materials</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Just because you are building with CDX plywood doesn’t mean
you can’t simulate the kind of higher-end look afforded by B or even A
grades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go heavy on the paint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you considered taupe?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It lends a more earthy look, and also blends
well with actual earth.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">6) Consider optimal lighting</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A dark privy suggests “old-fashioned” and “giant
spiders”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Conversely, the direct light
that results from entirely omitting the door may be jarring to some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, consider a crescent moon cutout. This
will not only yield a classic-but-classy look, but will also allow for filtered,
diffuse natural lighting -- perfect for reading the Almanac, and ideal for
creating a flattering ambience for all ages, skin types, and weather.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">7) Remember to provide necessary outlets</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When it comes to wiring, it’s all about convenience!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plan ahead for the darkness of January by
buying a heavy-duty extension cord for trail lights in June, then forgetting
where you put it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(It’s in a Rubbermaid
tote under the porch).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">8) Don’t overlook storage space</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Too many privies lack shelving area adequate for not just
one Almanac, but back issues as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For extra style and comfort, consider adding an old coffee can to
prevent your toilet paper from being stolen by squirrels.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">9) Add a little luxury</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Go for the best where it really matters, and embellish your
wooden commode with a seat cut from the finest polystyrene board that money can
buy. Yes, we’re talking about the extravagance of four-inch R10-rated
foam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>True, a full sheet will set you
back as much as $37.83, but trust us, by the time you’ve located that
Rubbermaid tote, you won’t regret the indulgent insulation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">10) Incorporate adequate ventilation</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We can’t stress this one strongly enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
nancyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12121005517695723074noreply@blogger.com0